help for a friend

Parents Forum
21

<p>Separation anxiety is a control issue where the patient does not adjust to the lack of an entity that s/he does not have control over. In most cases it is child who has parent under control (at least in his/her mind). Never seen it in a family where parents are firmly in control of their own lives and agenda.</p>

<p>As daughter of friend develops relationships (peers, instructors) where she can feel in control of getting her self-doubts (we all have them), she will break the need for the parental safety net.</p>

<p>Friend needs to redirect her daughter's activities towards social interaction where she will gain the necessary self-confidence. Needs new BFF.</p>

<p>Abusive phone calls are a sign that the level of attachment/anxiety is toxic. Need to limit conversations to positive things at school. No talk of home from friend, just keep directing the subject at what daughter is doing at school.</p>

22

<p>"I believe that the child does have some mental issues. But I also think the Mom has enabled bad behavior. It is a pattern they have settled in. The D gets very angry at her Mom and eventually the Mom gives in. "</p>

<p>More reason for the mom to get herself into counseling. Even therapists like the mom go to counseling for problems. I suspect the mom is enabling the D's dependence on her so that the mom avoids some of her own concerns. Therapy could help the mom with this.</p>

23

<p>nsm,
I take back my earlier post. I really didn't realize that the student has more major issues. I misread your initial post. Sounds like they are the right track with counseling for both mom and daughter.</p>