<p>FWIW, I believe the best educational choices are made when the student and parents put a priority on education AND use very good critical thinking skills to be wise consumers of higher ed. Decades ago, when I was in HS, my parents were generous and self-sacrificing, beyond question. But the critical thinking piece was not there. I could have had so much more for our money if we had gotten informed. That’s why I spend time on this stuff for my own HS kids.</p>
<p>Today, the financial stakes are only higher, and it is now possible to drown yourself in debt, no matter how good of a salary you come out of school making. But fortunately the information is also somewhat more readily available, for those who take the time to dig it up and think about what it means. Like you. You seem to have a very bright future.</p>
<p>There is no magic in the air at BC that makes it worth so much more money and economic risk over UMD. A family I know sent one child to BC, and one to UMD (this kid was a business major, just as you wish to be). The parents say that frankly, the career services at UMD were better than BC’s, from their perspective. So be happy with your choice and don’t let your father, who frankly hasn’t shown much past investment in you, make you doubt it.</p>
<p>OP: your non-custodial father “isn’t that present”. Lots can be inferred from that statement. </p>
<p>Ask yourself: is his concern about your college choice about YOUR best choice, or as a reflection upon himself as a father? You’ve noted that UMDCP is a good fit, and a great financial “fit” too. That’s what counts. Validate your decision; you’ve made the adult choice. </p>
<p>Has he diligently paid his child-support payments despite not being “that present”? If he’s not been consistently financially responsible for you, then his recent offer of financial support (signing for loans) is unfortunately suspect. An offer of cosigning a loan now is no guarantee that your dad’s committed to four years of loans, and many years of payments. The realization that our parents aren’t reliable or consistent is an important life-lesson.</p>
<p>Is his reaction to your college choice perhaps affected by his own ego issues? Some parents are very swayed by bragging rights related to perceptions of prestige, to detriment of “good fit” and financial concerns. Certainly a parent can brag more about BC than perhaps UMDCP, but that’s not reason to question your decision. Don’t let his “disappointment” color your feelings about a very prudent wise choice.</p>
<p>Wow thanks for all your responses! My original post came after a pretty upsetting phone call from him, but I’m feeling very secure about my decision now - I think I was just looking for some confirmation.</p>
<p>Well, in the future realize that phone calls are easy to end. </p>
<p>But, if the subject comes up again, tell your dad that his payments on $80k of loans would be about $900 a month for TEN long years. Tell him that if he can’t afford to give you - say $500 a month for four years NOW, then how the heck could he pay $10k a year for loans in a few short years? The guy’s got dust in his wallet and all his good intentions isn’t going to change that.</p>
<p>Next time you see your dad and he says something…try this. Get a big smile on your face and say “you think we can really do this?” (make sure you say WE). Then, give him the paperwork for the parent loan HE has to take out for you to go to the college of your dad’s choice. Tell him you are thrilled to hear that he is offering to foot the $80K extra. </p>
<p>Happy…why would you ask that? It just doesn’t seem relevant since BC isn’t affordable. It would be one thing if both schools had similar costs, and he was choosing the school near mom. BC isn’t affordable no matter what the parental bonds may be. </p>
<p>There no reason to trust this dad to take out loans for 4 years. And, who knows if the guy really is only offering to co-sign to make HIS demands happen at the expense of the kid.</p>
<p>This is an issue about you not letting his opinion affect what you and your mother think is the best financial decision for your future.
He can have all the opinions he wants but since he has not taken any responsibility- fiscal or emotional for you.
The fact that you let him make you feel bad about you decision means you are giving him too much power.
You do not have to seek his approval or deal with his disappointment.
He still is showing that he doesn’t know how to parent.
It’s not about him, it’s about you.</p>
<p>Oh…so you think the dad is trying to “move” the kid closer to him (or away from mom)? Does the dad live in the BC area? </p>
<p>I wouldn’t think that it’s worth $80k to the dad to have the son away from his mom for only 4 years. That doesn’t seem worth it.</p>
<p>Somehow I think the dad just wants to brag to friends and family that “his kid” is going to BC. To some families, that’s a big deal…like going to Notre Dame.</p>
<p>No, my dad lives near Maryland so it’s not a matter of location. It is more about prestige and name recognition, which he holds highly. It’s not as superficial as bragging rights, but he believes in the power of a name in terms of creating opportunities - aka he says it will be much easier to get job offers coming from BC than UMD. But, I know I’ll work my butt off at UMD to get to where I need to be.
He’s a responsible guy, just a bit…misguided I guess.
(I am a girl by the way, referring to the posts stating I’m a son/boy haha)</p>
<p>If you plan to go to grad school, that is the school employers and others will pay attention to more. So you have 4 years to warm him up to the idea of helping to pay that bill.</p>
<p>I can understand that you don’t want to disappoint your dad. Like him, many people are hung up on going to a “prestigious” university. The Smith School of Business at UMD has a fantastic reputation. Our neighbor graduated from The Smith School last year. All of the students in his graduating class had jobs lined up before they graduated. He is working for a very highly regarded international corporation. Plus, you made a very wise decision not to go into debt to finance your college education.</p>
<p>This person has no power. He’s virtually no different than a classmate or neighbor who might be bothering you about your choice.
Ask yourself why he is so hell bent on paying for the expensive college? Is it guilt? So he can lay claim on your sucess (sic)? And throw it in your face for the next 60 years?
He still is showing that he doesn’t know how to parent.</p>
<p>Sorry, but I don’t know how some of you are so willing to say these things about someone you don’t even know–and despite the mild protests of the poster, who has tried to defend him. Family life is complicated. Things look different from where one stands. “Not that present in my life”: not good, not admirable, but who knows what has really gone on in the past and what the future might yet bring.</p>
<p>The decision to go to UMD sounds wise. Damning the kid’s dad? Not quite. Life has taught me not to rush to judgement, especially when I don’t know what I am talking about.</p>
<p>Does your dad have any personal experiences that would lead him to believe that BC will get you better professional contacts for your first job and/or future jobs than UMCP? Or is he basing this on some generalized sense that private is better or Roman Catholic is better or Jesuit is better or Boston is better or fill-in-blank-here is better? If you can understand where this notion of his is coming from, it might clarify things for you, and it might give you the means of gently disabusing him of this notion.</p>
<p>Have you considered taking him out to lunch,rather than responding to a phone call? Initiate the contact, pick something you can afford where there is a waiter, not fast food counter. But pick a low-priced restaurant. Tell him you need to discuss your decision better so that he can understand.</p>
<p>Bring the papers and be able to do the math with him at the lunch. Emphasize the value of waiting until grad school for him to provide financial support. It is a business meetingand might take him off-guard when he sees how you are approaching him in a mature way. Throw in an emotional line, "you’re my dad and I want you to understand and be proud of my fiscal longview here.</p>
<p>Figure he’ll argue with you at the start of the meal, but you have a better chance to discuss this face-to-face. Even if you just begin to shift his thinking, that’s a good start.</p>
<p>Pick up the tab. Say that you know in business that the one who creates the meal and invites is reponsible for paying the tab. If he insists on paying tell him he can leave the tip. Don’t bring mom to the lunch for support. You can explain all this yourself.</p>
<p>The parents in my neighborhood like to brag that they’re not paying money for undergraduate school.</p>
<p>Unless you father is going to pay for it and has the means…he doesn’t have the right to have a say in the matter…especially considering he’s the non-custodial father. </p>
<p>Had similar issues with some overbearing older relatives ranging from opting to attend a private LAC on a near-full ride…with the difference paid for by yours truly without any parental/relative contribution to one aunt trying to get me to go pre-med/med school. </p>
<p>Dealt with the first by telling them pointedly that unless they’re contributing to my undergrad costs…which they weren’t…that it’s none of their business. Dealt with second by telling the aunt…only if she’s willing to cover all the inevitable judgments from malpractice suits I’ll incur as a future doc/quack. :D</p>
<p>Moreover, while BC does have some name recognition, </p>
<ol>
<li><p>That recognition isn’t always universal…or necessarily always positive as illustrated by a GC and many parents at my HS…or most parents at a NYC prep school a younger cousin recently graduated from. In the latter case…BC had a bit of a stigma from its reputation for heavy drinking/sports/party on its campus and a school preferred by students who wanted all that. </p></li>
<li><p>Only time when name recognition would really make a difference IME is if the hiring manager/senior managers are BC alums, Catholics, fans of BC sports, and/or company is located in the New England area. Regarding the latter…it’s not always guaranteed due to some hiring managers’ prejudices against certain colleges…including BC and from one interview experience…my LAC. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>In your situation, I agree with those who said you made the correct decision by opting for UMD. BC isn’t worth putting yourself in that much debt…especially considering you may want/need an MBA at some point to advance.</p>
<p>Unless BC is also a good fit and Dad comes up with ALL the money up front, I wouldn’t touch it. Also, if he were manipulative, and you are not saying he is, I wouldn’t accept the money.</p>
<p>UMD is amazing! My boy/girl twins will be freshmen in the fall. Be sure to say hi to them. My son took a full ride offer (Banneker Key scholarship) at UMD over lots of merit money at other, more prestigious universities, and you know what? He and a ton of other very bright and motivated people are intending to make the most of the next four years at College Park. I think you made an excellent choice. Go Terps!</p>
My son took a full ride offer (Banneker Key scholarship) at UMD over lots of merit money at other, more prestigious universities, and you know what? He and a ton of other very bright and motivated people are intending to make the most of the next four years at College Park. I think you made an excellent choice. Go Terps!</p>