sgopal2: what sorts of communications did you get after M10?
A âhidden gemâ school, which is a safety school for my daughter, just emailed to ask where it stands in her list of choices.
GoatMama: that is wonderful. You must feel really good about that!
Thanks, @Center. It seems to be an indication that she has a good chance with them, but theyâre concerned that she may ditch them if she gets more âprestigiousâ acceptances. Their AO has been very proactive with emails, staying in touch with her and asking for updates ever since she interviewed. Honestly, the school that offers her most FA gets the top spot in my book.
GoatMama: I understand. Most of these schools day or BS are extremely fine places for an education. There is such an element of politics thoughâŠI get the yield thing but we have had the experience where we were sure we were rejected from a school because they thought they werenât our first choice. We had no first choice!! Ah well. Happy for her and you to feel some positive vibes
@applenotfar: the communications were multi-pronged after M10. They took the form of the following:
Mass emails: directed separately to parents, and student
Personal emails: from coaches and a few AOs
Phone calls: from captain of the sports teams, parents of the captain, parents who lived nearby us, the AOs.
Revisit days: lots of talk with the coaches and AOs. One of the schools even arranged a special private meeting for us to meet the headmaster along with the coach.
Postal mail: these often varied among the schools, but in general will include an âacceptanceâ packet. Some schools included trinkets like t-shirts, candy, stickers, posters, etc.
After about a week, the pressure became too intense. I asked my son to make a short list of 4 schools, and to let the others know he would not be attending. After another couple of weeks, I made him limit the revisit days to only 2 schools. Once he let the admissions office know that he wasnât coming, the communications ceased immediately.
@sgopal2: thank you for taking the time to give such a complete response! And congratulations to your clearly very talented son.
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@Center Do you think that responding âYouâre on my top 3 listâ is sufficient? Iâm very uncomfortable stating to ANY school prior to M10 that they are No. 1 choice.
We were told by a key contact at one school in response to us asking how to respond to schools that ask to say I canât possibly say to you or to anyone that a school is my first choice because no one can guarantee me admission. I would be thrilled to get into any school I applied to.
Our experience with DD last cycle was similar to @sgopal2 in that she received a lot of communication from schools pre and post M10. She definitely felt pressured and a bit uncomfortable about the deluge of contact post M10 because she never had a clear first choice and was trying to make a decision. The one exception was Exeter - she had virtually no communication from them during the application process or post M10 other than her acceptance (she was one of the âglitchâ acceptances on M9) and the invitation to Experience Exeter. So donât be too concerned if you havenât been contacted by a school and as others have said, donât read anything into it if you have. A coach at one BS emailed her pre M10 to ask where their school ranked on her list and she did not indicate that it was her first choice. This was the one school that waitlisted her, but I have no idea if that had any bearing at all on the decision.
@TheStig2 thank you for sharing your experience
@GoatMama How about something like: X school is among my childâs favorites/top choices and she would be thrilled to a student there.
Itâs not dishonest as, if your daughter applied, one assumes sheâd be happy at any of the schools.
I find it mildly disheartening that schools will stoop to asking the âfirst choiceâ question. If this is not considered dirty pool, then families should be able to inquire prior to March 10 about their childâs chances for admission. I mean, itâs only fair.
I think member schools of an organization like TSAO should agree to refrain from asking the first choice question. And while theyâre at it, they should also agree to refrain from asking us to name the other schools we are applying to.
Or, the schools should at least expect everyone they ask to say âof course you are my number oneâ. 
It is really an unfair questions especially when financial aid is involved.
Thatâs a great way to put it. Thanks, @doschicos
What doschicos suggested sounds good but it is interpreted as saying that they are not your first choice. The first choice thing helps yield. I will never forget applying to schools in NYC. We were told by parents and school admissions that we had to do a first choice letter and we did. My child got in and wait listed at every other school. Not saying it is right.
I forgot to mention that the secondary school counselor at FK2âs school asked each kid about first choicesâthough it apparently wasnât phrased exactly that way. It was something like âwhich schools on your list do you most want to attend?â
So, it would seem that the question is in play even if it isnât posed directly to the family.
Yes donfefe. They do ask. We had schools we are waiting to hear from ask references what way we were leaning.
Thatâs because the private secondary schools are trying to place ALL their students. Your student isnât necessarily their top priority, placing all students is the top priority.
In this sense, coming from a school like a public school which doesnât place a lot of students at private day or boarding schools can be an advantage (plus not having to go through the process in a fishbowl!).
One of my kids went 5 for 5 at the top boarding schools, while being a sibling at one school, and we (child and parents) were able to manage schoolâs yield concerns without lying, without committing, and without a first choice letter.
Yes, doschicos, I believe we understand the issues involved. And we know that secondary school counselors are able to make âside dealsâ with admissions officers. For example, Pete and Paul, two similar eighth-graders from the same private middle school both apply to boarding schools X and Y. Pete prefers X and Paul prefers Y. Both applicants are âon the cuspâ admissions-wise, and a stated commitment to a school would be enough to tip the balance in their favor.
The counselor, who has established a relationship with both schools, will suggest that school X admit Pete and waitlist Paul and that school Y admit Paul and waitlist Pete, thereby creating a win-win-win-win situation: that is, both kids get accepted to their first choice and both secondary schools get, in return, a yield-preserving commitment to attend.
Nonetheless, this arrangement is beneficial to an applicant only when a first choice school has already been decided on. For many families, I suspect, a twenty-minute interview and a campus tour on a rainy day cannot provide nearly enough information to allow for an informed choice. To ask such a family to decide on a first choice prior to the revisit day shake-out period puts them at a distinct disadvantage.
For example, John applies to five schoolsâthree reaches, and two safeties. Unfortunately, John hasnât decided upon a favorite among the three reaches. If each school calls and asks for a commitment, what should John say? If he says he hasnât decided, he may risk being shut-out by all three schools. If he declares one favorite prior to March 10 (and, of course, prior to the revisits), he may get stuck at what turns out to be the wrong school. Itâs certainly not a situation that any family would want to find itself in.
Now, clearly, the above scenarios will not apply in every case. Some applicants are so attractive that schools are willing to make an offer of admission without first establishing the applicantâs preference. If only all of our children could be such attractive applicants!
doschicos, it sounds as if you have a deft touch when it comes to handling these tricky first-choice questions. Maybe youâd be willing to provide more information on how itâs done.