<p>Well, I am definitely not a helicopter mom. </p>
<p>Are helicopter dads not invited here? ;-)</p>
<p>Re: communication in college - again, how much/how to you communicate now?</p>
<p>My S (to be a freshman this fall) is one who has always called/texted me with updates on his day - sharing good stuff, issues, schedules, or just “goodnight mom” when he’s out and about overnight, etc. It’s nothing I demand, it’s just what we “do”. Since that is his habit, I expect it to continue to some degree when he leaves. He’s a communicator and one to like to chat, share, etc. </p>
<p>Now, if he wasn’t or if we didn’t currently do that, I don’t know that I would expect him to start it up once he left for college. Relationships do change, but they also continue - so sometimes I think we need to remember that when we are setting our expectations.</p>
<p>We have a weekly call with our son - usually not more than 10 minutes in length. I’d be thrilled if he e-mailed or texted or phoned more often. My husband continued the habit of a weekly phone call with his parents, except when we were overseas, until they passed away.</p>
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. Actually, not at all. She likes having a great relationship with her mom. And she takes it as a compliment when many of her friends tell her they wish they had that kind of relationship with their parents.</p>
<p>Beth has no clue what CC is. She’s never been here, she doesn’t know I frequent the site, and I have no intention of telling her. Everyone in our household has his/her own computer, so she wouldn’t accidentally happen upon my bookmarks or browsing history, either. That said, I don’t think she’d care one way or the other. As long as I’m not putting her personal information out in a way that people would know it’s hers, I don’t think she has reason to care.</p>
<p>I think that many accusations of helicopter parenting probably come from parents who don’t have as close of a relationship with their kids as they would like and are a bit jealous. Regardless, it’s an unnecessary judgment to be made. My advice is to not second guess your parenting style based on what other, anonymous parents think. Asking for advice on specific scenarios is one thing, but changing the way one approaches parenting because of others’ chiding is another thing completely.</p>
<p>Like Siemom, we are going on a college tour in two weeks. I have invested time and planning into this trip. DS has been very uninvolved. He uses the bulk of his free time on xbox live, instant Netflix and Facebook. He did rise to the occasion and call to set up an interview after I nagged him. I think this is normal… I think he is actually afraid of going away to college. My hope is this road trip will alleviate some anxieties and hopefully excite him.</p>
<p>when someone asked my s recently if I was a helicopter mom, responded, “what I cant hear you the engine noise is too loud”. But I think he appreciates all that I have done to help him, and now that he is a junior I have backed off considerably.</p>
<p>Sounds like a normal kid and a normal mom - don’t sweat it.</p>
<p>On corresponding with college kids. My daugther told me that if I didn’t hear from her, that was good. For her maybe.</p>
<p>She calls about once a week. I will text her if I have a question and if she is not doing something, she calls me back right then. Also, I have discovered that she is on Facebook late in the evening some nights, so I will chat with her for a few lines. I just like to know that she is okay. I have adjusted quite nicely to her being away. I have freinds who keep in touch much more regularly with their kids.</p>
<p>" Actually, not at all. She likes having a great relationship with her mom. And she takes it as a compliment when many of her friends tell her they wish they had that kind of relationship with their parents."</p>
<p>it was sarcastic :-)</p>
<p>Well to all that replied…thanks…seems that my s is in a much better mood today and all seems to be forgotten…that seems to be the relationship dance we are doing these days. We are a very close family and actually what I was doing at the time on CC was helping another CC’r applying to my son’s school of acceptance. The poor kid obviously had no clue about applying to colleges and I was more than ready to share some tips that I had learned from our experience this past year. Guess my s thought I had shared too much. The kid was very grateful and sounded very naive about the whole process. He was even visiting schools with a friend instead of folks. He would have appreciated a little helicoptering! My s has told me on more than one occassion of kids that have such univolved parents that they are totally lost during the college search process and it is sad. I have been a huge support and sounding board for him. I have told him that he will be on his own soon and that it is my right to love and hang on right up to the end. My mom always said to me when I tried pushing her away at about the same age, “You are going to miss me someday”, She was right. My mom died a year ago next week at the age of 88 and I would give anything to have her helicoptering me again.
So rock on well intentioned moms and dads!!</p>
<p>I’m a dad but have told my kids that I have gotten lots of useful information from a couple of college websites. I’ve never specified the websites. Before that, I got critically valuable information from websites for parents of kids with learning disabilities and for parents of gifted kids. I have gotten valuable information from a frequent traveler website and others. No one complains in my house. They actually even listen to my suggestions and usually follow them. </p>
<p>I do monitor my kids’ FB pages, although I have never commented in any way as I want the access in case something is egregious. I’d like to let them make their own mistakes (within reason) and be independent (but with someone quietly watching from down the street).</p>
<p>S & D tease about my “college blog” but both have benefited enormously from the information I’ve gleaned over the past year and a half. Before senior year, S was resigned to attending our state flagship before “discovering” an Ivy. We, nor anyone at our hs, had experience applying to this type of school. He got in using information I learned here.</p>
<p>D will be attending two programs later this month I found on CC: an expense paid top-college fly-in program and a camp on scholarship. She has recently asked me to check on SAT questions after taking the test to see what the CC consensus answer was.</p>
<p>Though they probably won’t readily admit it - both have learned to appreciate a certain hovering engine noise.</p>
<p>As far as pre-college behavior and phone calls from school - we were all crazy before S left for college. The time seemed to drag and we were all at each others throats. Two weeks into the 1st term, S was calling at least daily often reminiscing about the good times of home. Although surprisingly very home-sick, he made it through his first year, but backed out of a summer program to come home. He’s been a delight so far this summer, still messy though, with no signs of his year-ago irritable behavior.</p>
<p>At our orientation, they told us to prepare for the “stressed out” phone call around October. This is when the honeymoon phase is over and they are hit hard with the academic reality of it all…since the big fish in the small pond are now attending U where everyone is a big fish. I am ready for my child to call and blame all the high school teachers for not preparing him…True???</p>
<p>I am a helicopter mom … cc’rs anonymous?</p>
<p>I have asked D to let me know when she is in transit (long flights, transfer to train, another train). In HS she would text during the day with little snippets of school life, I hope she will continue.</p>
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<p>That seems like a really sensible approach.</p>
<p>Larkspur, I’m sorry about your loss of your mom.</p>
<p>How timely. I see this thread, and a few minutes later my son informs me that he noticed I have alot of (over 400) posts on cc! To which I responded, it’s because they don’t count the elections and politics site…then I would have thousands!</p>
<p>Of course, now I’m wracking my brain to make sure that I haven’t said anything that might be embarrassing to my family, knowing that I may have KOS. I think I"ve been pretty careful, but then again, our pure existence can be embarrassing!</p>
<p>My kids do not know that I post here and if all goes well they will never find out!</p>
<p>I tend to post more personal information about myself than my kids. I have never posted GPA/test scores and don’t plan to. Don’t have an issue with what others post, but I am just not comfortable with it. I have named the school D attends, but do not give other details such as her combination of majors (it’s unusual), for her privacy. Again, not judging others ,just working within my own comfort level.</p>