<p>I am a second year PR major at the University of Florida. I absolutely love my classes, my professors, and my major. But I have made zero friends. I lived in an apartment with three other roommates, two girls and a guy. The guy was in a frat so he was never home and I never really got to know him, one of the girls locked herself in her room or went home all the time, and the third was extremely rude and pushy and we did not get along. It wasn't working out for me so I moved into another apartment with a new roommate. He is five years older than me and seems to think he's living with a little kid, so, as you might have guessed, we didn't hit it off either. I've given up on the roommate thing because its just not working and in August I'm moving into a one bedroom apartment.</p>
<p>Here's the problem: I have absolutely no friends. Everyone I have met either doesn't talk to me or is too busy to maintain a friendship with me, or they just have better things to do. I have met a lot of people that go out and party all the time and frankly, I don't like that. I like to party, but not with random people in clubs. Its not my scene. I'm painfully shy and 99 times out of 100 won't go out of my way to say hi to someone. I just can't help it.</p>
<p>It doesn't help that all of my friends back home always ask me "Do you love it there? What do you do?" It's really embarrassing to say, "No, I do nothing." I do have friends. I have lots of friends. I'm extremely social. Just not here. I'm out of my comfort zone and I hate it.</p>
<p>I want to go home. But I can't. I can't because first of all I am at the only school in the state that has my program, which happens to be one of the top in the nation. I love my school and wouldn't want to go anywhere else. I also can't go home because my family would be painfully disappointed in me. My mom is the one who says I can talk to her about anything, but then makes me feel horrible if I try. All she does is say, "Well make some friends. Join a club." But she doesn't understand how hard it is for me.</p>
<p>My brother just graduated from here and he had the best four years of his life, so he's constantly telling me that I need to make friends and that its not hard. I look up to him more than anyone in this world and I would hate for him to think I was a loser. Even though I kind of am.</p>
<p>Moral of the story is I absolutely hate it here. I'm all by myself all the time and there's nothing I can do about it. Before you go telling me to join a club and get involved, understand how hard it is for me. I need new ideas. Thanks.</p>
<p>Use the counseling center to get some help with your shyness. Shyness is a problem that counseling can help a great deal with. College counseling centers help lots of shy students. Saying this as someone who used to be shy and who also used to be a counselor at a college counseling center. </p>
<p>Take some kind of class in which you have to interact a lot with people. This could be a ballroom or line dance class, fitness class or acting class. </p>
<p>Another thing to consider is helping out backstage with a theatre production or getting involved in a campus community service project. With either, you’d have things to do and would have things to talk about while interacting with other people. You don’t need experience to do either: You just need to be willing to help, and those kind of organizations tend to welcome newcomers who’re willing to pitch in.</p>
<p>I spent a day last week painting sets for a theatre production and even the shyest people – some of whom were around your age – talked to others and go to know people better.</p>
<p>Lucky26, you are NOT loser, you are just shy and there is nothing wrong with being shy. How about joining a study group (or instigating one). I see this as different than a typical college group and with your enthusiasm for your major, you would be a real inspiration to the other students. </p>
<p>Is there another living situation that would put you in daily contact with more kids? (like a traditional dorm) </p>
<p>I think your mom is staying upbeat and positive for your benefit, but I also think she would really like to know how upset you are. She can’t fix your problem and maybe you don’t want her help, but she can give you a big hug!</p>
<p>Good luck and let us know how you school year is going.</p>
<p>Can you join some campus activities where you get to know people? Colleges usually have a lot of EC activities. Try to find something that interests you so you can find people you are more likely to have something in common with.</p>
<p>are you athletic? join a team sports, does not have to be varsity, any team sports be basket ball, scoccer or anything. You will overcome the shyness very fast.</p>
<p>My boys are like that. I worry about my high schooler going away since he has been with the same kids pretty much since 2nd grade and does not do well in making friends with anyone new. It’s great he has so many old friends around, but not making new ones scares me when I think about college when he may not know ANYONE at some of the colleges on his list. On the other hand, to eliminate schools for that reason, seems to be avoiding a problem that should be tackled.</p>
<p>I take comfort in that my college son, also a bit introverted has made some friends, maybe not really close friends, but a group that he can be with. He got to know these guys through intermural/ club sports. But NSM’s suggestinons are excellent in that it can be any extracurricular activity where you are with the same group of kids over time that you can get to know them. It may not be a friendship for a long time but it is a start.</p>
<p>Tonight, my college student is out with some high school classmates who hardly gave him the time of the day when they were in school together. He just quietly kept in touch without being pushy. Just there. Now as the steady one, the one that’s there, the one in good shape and interested in what they are doing, he is finally piercing the friendship circle. Took 6 years, but I think they appreciate him more than they could have at age 14 or any teen. </p>
<p>It is particularly hard for my boys because I have one who is everybody’s friend. Yeah, popular with a capital P. Hordes of kids at our house when he lived here. Just his nature. But popularity is not all it is cracked up to be. I think my other boys have grown stronger relationships over time than the superficial ones that my many friended son has. </p>
<p>Take the advice of those on the board. I think you can enjoy yourself in those activities too.</p>
<p>I agree with Northstarmom. Crewing for a show could be great for you because the ostensible purpose isn’t socializing and making friends. Its working as a team to pull off an artistic, creative, technical accomplishment.</p>
<p>It also happens to be lots of fun. People also tend to form bonds that lead to friendships, but you don’t have to address that head-on. It just sort of happens while you’re busy moving set pieces, organizing props, painting backdrops, working the light or sound board, etc.</p>
<p>You are NOT a loser, and please don’t think that. Shyness and reserve can be overcome, and you say you have friends at home so clearly you are capable of this. Don’t measure yourself by your brother’s (or anybody else’s) yardstick. Be yourself, give yourself some time, and ease into some of the opportunities mentioned here. Good luck to you!</p>
<p>Even though you’re living in an apartment this year, eating meals (once a day or once a week?) in a campus residence hall may be a way to meet people. Since you’ll be taking more classes in your major, a study group would be another activity to form bonds. Volunteering is another way to meet people.
You’re finding out a lesson most students don’t learn until after they graduate–living in an apartment can be lonely, not the 24/7 fun “Friends” and other TV shows display.
Best wishes for a very good year.</p>
and {{HUGS}} to you.</p>