Help my D

<p>This is my first time posting, but I have been reading the boards for the past few months. I need your advice about my DD. She is in a good LAC, but she is not enjoying the college experience she had dreamed of. She likes her classes, she had a pretty good experience doing a fall sport (but she wished the team was closer compared to how "family" like the other teams seem to be), and her other ECs she does. The problem that has been letting her down is that she has not found her niche yet, and she feels as if she has not connected strongly with any one there. I think part of the problem was that she had an AMAZING pre college experience for a summer, while she was in high school. She also complains that there are some real shallow, fake people that go to her school, but I tell her that you'll find that any where! She keeps on telling me that she just wants to transfer. But I'm worried that if she transfers to another school, that she might be more miserable at her transfer school than her first choice one. So, how can you help my D and I? Also, she says that she really has tried to keep her head up and make more friends, but yet, she is shy by nature. For the past few weeks she has been getting counseling which she said has helped but she still wants out.</p>

<p>Well, don't make it easy on her. Make her work on that transfer- go visit and revisit those schools, contact profs, adcoms, students, coaches. She has to give you good valid reasons how new school will be different and work better for her. During the process she might figure out what is not working for her at present place. All she might need is compare her present problems with her future ones.
Taking her problems to her prof.- advisor at her present school might give her some input. Problem might be entirely with her and no transfer will cure it.</p>

<p>I think you should let her consider transferring. She has given this college almost 2 complete semesters and if she is not happy now, she may never be happy. Forcing her to stick it out longer will not make the experience any better. Perhaps she now knows what she may want in a college and she may be more selective in her choice for the future. For many students they make a right decision and are very happy but it astounds me that we expect these kids (and the parents) to make a decision about a college choice from a few hour visit to a school. My S got into 11 schools and after visiting several of them (for a few hour tour) it was difficult to decide which school would fit his needs academically, socially, financially (ours) etc. Well he chose one which he loved socially, but wound up not meeting his needs academically. He wound up transferring after one semester and is very happy now. Sometimes the student has to "live it" for awhile-take classes, meet kids etc. to know whether they are happy there. I do think she should continue to see someone professionally because she may be suffering from some depression and dealing with this early will certainly help.</p>

<p>The cultures at ostensibly similar schools can be quite different. I say let her do some research and see what she suggests as school with better fit. It is a bit late in the game to initiate a transfer now, though-- isn't it?</p>