It has been a month now since I started college and I am becoming more and more miserable with each passing day. I’m having a hard time transitioning to living on campus and am having a hard time becoming friends with people. All of my closest friends went to colleges outside of my state and the one close friend that I have here is really extroverted and seems to be making tons of friends, and I can’t help but compare myself to her. I’m a very introverted person and like having a small group of tight-knit friends. This past month, I’ve just felt really lonely and depressed and miserable and can’t help but escape to my house every weekend. It’s gotten to the point where I am considering moving out of the dorms and moving in back home because my mood shifts to being much happier whenever I am home.
I am not the partying type of person, and the people on my floor are loud and party from Thursday night-Saturday night and it makes it hard for me to concentrate on my schoolwork or to relax in my room.
I’ve joined a multitude of clubs, but most of them meet once a week or once a month, so it is hard to make friends with anybody when I’ve only talked to them once or twice. There isn’t much that goes on during the weekends at my school other than football games and parties.
I’m just very confused about if I’ve chosen the wrong living situation, chosen the wrong college, or if I’m just being impatient and need to suck it up until the end of the year.
Be patient. You are smart to note that frequency of seeing people matters. Can you find activities that will bring you in contact with the same people more often? A job? Exercise class/group? Volunteer activity? Community chorus?
A lot of kids feel just like you, but you won’t be able to tell which ones they are because they are so good at keeping up a brave front and a carefree appearance even though they don’t feel happy. It took one of my sons a lonely year and a half before he found his group of friends. In the mean time, spend as much time at home to refresh your spirit as you need to, but hang in there. When you go to class, make small talk with the kids sitting nearby before class starts. If they chat with you and you like them, try to sit in the same area of the classroom or lecture hall so you can get to know them a little bit each time you go. If they don’t seem compatible, try a different area of the classroom. If you see an opportunity to volunteer doing something you like that involves a group of people working as a team over a period of time, give it a try.
Normally I tell students to stay on campus and that by going home every weekend, especially in the beginning, you are keeping yourself from adjusting and fitting in. But if you say you don’t like parties, don’t like football games, and want to relax in a quiet space on the weekend, maybe dorm life just isn’t for you. It is possible to go to parties and not drink. A football game can be enjoyed for the beautiful weather and being with friends.
If you don’t want to socialize maybe you should get a weekend job?