<p>I know this sounds cheesy and all and it's a common dilemma, but it happened to me unexpectedly and I'm just looking for advice on what to do (I have some idea of course but it helps to hear from other people). So, here it is: I've fallen for one of my friends but I'm gay and he's straight. We're pretty mature people so we handle ourselves pretty well, but I can't help feeling heartache whenever I'm with him. It's just that we spent so much time together this past year. He does know I like him because I told him one day (in a matter-of-factly way because it was the truth and it was appropriate to discuss at the time). I don't want to ask my other friends for advice anymore. I don't want to seem like I can't move on because that will just make things awkward, but I just can't let it go. I even think I've fallen for him. I'm sure this happens a lot, so for those of you who've experienced it, what did you do? If you haven't, how would you handle the situation? Mature responses only please. No "s*** him and see what happens." Thanks.</p>
<p>I had a gay friend that fell for me and spilled the beans. He told me he wanted me physically. I’m straight.</p>
<p>Ruined the relationship between us as I didn’t feel comfortable around him anymore. I think that was really inappropriate. I would start to feel really uncomfortable if I were your friend and you were telling me that you were falling for me and like me. I think it would be fair if you respect the fact that he’s straight and take that in consideration because you may strangle the relationship with what I’m hearing right now.</p>
<p>Yeah, I think it’s awkward for both parties, and that’s just inevitable, but more so for him. If that is in fact the case, he has done an extremely good job of hiding it and playing it cool. When I told him, he just threw a napkin at me, jokingly. Our conversations have been pretty neutral since (and almost always had been). I try not to dwell on it so I’m sure that helps. I’m surprised by the whole thing because he wasn’t my “type” to begin with.</p>
<p>My best friend from 7th grade to soph year of college was gay, and this happened to him several times. It ruined the friendship the first time it happened so he didn’t say anything anymore after that. Recently it happened again with a friend and coworker, and he didn’t tell but I think he figured it out anyway. They weren’t really close friends so it wasn’t as bad, but still I think if you know someone is straight it may be best not to say anything. I have had girls tell me they have a thing for me and it really didn’t make me feel weird, but guys seem to be more bothered. Maybe girls besides me do too, I dunno.</p>
<p>I would follow his lead from here. If he still wants to hang out a lot then I would guess he’s comfortable with that, and if he isn’t distancing himself than your friendship will probably be fine. You have to decide if you can handle a friendship with him now, though, you do sound very sad. Maybe it would be best to put some distance between you for a while and make some new friends, maybe find a new love interest. You could be missing out on very eligible single gay men because you are so lovedrunk off this straight guy.</p>
<p>There’s a huge double standard over straight/gay attractions in our society. If a gay guy or girl mistakes a straight for gay, or develops some kind of feelings for them, it is seen as “disrespectful,” “inappropriate,” and some kind of tragedy for the straight party. But if a straight girl falls for a gay guy, her disappointment is completely the gay guy’s fault. She can go as far as “trying to change him,” and others think this is funny at the worst. I’m not saying gays should ask out straights if they know they are straight. I just think people should apply the same standards to similar situations. </p>
<p>To the OP, you say you can’t let go, but you should just try to move on and keep an eye out for a nice gay guy. You’re going to feel like you’ll never find anyone as good every time you break up with someone. It’s never true, you’ll just have to trust me on this. There’s no point in nurturing a crush over a straight guy - that’s like torturing yourself!</p>
<p>^That’s because a friendship between two guys is extremely different than a friendship between a guy and a girl. The differences should be pretty obvious.</p>
<p>Any time someone says something is “obvious” without explaining it further, it really means if they tried to explain it they know it would break down.</p>
<p>I’m guessing the “obvious differences” you’re referencing are that straight guy/straight girl friendships frequently go beyond friendship while straight guy/straight guy friendships do not. As a gay guy, my friendships with girls do not go beyond friendship. But since they fall into the guy/girl category, it’s more acceptable for a straight girl to make advances on me knowing I’m gay than it is for a gay guy to make advances on a guy he knows is straight? Explain how that is obvious.</p>
<p>I really don’t think it’s obvious at all. Honestly thinking of my particular experiences, it has been a much bigger deal when an opposite sex friend has admitted to having feelings. Other than stereotypical macho male homophobia issues I fail to see why it’s that different.</p>
<p>Sorry, I should have explained that better.</p>
<p>I meant that (straight) guys are friends because they share interests/etc. But 99% of guys aren’t friends with an attractive girl for the sole reason of being friends – they’re interested romantically and so on. </p>
<p>When someone (you thought of as a friend) tells you that they’re attracted to you, it’s a big deal… mostly because they weren’t expecting it. I don’t know why anyone gay would make advances they know to be straight person – that’s just flat out inappropriate and inconsiderate. </p>
<p>To the original poster:
Either get over the guy or get out of his life. You’re no different than an unwanted girl interest, and by continuing to push the issue, you’ll just alienate your friend. Since it’s pretty obvious that he isn’t gay, my suggestion would be to get over it and tell him that it’s no longer an issue. Otherwise, he’ll always think of you that way.</p>
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<p>Just an interesting question for those of you who hold this view. For the record, I also kinda agree, but here is my question:</p>
<p>Would you consider it any different if a gay girl made advances towards another (straight) girl than if a gay guy made advances towards another (straight) guy?</p>
<p>Sorry for the horrible wording but I guess my question is whether both would be “inappropriate and inconsiderate” or if one is worse than the other.</p>
<p>I know this sounds cheesy and all and it’s a common dilemma, but it happened to me unexpectedly and I’m just looking for advice on what to do (I have some idea of course but it helps to hear from other people). So, here it is: I’ve fallen for one of my friends but I’m gay and he’s straight. We’re pretty mature people so we handle ourselves pretty well, but I can’t help feeling heartache whenever I’m with him. It’s just that we spent so much time together this past year. He does know I like him because I told him one day (in a matter-of-factly way because it was the truth and it was appropriate to discuss at the time). I don’t want to ask my other friends for advice anymore. I don’t want to seem like I can’t move on because that will just make things awkward, but I just can’t let it go. I even think I’ve fallen for him. I’m sure this happens a lot, so for those of you who’ve experienced it, what did you do? If you haven’t, how would you handle the situation? Mature responses only please. No “s*** him and see what happens.” Thanks. ~ Arturo</p>
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<p>If he knows that you are gay, and you’ve told him that you like him, and he still hangs out with you - then he is probably gay too, so go for it.</p>
<p>Personally, any guy with “close” gay friends is probably a lil gay. Bicurious or something - so you probably have a shot.</p>
<p>I bet if you got him alone when he was drunk he’d give in. He’d probably do some lame attempt of explaining how he is “soooo straight” and “He can’t believe he’s doing this”, but he’s probably ready bend over pretty quick, I mean, why else would a guy hang out with a gay dude?</p>
<p>You just need to get him alone - and drunk. Then use your seductive powers on him.</p>
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<p>W.T.F??? So you’re suggesting that the OP deal with this problem by essentially drugging him (or going out to a bar with the intention of getting him intoxicated to have sex with) and then using him while he can’t think clearly? What kind of “friend” would OP be if he did that?</p>
<p>EDIT:</p>
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<p>Or, I know this is far-fetched, but could the straight guy just possibly not be discriminating against someone because they’re gay?</p>
<h2>W.T.F??? So you’re suggesting that the OP deal with this problem by essentially drugging him (or going out to a bar with the intention of getting him intoxicated to have sex with) and then using him while he can’t think clearly? What kind of “friend” would OP be if he did that? ~ 1253729</h2>
<p>Yes I am.
<h2>Or, I know this is far-fetched, but could the straight guy just possibly not be discriminating against someone because they're gay? ~ 1253729</h2>
<p>Nah......he's gay, or Bi - or curious.</p>
<p>A straight dude wouldn't jeopardize his str8 credentials just to befriend a gay dude.</p>
<p>10 to 1, the "straight" guy has seen one up close.</p><p>
</p>
<p>(Emphasis mine). “Straight credentials???” Are you living in the 1800s by any chance?</p>
<p>@ 1253</p>
<p>I don’t see why it would matter. If it’s obvious that they aren’t going to be interested, you’re just being selfish and inconsiderate – it’s almost like saying: “Hey, I know you’re straight, but I like you, so I wish you were gay.” And we know what a PC ****storm the reverse would cause.</p>
<p>Then again, I’m not a girl, and don’t know how girls would react to that. </p>
<p>@BigEastBeast
Can’t agree with you there… I know plenty of people who are close friends yet one is gay. It’s not really that big of a deal. You’re just a bigot.</p>
<p>BIGeastBEAST is just a homophobic ■■■■■, ignore him.</p>
<p>And pandem, I didn’t say it wasn’t inconsiderate for a gay person to make advances towards a person they know is straight. I said there was a double standard for gay guys on issues like this. If a straight (no parentheses) girl made advances on a guy she knew was gay, nobody would think twice about it, and the gay guy would be accused of overreacting if he took as much offense as some people responding to this thread.</p>
<p>1253729, I bet straight guys and girls would feel the same way about lesbians/straight girls as they do about gay guys.</p>
<p>Nope, I’m in the 2010’s homie.</p>
<p>I got the internet, spacebook.com and myfacespace.com - I’m all up in the tech age dog.</p>
<p>I mean come on, what “str8” guy spends alot of time with gay dudes?</p>
<p>The “st8” dude is more than likely gay too - he just hasn’t figured it out yet. I mean, why else would he be hanging out?</p>
<p>I’m not sure why you are getting snippy - I’m rooting for the op.</p>
<p>If a straight (no parentheses) girl made advances on a guy she knew was gay, nobody would think twice about it, and the gay guy would be accused of overreacting if he took as much offense as some people responding to this thread.</p>
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<p>I guess? I don’t really know if this is true, or if you’re able to discern it’s true. </p>
<p>But, if it is, you’re going cross-gender, which like it or not, matters, as the vast majority of people are straight.</p>
<h2>BIGeastBEAST is just a homophobic ■■■■■, ignore him. ~panther</h2>
<p>How am I a homophob?</p>
<p>I’m rooting for the gay kid, I’m actually trying to help him get what he wants.</p>
<p>I’d give the same advice to a str8 friend trying to hook up with a girl, take her out for a few drinks and see what happens when you have some privacy.</p>
<p>BTW, the fact that you told him that you “liked” him, and he didn’t punch you in the face says alot. </p>
<p>I stand by my statement that he is probably gay too - just not exposed to the D yet.</p>