Need some BTDT advice. My DC has just finished the 1st semester of college and failed 2 classes. GPA is a 1.4. On a great deal of federal aid. Definitely had some contributing factors (wild and very wealthy roommates, own anxiety issues and a newly diagnosed and serious medical issue of a sibling) but is completely owning the mistakes made. Any advice on how to approach the school? Small expensive private. Have heard nothing yet and but has already contacted the advisor for help. Would like to go back and has already written an academic improvement plan for next semester. Will DC definitely lose all federal aid?
Usually qualification for federal or state aid is determined at the end of the year. If he retakes the 2 failed classes, he may be okay BUT needs to make sure he has enough credits to qualify for SAP. Definitely work with the adviser AND the FA office to make sure to qualify at the end of the year for next year. He may have to take an extra class, more credits rather than fewer, to make progress.
I knew my daughter would have a hard time adjusting to college, so we tried to pick out courses she was more likely to succeed in. NO math! She still had a hard time but did get mostly B’s. For junior and senior years, she mostly got A’s. They do figure out college at some point.
Thank you for your response. And yes, Unfortunately DC is 1.5 credits shy for FT because of failing 2 classes and will indeed have to ask for some mercy. has already signed up for classes but we will be looking at make some changes for an easier course load.
A serious question. Why would you expect things to be better next month? It would be preferable to delay college than to undertake college and fail again. I don’t know how much you are spending, but failing 2 courses is a lot, and I would think he is better off locally until he matures.
I would have a contract with your kid on how you would continue to pay for his/her college. I had that with my kids. They knew they would be home going to a local school or doing something else if their GPAs were not up to par.
I monitored their grades the first semester to make sure they were on the right track.
He’s definitely a “learn from your mistakes kid”. Has already worked out an academic improvement plan. Also will be back in therapy for anxiety which has helped in the past. didn’t want to seem “different” so refused to go his first semester.
yes, I like the idea of a contract. Thank you @oldfort
Agreed. We had a contract with our kids as well. One kid got a substantial scholarship…the other a smaller one. We made it very clear that if they lost these awards, they would be required to come home and commute to college.
I would request your child also sign the FERPA release so that you can see what’s up all semester long. In addition, you need the ability to speak to the financial aid office and bursar regarding his bills and aid.
You need to find out ASAP what he needs to do to meet Satisfactory Academic Progress (SAP) and when…because if he doesn’t meet SAP, he will NOT be allowed to receive a dime of need based aid, including federally funded loans.
He needs to be clear on how many courses he needs to complete with passing grades, as well as what GPA he needs.
I don’t know what is in his academic improvement plan, but he needs to follow through with this plan.
He is definitely not the first kid, nor will he be the last, to learn some hard lessons first semester. Honestly I would expect a letter announcing he’s on probation and some communication from fin aid that amounts to a warning. Doubtful he’ll lose fed aid after one semester. He may not get aid to retake classes if (and only If) those F’s were for nonattendance. If you are convinced he’ll make the necessary adjustments to be successful second semester, let him return for spring with his plan, but clearly spell out what the contingency plan is if he can’t get it together.
He and you should check the college’s policies for:
- Academic probation and dismissal.
- Grade replacement for repeated courses where D/F grades were earned the first time.
- Satisfactory academic progress to continue financial aid.
Basically, he needs to (a) know how to avoid being dismissed, (b) know whether D/F grades are replaced on repeat (if so, repeating the D/F courses may help bring the GPA up more to avoid being dismissed), and © know how to avoid losing financial aid.
If he has a diagnosis of anxiety, he can register with the Office for Disabilities and receive accommodations, including reduced course load. It sounds like he would resist, but there are services available if you register, such as help with time management, at many schools.
He should avoid accumulating a transcript with failed classes and poor GPA. Troubles with federal aid can follow him to other schools.
One of mine left residential college and is working and taking two classes per semester, one at a time, online at the moment. There are many ways to do college.
If he has anxiety bad enough to explain that GPA, maybe he should request a medical leave until things improve.
Good luck!
Thank you all for your kind words and advice. DC is now in touch with advisor and working out a game plan for approaching the dean. Will be making a contract, getting a therapist and tutoring next semester if allowed back. If not it’s work and community college. Seems set and motivated to go back, but community college and work are still on the table.
I’d be worried about the rich roommates. They’re still going to be an influence. Does the kid have a plan for resisting the parties, eating out, shopping, or whatever other temptations they pose? If not, kid may want to see about moving. If he/she was so concerned about seeming different that h/s didn’t even want to go to therapy last semester, I can’t see standing up to the daily temptation of wild, partying roommates.
Yes @Massmomm I am concerned about he roommates as well, who will endure zero monetary consequences (short of being expelled) for poor grades. DC is looking to move, but that may not be possible due to space. Is willing to go to therapy and we will be making that part of our contract for at least the next semester. WIll start therapy this week at home and will make contact with a therapist at college before returning.
OP- hugs. This is challenging.
I’m not sure what your kid’s academic improvement plan looks like, but from my experience, that’s the LAST 20% of a turnaround, not the first.
The first step is to actually understand how s/he flunked two courses. And the answer is not rich roommates. The answer might be : I didn’t hand in my problem sets in Econ 1 because the professor said they were optional and wouldn’t count for our grade. Then I got a C- on the midterm, because I didn’t really understand the material, because i didn’t do the problem sets. The TA offered a weekly review session but it met at 8 am on Thursdays and I was always too tired to go. The professor put a few finals from the past couple of years online and offered to go over them with anyone who came to office hours, but I got too busy with my other classes to do the old finals.
And then I got an F on the final which counted for 70% of our grade. And since I missed several classes… and got a C- on the midterm- I flunked the class.
Times two. Although the factors might well be different.
The problem with college is that while it’s not all that easy to get an A (most of the time, depending on the kid and depending on the college and depending on the professor) it’s actually kind of hard to get an F. Most professors set up multiple speed bumps and first alerts; nobody finds out about their grade and says “Oh my gosh how did that happen”. Nobody.
You’ve asked for Been There Done That- well, if the professor sent out a “come see me” email after the midterm- yup, been there. If the professor marks a final paper “You didn’t complete the assignment”- yup, been there, done that. If a TA catches a kid after the lecture and says “You should come to my review session this week, you looked baffled during the discussion” then yup, been there, done that. But the solution is not to hunker down- the solution is to reach out to the professor for help.
I think before you all decide about contracts and switching roommates and all that jazz, you need a VERY uncomfortable discussion about what went wrong.
I’ve seen a lot of these “academic improvement plans” and they are hilarious. Why? Because they are completely detached from reality, and completely ignore why the kid flunked the class in the first place. They usually start with “I’m going to attend every class” which is beyond absurd- if the kid knew how much each and every class was costing you, would the kid have the nerve to even THINK about missing a class? Then they go on to state “I’m going to do every assignment” which again- absurd. Kid has gone off to college thinking that they can get away with NOT doing their assignments? Someone is going to hand you a BA for living in a dorm and eating in the dining hall???
Get some introspection going before you kick off a plan IMHO. Yes, anxiety, therapy for sure. And rotten roommates can be challenging. But find out exactly went wrong first. And if taking a semester off to reboot, go to therapy, work on study skills is the answer- then good.
How were the kids study habits in HS and how much scaffolding and help on homework did the family provide? (Be honest here. I have a friend who by senior year was STILL driving her kids notebooks to school when they left them on the kitchen table. And that does not suggest a kid ready for college…)
1000 likes to blossom for the above post.
Totally agree with @blossom.
You need to have a very serious talk with this student. Figuring out why he failed courses is far more important than any other ingredient for success.
And really the buck stops with the student…not the roommates or even the professors.
If everything blossom wrote was true, then what could a parent do about it? She can’t be at the school to make sure the kid is going to classes, doing homework and study for tests. The contract worked well for us because my kids knew I was going to carry through with our agreement. They may have skipped few classes or went light on studying in the beginning, but after they got few Bs or Cs they knew they better buckle down to bring their grades up. I was not into micromanaging my kids and it was up to them to do what they needed to do.
BTW- why do you think the kid wasn’t going to classes? Give you one guess. And how could a parent make a kid stay in to study and go to bed early? Nothing. So have that very uncomfortable conversation. I think you know the answer already. I am sure he will tell OP “I’m going to do every assignment” and “will attend all classes.”
Thanks, @blossom. I do not mean to oversimplify and to be clear, DC is taking complete responsibility. We have already assessed what happened to get here (late and missing assignment, disorganization, poor study habits, waiting until the last minute and turning in subpar work, not asking for help). DC has never said, OMG, how did that happen. So far the academic plan is clear (days and time to visit academic help, a study calendar detailed with times and study strategies, weekly appointments with advisor that are already agreed upon (DC spoke to him today), therapist appointments. The mistakes have been addressed in the academic plan with brutal honesty and reflection. DC had relatively zero help in HS (maybe some proofreading). Certainly newly found freedom, being away from home for the first time, some troubling family issues and lack of experience with college party culture were some contributing factors, but it’s not the reason DC failed. If DC is not allowed back or loses aid, so be it. Community college and working is not the end of the world. However, DC wants to go back and make it right, so I am looking for advice on how to approach the school and FA office for a 2nd chance, There won’t be a 3rd.
I don’t think OP should blame the roommate for all of her son’s problem, but at the same time I do think it may be a good idea to move the son out of the room. There are some people who are more easily influenced by others, especially when one is young. I have seen my kids behave badly when they were hanging out with certain kids. It wasn’t until they were much older that they felt comfortable in saying no.