<p>Just got two rejections form top choice schools. With two final auditions pending (one on Sunday and one on Feb 26), I haven't told my D yet. She's so stressed (as am I), I've decided to tell her on Monday. For one school, in partiular, she had a fantastic audition. I know the news will demoralize her, even though both have admission rates around 4 - 5%. </p>
<p>And then, how to handle more "no's" that will undoubtedly roll in?</p>
<p>Oh, nalajen, I’m so sorry to hear this, for your sake and for your D.</p>
<p>I know you know that they will all be expecting some rejections. And through their life in the arts this will be their experience, over and over again. I’m sure you heard this from the schools, a realistic and kind message, I think. It’s part of the kids’ job to get used to it. I guess for us, too. But it hurts - maybe more for us, since we aren’t the ones to have chosen this life of eternal judgment?</p>
<p>First, since I know she has a great acceptance, I’m glad this won’t mean she will think she will have nothing at the end of the process. That is SO important. It happens to be at a school we think is absolutely terrific (and one where I hope my D gets accepted, too!). Your D was smart to apply to some of these great programs where acceptance chances are a bit higher.</p>
<p>In our case the agreement is “one day to cry, and move on.” On the Parents’ Forum, I think there’s a thread generally on rejections, and many people have said that they remind the kids that it’s not personal, even though it feels that way. We’ll never know what factors went into the decision, and we might as well assume that it was something arbitrary that kept our kids out (or possibly also got them in over someone else).</p>
<p>The one thing we are utterly wary of is the “great audition” phenomenon. My D is committed not to read anything into any reaction - or lack of reaction. We’ve heard too many stories both ways to think there are any clues. To her, a good audition is one she completed. The only “bad” audition would be if she ran crying out of the room before even opening her mouth. Anything else is fair game either way.</p>
<p>I feel for your D, and I hope she can wipe her tears quickly and move on. I bet she’ll take this better than you’re fearing.</p>
<p>About waiting with news: in our case, my D would NOT appreciate it if she thought I knew something and kept it from her - maybe until a big concert or test was over, but that’s about it. I’m thinking about that audition Sunday … maybe your D would be more nervous and less confident knowing of the rejections, or maybe she would be fired up, instead of thinking “But I did so great at schools X and Y, so who cares how I do here?” Only you know your kid. But my general philosophy, as a friend of mine says, is bad news doesn’t improve with age.</p>
<p>My D used to do dance competitions, and she would never look at the results of her events (usually 5-7 in a day) until they were all over. She said good scores would make her cocky, and bad ones would depress her. That’s sure made it hard for me to know what I’d do in your situation - except that she already has expressly told me not to find out things before her if I can possibly help it. A phone call or something is an exception, and if that happens she wants me to tell her ASAP. But still there’s a lot of gray area…</p>
<p>Good luck! I’m right there with you, mom.</p>
<p>I’m going to sound like the typical CC parent here, but how do you know about the rejections and she doesn’t? I’m not immune to holding something up to the light to see if I can figure out any keywords … but are you sure? And if you are sure, um. Shouldn’t she be opening her own mail?</p>
<p>UVa, she has asked me to open all the mail while she’s away at school. Nothing untoward or helicopter-parenty happening here…
EmmyBet, thanks so much for your kind words. My D and I had a similar ‘one day to be bummed out’ deal, and she’s very savvy to auditions, never reading anything into them, she never discusses them much. But this particular one was quite different, and the “no” is going to be bad for her. I’m going to wait until Sunday is over…</p>
<p>Well, I guess that’s the danger of having access … you can’t win either way, it seems.</p>
<p>My D definitely has "no"s that would smart more than others. But really I’d say the “really quite different” thing is still something to beware of. SO many stories about kids practically being told they were the best thing ever and would surely be admitted … and then were rejected.</p>
<p>My D is a natural pessimist and told me last night she’s sure she won’t get in anywhere she auditioned this week. That was sad to hear. But I guess now any acceptance will be good news? I don’t know what’s the best method, except just to move on - and have a great back-up plan.</p>
<p>Here’s yet another platitude: There are so many threads that tell stories on CC that tell about “after I got into my dream school” and “after I didn’t get into my dream school.” I’d say that it’s a pretty equal spread of dream school was all I wanted/dream school was not what I thought/the school I went to was even better/I’m rethinking my plans and will try to get in again.</p>
<p>Nothing can convince me that my kid won’t end up at a great, and appropriate, school for her, even if there are disappointments along the way. It helps that she has some acceptances already - I can’t imagine not having those in place at this point in the game (I’m anxious enough already).</p>
<p>We’ll have some rough days around here, but in September she’ll move into a dorm and start a very wonderful experience at a lovely school. Period.</p>
<p>PS - slightly interesting note: our sophomore tour guide at Northwestern yesterday told us bits and pieces of her audition/admission journey. She auditioned at 6-8 schools, all pretty selective, and also applied to several (clearly) excellent BA programs. She didn’t tell us she got rejected at all of her auditioned programs … but you had to wonder, since she didn’t say she turned any of them down! But she’s happy as can be at NU and says she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.</p>
<p>nalajen - So sorry to hear about the rejections. They are so hard. My D received 7 rejections in a row last year - ouch! She already had a couple of good acceptances but that string of "no thanks "really shook her up. So we talked about where she was, which schools were left to hear from and what she would do if she didn’t get any more acceptances. She ended up getting back-to-back acceptances to 2 schools and is very happily enrolled in one of those. I have been here the last couple of days, seeing my D perform in The Music Man, meeting her friends and hanging out with a great group of theatre kids! The love and support they have for each other was so great for me to see! This school was not even on my D’s list until December of her senior year. Yet here she is, happy, thriving, learning and being challenged in great new ways. So hug your D when she gets the news, listen and accept her feelings, help her see that the process isn’t over yet, and then continue to support her through the rest of the process and then celebrate wildly when that final decision is made. Best of luck!</p>
<p>EmmyBet - Don’t assume that the tour guide at Northwestern was rejected at her other schools. Many theatre students that decide to go to Northwestern are accepted to fine BA and BFA programs as well and choose NU instead.</p>
<p>^^Agreed. A former student of mine chose to attend Northwestern, after getting into some BFA programs and I know another student there in a similar situation…all for theater.</p>
<p>Oh, I’m not assuming anything, and we think the world of Northwestern. I just thought it was interesting that in a conversation with HS seniors who all were in the midst of auditions she didn’t say whether she’d gotten into any … all she talked about was how hard it was and how much she sympathized. She did a great job of talking to the kids on the tour. She did say that all along NU had been a big favorite of hers.</p>
<p>My only point was that she certainly didn’t say, or even imply, that she had gotten no rejections!</p>
<p>Oh I’m sorry nalajen! I’m glad you posted because not only do we want to support each other but we are all going to need to know how to deal with the inevitable rejections. I have been thinking, like Emmybet, that we may take it harder than our kids. I know though that there are a couple that will break her heart. No matter how much she has tried not to have a dream school and no matter how much she knows she can be happy at lots of different places.</p>
<p>I expect she will grieve and move on. And I just have to believe that in the moment I will know how to be there for her. What I do know is that it will require that I put my own feelings aside (that’s what this place and the middle of the night are for) and that what she needs from me probably won’t be whatever I want to give her.</p>
<p>I’m glad your daughter has a terrific acceptance to soften the blow and hope that more are on their way.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone, I appreciate the support - D will weather the storm, I know, I’m just dreading it when it happens…</p>
<p>Very few kids go through the entire college audition process without any rejections, and most have quite a few. Remind your daughter that she can only attend ONE program and that college admissions is not a contest determining how talented a kid is or isn’t. There are many, many factors at work in the college admissions process, and many of those factors are out of the kid’s control. The only important thing is to have ONE acceptance to a place that you want to attend school. That said, these “no’s” are very difficult, but only the first of many “no’s” that our actor kids will receive as they move through college and beyond, into the real world of theater. They (whoever “they” is, LOL) say that actors are rejected at 9 out of 10 auditions they go to, and that’s the truth! Learning how to face “no’s” and bounce back and move on is, in my view, one of the main things an actor must learn. Otherwise, they will want to quit the first month pounding the pavement in New York.</p>
<p>^^^So true…</p>
<p>That’s right, Nalajean. My apologies. I forgot that from your other posts, she’s away at school.
I am really sorry. My hope is that she’s surrounded by good friends who will support her through this.</p>
<p>Not sure if anyone on this board is a country music fan, but Darius Rucker’s new song “This” contains the following great lines:</p>
<p>Like the girl that I loved in high school
Who said she could do better
Or the college I wanted to go to
Till I got that letter …… Thank God for all I missed
Cause it led me here to this</p>
<p>sure, it’s a platitude, but he sings it so well! Hugs.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to hear that as well Nalajean. My D has mentally prepared herself (I think) to get rejected to all her BFA’s. She just knows statistically how difficult it will be to get in to one of the top BFA programs. She has been accepted to a non-aud BA program that auditions kids after their Freshman yr to the BFA. She also has her favorite school academically in place so she has a few options. Hopefully she will get in to one BFA but we aren’t being naive. I wish everyone the best while this dreaded waiting continues. At least your D has heard something!</p>
<p>Just sending some good thoughts to all of you-- we’ll be in your shoes next year. </p>
<p>For all we say they’re preparing for a lifetime of rejection, this isn’t rejection for a job, but for training and education they need for the next step. Their friends are going through a different, simpler and much more predictable college process (not that the usual process is a piece of cake). And their friends will be evaluated on a whole body of work-- 4 years of high school life, whereas these kids, many of whom have worked hundreds of hours toward their acting aspirations while keeping up the usual frantic high school schedule, will be judged in great part on a 10 minute audition. </p>
<p>Of course the rejections hurt. And of course they’ll move past them (love the lyrics UVahoo). But these are some very brave and talented young people, putting themselves on the line for something they love. I sure couldn’t do it, and I really admire these kids for even trying. I hope there’s lots of good news coming!</p>
<p>Thanks, Gwen. </p>
<p>I think what’s similar between these kids and the other kids applying to highly selective schools is that they have to believe that for every kid that is accepted, there are many who could have easily gone in their place. That doesn’t change the fact that they can’t go, but that’s what a good list with back-ups is for, I suppose.</p>
<p>I’m definitely subscribing to the “you only go to ONE school” philosophy. D knows she already has good choices and probably will have a few more coming. This is just a really hard month for everyone, and it’s nice to have you all to help make it easier.</p>
<p>Hi everyone-- </p>
<p>You are all so wonderfully supportive. My D, like all theatre kids, knows the accuracy of what is posted here. But even so, I think it’s often easier said than done, when twelve plus years of work and training boils down to the proverbial two-minute monologues, right? And your kid is all of 17 years old… Yeeesssshhhhhhhhhhhhh. :<O</p>
<p>I remind her how lucky she is to be walking into the last few auditions with a nice BFA acceptance. And when I say that, I know I’m actually reminding myself of that, too, maybe even more than her. After all, when I was applying to college and post-grad, I was strictly in the grades and scores category. I didn’t have to put my whole inner being out on a line, to a bunch of total strangers, for ten minutes or less, so they could judge whether I could go to their school for the next few years. </p>
<p>What a route these kids have chosen to travel. Don’t know that I would have had that resilience and self-abandon at 17…</p>
<p>But hey, here’s to us, too!! We are not only the organizers, the managers, the drivers, and the wallets – we have to be the shoulders, the pragmatists, the optimists…sometimes it’s kinda hard, ya know? </p>
<p>Guess the stress is wearing thin on me more than I really want to admit.</p>
<p>Happy Valentine’s Day -</p>
<p>^^Best post ever.</p>
<p>So true nalajen! As parents we also get excited thinking where D or S will be come fall and I’m sure we will feel the rejections too. </p>
<p>D has not had a rejection yet and is happy with her choices so far but she sadly said she would feel bad if she was rejected from all her audition based schools. I keep reminding her that she has the talent but maybe will not be what the program needs to make their group. These programs could fill their classes with many exceptional kids many times over. Anyway she may decide she wants to go with the non-auditioned BA rather than an auditioned one once all acceptances are in. </p>
<p>It is exciting but also nervewracking. I want time to speed up to April 1st but then that is saddening because her senior year will be almost over.</p>