Our DD will end up with a 1.3 GPA as a freshman at an Out of State public.
We explained that it might be best to come home and attend community college for a year and then try again. She is pleading with us to return, promising she will work hard, use resources, give us visibility to her grades(we haven’t had access to her Canvas). She admits she was focused on social life and not studies. Her roommate decided not to return so has been a huge distraction for the last month of school as she wants to go out all the time and up late every night, etc. Chances are our DD will be in a single in the spring if she stays.
We see the following options:
We give her second semester to turn it around and have full access to her schoolwork/results.
She comes home and lives with us for a year or two going to community college
Anyone’s child turn things around second semester? Any other options?
I am one of those that would do 1. but set certain expectations. Was her poor grades just from partying too much or was there any other issues. What classes has she chosen for the spring? Will she be taking the minimum full time load? When she has promised things in the past, has she followed through. How would this affect you financially?
Plenty students tank in the first semester - for a variety of reasons - and rebound. You know your daughter better than we do. Has she generally been a good student? In your experience, can she buckle down? How are her usual study habits? If in general your daughter has performed well in school in the past, and is on the whole trustworthy, I would give her the second semester to redeem herself. It sounds like she knows what she needs NOT to do… and may be in a better dorm situation as well. This may be a valuable learning experience for her.
I’d also be inclined to give her the chance to finish the second semester. As others have said, not at all the first kid to get priorities wrong when they first arrive at college. Decide on what conditions you want (that are realistic) - a minimum (but realistic) GPA, no Ds or Fs, whatever - and make it plain that if she doesn’t meet that in the second semester, or any semester after that, she’s coming home.
With a 1.3 GPA or so, she is likely on academic probation now. If she doesn’t turn this around, she won’t be able to return next year.
Are you full pay at this OOS public? Or is she also losing any kind of financial aid? Keep in mind the Satisfactory Academic Progress requirement at her school too. If she falls below certain criteria, she would be ineligible for any kind of financial aid until she meets that requirement. This is something you should out…and make it clear to your daughter what you will and won’t fund.
I am also in the camp of giving her a second semester chance, but she needs to know up front what your criteria for continued funding are.
I’d give it another go, if you’re not financially stretched thin by the cost of this school, but first I’d
Take a good, hard look at her intended major. I see this a lot at my institution with nursing students. It’s a science major, and to progress one much be good at/like science. Is she in a field that she is ill-suited for?
Have her spell out the “resources” she will use and devise a reporting method so I know she’s using them.
Have a very firm, the grades come up or you are working full time next year before I pay for any more school consequence.
If she returns to her current school, drastic changes need to occur.
Needs new or no roommate & new habits.
Of course, students can improve from one semester to the next–especially if the downfall occurred during one’s first semester in college.
Put an agreement between parents & student in writing. This should help student realize the seriousness of the situation, although not entirely necessary as she will be dismissed from school if she continues to receive failing grades.
Ask her to consider enlisting in the military. If that doesn’t wake her up, then ask her to tell you where she is going to work once dismissed from school.
I totally tanked my first semester in college. I was just unprepared for all the work, had one really difficult class that I was too stubborn or maybe ignorant to drop, and unaccustomed to that level of freedom (I sure did have a good time!)
I got it together by second semester when it sunk in that I needed to perhaps study harder and be smarter about which classes to take. My first semester didn’t help my GPA overall but I was able to raise it by a lot with some hard work.
I’d be inclined to give her a stern warning at home and another semester to pull it together.
I also gained nearly 15 pounds. Walking cliche, right here!
I gave my daughter a chance in the 2nd semester and nothing changed - a less than 2.0 and what you are reporting here is barely passing. In hindsight I should have brought her home earlier.
I am firmly in the let her return to school camp. If she is forced to leave, you are implicitly stating that a reasonable reaction to failure is quitting. Yes, she did very poorly but she should have the opportunity to rectify this.
Also to other future parents, you should insist on having access to Canvas / whatever online grading system if you are footing the bill. Your child still may need a bit of parenting, especially in the first year at college. Having a December surprise will be far less likely if you require some accountability for the student.
If there is scholarship loss that makes #1 unaffordable, then #2 is the only option.
If she does #1, she will probably be on academic probation and subject to dismissal if she does not bring her grades up. She needs to carefully check the grade replacement policy of her school to determine if repeating the D or F grade courses makes sense for this purpose.
If she does #1 but does not bring her grades up, then she will bring #2 on herself. That may be better if money is not a problem, since she can only blame herself, not you, for having to leave.
But even if she avoids being dismissed, she will be behind due to failed or repeated courses, so expect her to need more than 8 semesters to finish.
Thanks for responses, they are very appreciated. Not much holiday spirit in this household… DD has been a good student in past but we always had to stay on top of her. She went to college saying she wanted full autonomy so we gave it to her. My gut tells me that if we stay on top of her during second semester- see her grades, what is due, etc. that she will do well. I think a lot of it is maturity
I agree with the poster who said we need to put conditions in writing.
Does this seem reasonable?: Any other suggestions?
We have full access to records/grades/etc
She will use us or a writing center on reviewing papers and get them written before due so they can be edited (sounds like her papers dropped her grades due to being late and not written well. She wrote very good papers in high school so I know she knows how to write)
If grades slip she will show us what actions she is taking- work with professor, tutor, etc.
If there isn't a significant improvement (should we put minimum grades or gpa?) then return home and community college (and provide a packet on the program)
Financially, it is not a hardship for us to pay for her education. That being said, we are fiscally conservative and don’t want to throw away money.
Our S18 didn’t do as badly, but bad enough to lose his scholarship if grades were not brought up. Our S 100% prioritized social life over work. Lots of kids do this (and we parents cringe).
At that low, she’ll be on academic probation. I would check to see what that entails at her school. It may include required meetings with an advisor, which would be great. If not, you could build this into your agreement with your daughter, if you let her return (which I would do for 1 more semester because she needs to learn “adulting,”and if she can’t pull up her grades, she’ll likely be dismissed anyway (check on how long she has to do this)).
We told our S if he lost his scholarship, he’d be coming home. Unfortunately, he found out he had 3 semesters to do this, so did somewhat better 2d semester, but it’s only this semester that he’s finally been going in to professors and getting more As (he says - at a counselor’s suggestion, we took a hands off approach).
All kids mature at different rates. I think some kids don’t believe the amount of studying you need to put in to do well in college, no matter what you tell them. Others are more mature, very career driven, or rule followers. Those kids do better.
I was encouraged by this board to go with the law of natural consequences (it’s on our S if he loses scholarship), which sounds like it worked (will know when he gets his grades!).
“My gut tells me that if we stay on top of her during second semester- see her grades, what is due, etc. that she will do well. I think a lot of it is maturity.”
Just my $.02, but if that’s what it will take for her to do well in college, she’s not ready to be there. Sure, you could probably micromanage her all the way to graduation, but then what? Are you going to to stay on her to make sure she is performing well at her job after graduation?
I work at a university and am flabbergasted by the number of parents who are so heavily involved with their student’s progress (to the point of calling professors and arguing grades). IMO, they are not doing their kids any favors. Sometimes failure is the best teacher. Perhaps this semester was a huge wake up call for her.
No one likes to throw good money after bad, but if it isn’t a hardship to let her stay another semester, I would do so. I would be clear about what the expectations are, but it is up to her to meet them (without your helicoptering). If she can’t meet them, then she can take the next year or two (or three) to work, attend CC (maybe) and develop the maturity and internal motivation needed to return to and succeed in school.
I would not waste any more money at this point on the second semester if you think it is going to take such a lot of hand holding. You are probably on the hook for housing costs but at least you won’t waste OOS tuition.
Check what the college’s academic probation and dismissal thresholds for grades/GPA are. Consider whether you want to require higher standards. Also consider whether you want to require progress to graduation within a certain number of semesters (realistically, she will probably need at least 9 semesters, but how many are you really willing to go to, since more failures or other issues could extend that to 10, 11, 12, …?).
A 1.3 GPA is more than just a bad semester. It’s a cry for help. To get a GPA like this, you would have to virtually abandon all your classes for an entire semester. It’s highly doubtful that her roommate was the true culprit for any length of time. This is symptomatic of impaired coping skills, which is usually indicative of an underlying mental health issue. I think it would be wise to let her come home and get treatment, otherwise you risk seriously damaging her future. You never want to have more than one semester like that. Plus community college tends to have a more mature student body, because there’s a larger concentration of older and non-traditional students.