Help me I don't know what to do?

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>I have a huge dilemma.</p>

<p>I'm a sophomore at Umich except not really. I'm pretending to be. I have sophomore level credits thanks to Ap classes though..</p>

<p>I went here for a semester freshmen year, loved it but had so many problems with my personal life, my past, mental illness, drugs, also physical health problems that landed me in the hospital. Ok, took a semester off and worked a ton in an allied health job at a medical office for the semester and summer, traveled and volunteered, and then came back this fall. </p>

<p>The problem is, I'm not doing any better. I don't regret my semester off but really only a few things are better. My physical health is causing huge problems, I'm still so depressed and apathetic and suicidal, but I"m off the drugs and somewhat healed from things that happened to me as a child. I studied here for 2 weeks this year and dropped out again because I just couldn't do it. I'm in too much pain in my mind to do anything or handle all the work...I can't think at all or focus cause I have so many other issues. Everyone thinks I go here. they think I'm back for good. I make up classes I have, exams I have, etc. I'm pathetic. I'm just so ashamed for being a mess amongst all these put together people and I hate having to explain myself so I'm lying to cover it up. I feel like people will find out and judge me even more, and I"m losing friends because I'm avoiding people to make sure they don't find out or get suspicious. help? and yes I know I'm stupid but please help. Oh and I work 2 jobs because I'm about to go travel and do some work abroad and go on a 6 month hike. It's weird, I can handle working and in fact enjoy it, but school is so stressful when I'm already this stressed.</p>

2

<p>If I were you, I’d first of all stop pretending and faking. It doesn’t make you feel better, and it just digs a bigger hole for yourself. I agree, school is very stressful, but you can’t let the stress from courses overwhelm you. Listen, in the grand scheme of things, a few courses and this stress is practically nothing. Take it easy. About your depression, you need to let someone know of your problems. It isn’t normal to be that depressed and suicidal, so please talk to a school counselor, your parents, or a really good friend who’ll care for you. Please let someone like your counselor know, though.</p>

3

<p>You’re definitely right but I have just tried everything and therapists and meds don’t help. I"m way too far gone for that, unfortunately, and they are very bad at understanding (and I’ve tried therapy with too many therapists to count)
My question was more about hiding it from friends and how pathetic I feel…anyone else have any input?</p>