<p>My dd was accepted to a first-rate LAC. With financial aid, it's a stretch but we are willing to make the sacrifice, if that's what she wants. The problem: Is that what she wants? </p>
<p>We had a serious discussion tonight about what going to this LAC would mean: Her workload would be back to what it was when she was full IB -- pretty heavy-duty workload versus the fun-&-games-I-have-a-great-social-life schedule of her last HS trimester. She would have to work and still have some debt ($25K-$30K) at the end of four years.... </p>
<p>Now she has cold feet and wants to go to the local public U. She wants to have a social life and not work any harder than she currently does. She's afraid of debt. She's terrified of moving too far from home.</p>
<p>Obviously, there's no point in our making sacrifices if she's not committed. But this is probably a case of cold feet and I think she will regret not going to this LAC. Only 10 days left and the decision is her final one....</p>
<p>Maybe the school (LAC) could put her in contact with a student from your State. Someone who shared her fears, made the transition and can assure her all will be wonderful.</p>
<p>my thoughts
I don't know what schools they are- but it may be easier to ramp the academics up at the Public U than to ease up at the LAC
$25-30K is pretty substansile amount of debt- $14,000 is average and about the most i would like to see anyone take out.
The travel distance I don't think is a big issue
unless she is thinking of an LAC that is 300 miles from the nearest airport- anyplace is fairly accessible.
But no matter where she goes- college is not high school- it shouldn't be high school.
It will be scary- but with growth comes risk- and if you don't take a chance you don't grow as much as you might.
Is there possibly some "social" reason why she wants to go to the public U? a boy?</p>
<p>I suspect more kids have these moments of doubt than is commonly told. Has your daughter visited--or is there any way she can possibly do so--the LAC since her acceptance? I believe that's the very best way for her to get a feel for the intensity of the workload/possibility of a social life, etc. Either way, I'd see whether her doubts persist more than a day or two. </p>
<p>This is, I think, a perfectly normal thing. It's called buyer's remorse and it hits teens hard when they realize that they are about to make a committment that will take them away from home and everything they know. Probably the best thing you can do is just tell your daughter that you have faith that she will not only do well, but thrive at the school. They wouldn't have let her in if they didn't believe she could do it. And give her a chance to vent about her fears without trying to :fix: this for her. She'll do fine.</p>
<p>Or she may be a very thoughtful kind of person, and doesn't understand what $30k worth of debt would look like once she graduates. (Have you explained the economics of that to her?)</p>
<p>
[quote]
Her workload would be back to what it was when she was full IB -- pretty heavy-duty workload versus the fun-&-games-I-have-a-great-social-life schedule of her last HS trimester.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>That's not what the cold-feet are really about. It's more likely the realization that life, as she knows it, is coming to an end. The local state u. is being perceived as a way to extend the familiar. I think that every one of us has gone through that moment of realization by our high schools kids, some more obviously than others.</p>
<p>In most cases, they get off to college and find things to be so much more fun than high school. But, that's hard to accept now because it's only this big frightening unknown. My daughter did nothing but enjoy her social life with her friends the last few months of high school. She had a great time. But, she got to college and discovered that it was like a giant party with even more, even cooler friends. It put her high school social life to shame.</p>
<p>The academic workload thing is a total red herring. First of all, college courses at a good LAC are actually fun, compared to high school. Second, the kids are only in class a couple of hours a day, so there's plenty of time for studying. Maybe somebody else's kids are different, but my daughter, who is at an LAC where they lay on the work pretty heavy, certainly doesn't sound like all she does is study!</p>
<p>None of us can help you with your kid. You are obviously in a better position to judge. Maybe she's not ready for college. But, my money is on standard, everyday, happens to all of 'em, cold feet. If that's the case, I would recommend getting actively involved in the admitted students' websites, the pre-frosh visit, etc.</p>
<p>As others have said, this sounds pretty normal. If I were her parent, my concern would be that this kid doesn't understand that if she wants to make something special out of her life then much of the rest of life is likely to be more like her experience in her first few years of high school than like her last one. But that doesn't mean the end of fun, and college learning can itself be an interesting if sometimes challenging exploratory adventure.</p>
<p>boxmaker
Of course your D is nervous. Who would not be, moving into unfamiliar territory, outside their comfort zone. For some kids, that have travelled on their own, or done extended camps in far-away places, this comes easier. The fact that she was accepted into a top-rated LAC is an indication of her potential, and most likely she will rise to the academic challenge, make friends and have a good time. While going to class only 10 hours a week, and having plenty of free time on her hands, even the local State School will entail hours of independent reading and writing. Of course only you know exactly what's going on within, ....I would tell my daughter that she may regret turning down the LAC without having given it a try, while if she regrets going to the LAC, she can transfer to the State school school after one year ( while the other way around is not a guarantee.)</p>
<p>Same problem in our house! My intelligent son who has always been extremely confident (even when he had no reason to be!) came up with a statement that he didn't know if he was smart enough to cut it at CMU and has all sorts of self-doubts. My husband thinks he is afraid to leave the nest, which is probably true, too. He has other state and private options which certainly don't guarantee the 4.0 he is accustomed to. I wish we could unravel the true source of the indecision here. Any ideas?</p>
<p>I think it's quite normal for kids to feel apprehensive about the academic workload and social pressures at college, especially if it's far away from home. </p>
<p>The good news is that LACs have plenty of support mechanisms in place to address anxieties and to help kids stay on track academically. The faculty are in general accessible and nurturing. Once they admit you they definitely want to keep you.</p>
<p>Socially same situation. The LACs organize a lot of social interaction so that friends are formed fast. Kids tend to roam in herds and everyone is invited to campus events. I can't think of a "first-rate LAC" where the kids aren't friendly and supportive.</p>
<p>Kids at LACs do manage to maintain a good balance of academic work, extracurriculars and purely social activities. Most schools encourage students to be involved and engaged outside of the classroom -- in the arts, campus government, community service, sports -- whatever is of interest. </p>
<p>The loan burden is another issue. How much is too much is a question that only you and your daughter can answer.</p>
<p>Good luck to her. I'm sure you'll be reporting back around Thanksgiving how much she's enjoying college.</p>
<p>How far is the LAC? Close enough that you could placate her with the possibility of coming home every weekend? (rarely happens but it is comforting)</p>
<p>This decision really depends on your child. We have one child who decided to commute to a state university and another who went away to private university. Each decision was right for that particular kid. Extending the familiar is not necessarily a bad thing if the child is happy within that environment. Not everyone seeks to travel great distances in search of something more. Some do and that may well be their path to happiness and fulfillment. Others are content right where they are. If your daughter hasn't done an overnight visit, I recommend it asap. If she has, and she was okay with it, I say give it a try. You have to look for clues. Was she totally stressed by the roommate issue, by being away from home, by all the confusion, etc.? Did she seem totally relieved to come back home? Or was she okay while she was there maybe even happy, but nervous before and complaining afterward about the food/dorms etc? You have to read between the lines a little.</p>
<p>Because your daughter has so many doubts in so many areas I think you can safely assume, as others have suggested, that her doubts are arising from anxiety. How has your daughter faced major decisions in the past? Have past separations and/or new situations created anxiety and doubts before? Does she have tried and true coping mechanisms for calming herself?
Please remind her that it's natural to have doubts and be anxious upon embarking on such an adventure. Assure her that there are no wrong answers just different paths. Let her know that you have faith in her to choose. Ask if there's any way you can help with her decision. (Another visit to both options? Sitting in on classes?) Also, no decision is a final decision. Remind her that she can always change her mind, e.g. try the LAC, then transfer, etc.
Good luck to your family!</p>
<p>It is of course very possible that the local state u is the best fit for her, even if mom/dad likes the LAC idea. I think it depends on the details. Is local in the same city? Having substantial debt is not a good thing. There are good and bad aspects of doing lots of sometimes menial jobs to pay high tuition instead of enriching extracurricular activities. </p>
<p>My son had the same dilemna as he was deciding between Grinnell and UT Austin Honors program. I think in his case he was right to to go with the comfort of UT Austin. As he said: Grinnell made it easy with not much merit aid. He is or was a shy kid, who after a rough 3 years, has been having the time of his life his senior year. Of course, at least 10 kids who are friends of his and also NMF are going to UT, so I know that his initial crowd compares favorably with those from his school who are going to elite colleges. Generally speaking the only difference is a percent or two in class ranking or in many cases, wealth or relative low income that make the elite tution not an issue.</p>
<p>The final semester of high school is fun, and the work load is often lighter--it often makes for quite a contrast with junior year of high school and with freshman year of college. But I do want to echo/emphasize something momrath said. Certainly the workload is substantial at top LACS as at other colleges adn universities, but for someone who has had a rigorous high school background, it is rarely unduly bordensome. College kids have fun; they make time to hang out, be frivolous, do sports or theater or community service, and get their work done (learning a great deal in the process). I hope your daughter reaches the decision that's right for her, and I know the financial issues are a whole other concern, but as I look at my chidlren's college experiences, it seems to me that even the most academically elite college can be, in the best sense of the word, a party school.</p>
<p>**Please remind her that it's natural to have doubts and be anxious upon embarking on such an adventure.<a href="Jasmom">/b</a></p>
<p>Issues such as cost, comfort with being far from home, are things that only your and your D can decide. But if she has done well in high school, then the academic workload should be handleable, so long as she can self-schedule.</p>
<p>In college, as opposed to high school:
- you go to classes about 16-18 hours a week (unless you have a lot of labs) as opposed to 30+
-there are no regular assemnblies
-no time is spent commuting
-no parents telling you that you have to go to bed at a certain time</p>
<p>so the amount of time available for classes, studying, activities, sports, socializing is overall much greater</p>
<p>at the same time:</p>
<ul>
<li>classes with reading will have much more, and much more serious reading, than in high school</li>
<li>and one's expected to write longer and more serious papers</li>
</ul>
<p>But overall, unless your D is unable to set her own schedule or lets other things get out of hand (too much time on sports, socializing, not enough on sleep, etc.) the fact that the school admitted her indicates that she ought to be able to handle the academics and still have time for other things.</p>
<p>As far as socializing - practically no freshman knows anyone else; they are thrown together willy-nilly in large buildings (aka dorms) and start hanging out, going places and trying new things in large groups, making friends while doing all that.</p>