Hello all. A month ago I posted about being a very depressed vet tech major. I sucked it up and here I am in week 8 of classes. There are three weeks, counting this week, until my spring break. After that I have four weeks of class before finals.
I am at my breaking point. Last Wednesday I had an emotional meltdown and skipped my entire day Wednesday. I took off going north after a conversation with my mom about withdrawing went awry. She told me I just want an excuse to quit, and I really do, because I absolutely loathe being here. Thinking of leaving is making me so excited.
Anyway, I felt terrible and emailed my professors that night to explain I’d had a pretty bad depressive episode. I was considering suicide and going to buy components to make hydrogen sulfide gas but my sister talked me down. Yeah, I’m not kidding. This place is putting me in a very bad state. It might kill me.
I came back to classes Friday feeling much better but apprehensive. My professors were all understanding (all are registered vet techs so they get the whole stress thing) and I didn’t suffer any consequences. Had a good weekend home, came back yesterday, and ended up leaving my small animal lab early. I was standing there in the dog kennel amidst the noise and the general chaotic-ness and the next thing I knew I was out the door.
It’s becoming almost impossible for me to stay in classes. I feel so anxious and trapped. I told my mom yesterday that I intend on withdrawing and she was upset but not quite as pissed as last week. I have a plan–an English major at a close university. I’ll be done a semester later than I would here.
Mom is disappointed and sad. She’s an RN and tried telling me about how she hated school, too, and hated her clinicals and hates the job, essentially. But she loves her patients. I love my patients, too, but I feel like that isn’t enough. I’m not too keen on the money aspect of the job and I think if something is making me crazy enough to consider gassing myself in my car that I really need to get the hell out and get some serious help.
Thoughts? Anything would be great. I’m not suicidal now–it comes and goes–but I have been contemplating at least once a week since the semester began.
Wish I could like the comment from @gearmom more than once. This situation is beyond what we can help you with. You need to withdraw immediately, and seek professional help before you start anywhere else. No matter how much you hate it, this is not a normal reaction, and you need to fix whatever underlying problems are making this worse before you try at any other university.
Thank you. That’s what I thought and have told my mother but she wanted me to keep tying to stick it out. I’m afraid of what will happen if I continue to push myself like this.
Sorry to post something dark like this. Just needed some kind of ear to speak into.
If you don’t want to be a vet tech there’s really no point in sticking it out imo, especially if you have another field in mind that you’re enthusiastic about.
But when you’re feeling down it can be hard to separate your thoughts and know for sure if it’s the major you don’t like or the school’s atmosphere or any other number of things.
I don’t know your financial situation, but if you can withdraw now, you could seek professional help (which would give you a constant ear to speak into), get better, and while you do that search for a paid internship or job related to the new field you want to pursue for next year. It would give you a year to “breathe” a bit, help you decide if it’s really want you want to pursue, and if it is it’ll be great for your resume later on to have a year of experience in the field.
“Forget” what your family thinks for a bit, it’s your life… I’m sure they want to help but the added pressure is not what you need right now. They may have doubts now if you withdraw/change majors but in a couple of years when you’re employed, independent and HAPPY they’ll be thrilled, you’ll be the role model for next generations :-). Just do what you think is right for you and remember so many people change majors / careers all through their lives, it’s just a normal part of life! As we evolve, our desires change and there’s nothing wrong with it!
Does your mother know that you are suicidal? There is nothing to stick out and this is not the time to resume build. Everything should stop until you are treated.
^again, I have to second gearmom. While it might be tempting to try and “stay ahead” and “be productive” after you withdraw, I urge you not to. You wouldn’t consider getting an internship/job if you had a physical injury that you were healing from, so you should treat this mental situation the same way. You need to devote 100% of your time to getting better. And make sure your mom understands, because a support network is essential. As an RN, she should understand the seriousness of mental illness, and she should be there for you in your time of need.
I meant an internship for next fall, if OP feels better after his first 6 months of therapy. It was another way of saying not to feel pressured to choose a major and return to college immediately in the fall because there were other productive things that could be done while continuing therapy. I hope you do seek professional help quickly OP, your therapists can better guide you in your future decisions.
If you don’t want to be a vet tech, I have no problem with you quitting. But think hard before you major in English. There are VERY FEW job opportunities to you as an English major. Teaching - maybe, but there are too many English teachers for too few job openings. Nobody else wants an English major. Don’t believe them when they say “it opens doors to all kinds of professions.” You’ll be living at home for a very, very long time.
Yes, I majored in English. And minored in journalism, another dead profession.
Thanks again, everyone. I’m a female, by the way. But you’re right, and my boyfriend said the same thing. I’m young, I have well over 50 credits under my belt, and sometimes we choose the wrong path in life.
My mom is well aware. I have a history of suicidal inclinations and mental illness. She does not take me seriously–to quote her, I am “the boy who cried wolf”. She is not emotionally supportive and neither is my father. My sister is but she also pushes too hard, even when she shouldn’t. She failed out of college several years ago.
She thinks it’s all empty threats. Which it is, I guess. But it does hurt that she cares so little. I texted her a very charged message on Wednesday and she ignored me. I was implying suicidal thoughts. She did not call to check on me all day and that upset me even more.
So all in all, it’s not a great situation right now. My sister texted me saying I just have a bad attitude and need to try harder. I’ve packed up some of my belongings and have to speak to the counselor tomorrow before withdrawing. I want to mention my depression but I’m afraid I’ll be put on an involuntary hold.
Thank you all again. It’s nice to have some support for my decision rather than derision or ridicule.
I don’t even know what I want to major in. I’m good with English and just want to get out of college at this point. I’d love some kind of monotonous desk job. I’m so drained. I’ve wasted so much money and so much of my life making stupid choices. I’m 21 and still don’t even have my Associates and it’s really humiliating for me.
if you are at a 4 year college or university, go to the counseling center NOW.
Firstly, to help with your mental health.
Secondly, if you need to take a medical withdrawal they will help figure that out.
I withdrew for basically the same reasons as you listed @ccole93.
It was a bunch of things, but I was in basically the same boat as you. Only difference was, all of the services that colleges talk about in terms of finding majors and getting counseling I sought out. None of them have turned out to be of much help at my college, but, I also go to a big ten university.
Counseling here is limited to a few sessions max, and the crux of it is basically I hate being confined and limited. They can’t really help an unhappy customer. You’re supposed to like it, not liking it is not part of the plan. Schools not built for people not on board with the idea of it. You have to believe in it and be committed.
I withdrew, stepped back for the rest of that semester and took care of me. I re-enrolled this semester just to explore that part of me a bit more and low and behold, I hate the major and the staff associated with it all over again so I’m pretty sure for me it’s the environment.
Most of the people that responded to you suggested that you get counseling and I agree. Only then do you really see who and what you are and want. You can’t go through life oppressed by a daily activity. You are not in jail.
But you’re right, and my boyfriend said the same thing. I’m young, I have well over 50 credits under my belt, and sometimes we choose the wrong path in life.