im a freshman in college and I’ve been here almost a month now. I am a four hour plane ride from home and the homesickness has hit me very hard ever since my parents dropped me off for move in. I call them almost every day and miss them so much. I have adjusted well to being independent and staying busy, but it always comes back to missing home and wondering if this is the right place for me. I’ve made some friends here and enjoy going out on the weekends, but I can’t seem to find a group to hang out with or that resembles at all what I had back home. My classes and work are fine, and Ive been looking into joining clubs, as well as a sports team but I have a constant feeling in the back of my mind of wanting to go home or that I made the wrong decision by coming so far to such an expensive, huge school. I dont mind the size, but it is overwhelming sometimes, especially walking around alone, feeling like I still have not found my place here. I try hard every day to ask people to hang out and go to eat, but Everyone i talk to or try to hang out with seems like they already have a solid group, which is hard because I’ve never had trouble socializing or making friends before. The cost of the school mixed with my constant homesickness keeps me feeling constantly pressured to feel like I should be having a better time by now, and that maybe it wasn’t smart to choose this school. On top of this, all my friends who went to other schools seem to be having a much better time, and even those who could relate to me at first now feel totally at home. I’m constantly counting down the days until i see my family and I could really use some advice.
Take a deep breath.
Classes and work are going “well.”
You’ve “adjusted to being independent,” you’re staying busy, you’re considering some clubs.
It sounds to me like you’re actually doing pretty well.
Give yourself credit and give yourself a break: you’re living a totally different way of life, far from home, and what you’re going through is very, very normal. Being home sick is normal. Feeling like you have to work to make friends is normal. Feeling overwhelmed by a big campus is normal.
My advice: Give yourself time. For many students REALLY adapting to college takes a lot longer than a month. You WILL make friends. You WILL grow into the campus. You WILL have fun, learn and grow.
My other advice: be nice to yourself whenever you’re feeling blue. Get a tub of ice cream and eat it in bed. Watch Vanderpump Rules, or some other silly show (it will make you feel really smart and really together!) Get a pedicure. Talk to roommates and classmates about doing something really fun for Halloween. (Can you have a party in your dorm room? How about organizing a costume contest?)
It’ll be Thanksgiving before you know it. And then Christmas. And by the time you go home for Spring Break, you will likely be a very different person than you are today. That’s what growing does. That’s what college does.
thank you so so much for this. I will definitely come back to read this in my rough days to come.
Not much to say in advice, but I have been at college for a month and the first week I made a countdown to every time I would get to see my family. I definitely still check it a lot, but not everyday. I think about all that I have done independently since coming to college and some of the new experiences I have had and it feels like yesterday was move in day. I still don’t have a solid group of friends and the people I thought I would be closest to I am growing away from. I would say that joining some kind of clubs help, for example, my first week I joined a club and love it. Now, when I walk around campus even though I may be alone, I have people to wave at and say hello to. I miss my family all the time, but I would say just don’t give up because it definitely takes time. Some days are good and I couldn’t imagine not coming here, but other days I doubt every decision I make.
Not much to say in advice, but I have been at college for a month and the first week I made a countdown to every time I would get to see my family. I definitely still check it a lot, but not everyday. I think about all that I have done independently since coming to college and some of the new experiences I have had and it feels like yesterday was move in day. I still don’t have a solid group of friends and the people I thought I would be closest to I am growing away from. I would say that joining some kind of clubs help, for example, my first week I joined a club and love it. Now, when I walk around campus even though I may be alone, I have people to wave at and say hello to. I miss my family all the time, but I would say just don’t give up because it definitely takes time. Some days are good and I couldn’t imagine not coming here, but other days I doubt every decision I make.
Katliamom said it perfectly. You are doing very, very well. Give yourself a pat on the back. What you are describing are the growing pains of growing up. My son is a senior and as we look at a variety of schools (some farther away from home), I remind him that at the end of the day, a year of college is only 8 months of the year with a month off in between the two semesters. It really will go fast and before you know it you will be home for the holidays. When I was your age in college I was so very homesick until after a month, I went home for the weekend. There was nothing there for me any longer. Sure it was great to see my parents but my friends were all at their schools, there was nothing for me to do there, and life had moved on. You’ve got this! One day, one week at a time.
Looking at this from an outsider’s point of view, I think that you’re doing a pretty darn good job of adjusting to a whole bunch of major changes in your life over the last month. I also think that you need to cut yourself a little bit of slack.
Try not to focus on all of the happy photos and other social media posts that you see your high school friends posting online. Trust me…even though it may seem like everything is coming up roses for the rest of them, every rose has its thorn and they all have their bad days, too.
It is VERY normal to have one’s friend group change, adjust, or shift after a little while during freshman year. This happens to MOST people. If you end up with a roommate who you totally hit it off with the first week and you are best buds throughout college, then you are one of the truly lucky ones. But for most people (myself included), the friends you hung out with the first couple of weeks might not be the friends who end up in your inner circle of buddies by the end of the school year.
And you know what? There is NOTHING wrong with that!
Here’s another possible way to look at this:
Finding your place at your school is kind of like trying to find a pair of shoes that fits just right. Sometimes, you try on a few pairs and you just know right away that it won’t work. So you move on. Sometimes, you have to wear a pair of shoes for awhile before you learn that this PARTICULAR pair of shoes might be fine for certain situations, you don’t want to necessarily live in that pair of shoes all the time.
And then you stumble across a pair of shoes (or a few pairs) that fit just right, feel right, and you can wear them for hours and your feet won’t hurt.
You’re still trying on shoes. You’re doing great. Just keep trying on shoes. And don’t walk out of the shoe store barefoot. It’s only been a month. Don’t be too quick to throw in the towel and transfer to another college.
Have you ever heard the phrase “give it the good old college try?” THIS situation is exactly the sort of situation that this phrase is talking about.
You should also consider that in the range of various stressors in one’s life, moving is at the top of the list with dealing with the death of a close loved one. You’re going to be just fine. Just give it a little more time.
Not much to say in advice, but I have been at college for a month and the first week I made a countdown to every time I would get to see my family. I definitely still check it a lot, but not everyday. I think about all that I have done independently since coming to college and some of the new experiences I have had and it feels like yesterday was move in day. I still don’t have a solid group of friends and the people I thought I would be closest to I am growing away from. I would say that joining some kind of clubs help, for example, my first week I joined a ministry and love it. Now, when I walk around campus even though I may be alone, I have people to wave at and say hello to. I miss my family all the time, but I would say just don’t give up because it definitely takes time.