<p>I am a second year PR major at the University of Florida. I absolutely love my classes, my professors, and my major. But I have made zero friends. I lived in an apartment with three other roommates, two girls and a guy. The guy was in a frat so he was never home and I never really got to know him, one of the girls locked herself in her room or went home all the time, and the third was extremely rude and pushy and we did not get along. It wasn't working out for me so I moved into another apartment with a new roommate. He is five years older than me and seems to think he's living with a little kid, so, as you might have guessed, we didn't hit it off either. I've given up on the roommate thing because its just not working and in August I'm moving into a one bedroom apartment.</p>
<p>Here's the problem: I have absolutely no friends. Everyone I have met either doesn't talk to me or is too busy to maintain a friendship with me, or they just have better things to do. I have met a lot of people that go out and party all the time and frankly, I don't like that. I like to party, but not with random people in clubs. Its not my scene. I'm painfully shy and 99 times out of 100 won't go out of my way to say hi to someone. I just can't help it.</p>
<p>It doesn't help that all of my friends back home always ask me "Do you love it there? What do you do?" It's really embarrassing to say, "No, I do nothing." I do have friends. I have lots of friends. I'm extremely social. Just not here. I'm out of my comfort zone and I hate it.</p>
<p>I want to go home. But I can't. I can't because first of all I am at the only school in the state that has my program, which happens to be one of the top in the nation. I love my school and wouldn't want to go anywhere else. I also can't go home because my family would be painfully disappointed in me. My mom is the one who says I can talk to her about anything, but then makes me feel horrible if I try. All she does is say, "Well make some friends. Join a club." But she doesn't understand how hard it is for me.</p>
<p>My brother just graduated from here and he had the best four years of his life, so he's constantly telling me that I need to make friends and that its not hard. I look up to him more than anyone in this world and I would hate for him to think I was a loser. Even though I kind of am.</p>
<p>Moral of the story is I absolutely hate it here. I'm all by myself all the time and there's nothing I can do about it. Before you go telling me to join a club and get involved, understand how hard it is for me. I need new ideas. Thanks.</p>
<p>You hate college
You hate drinkin
You hate women
And you hate colleegggeee…</p>
<p>All seriousness aside - are you good looking? Because if you are, you just need to be more outgoing. Like just go to the bar by yourself. Because you are good-looking, no one will think you’re a stalker/loser, even if you clearly have no friends. If you are bad-looking, I suggest you get involved as a stage-hand in a school play. It may be completely futile as far as making friends, but at least you’ll help the play run more smoothly. Another option is to study constantly and earn a Strong GPA so you can get offers from bulge brackets.</p>
<p>The other thing that people responding to this thread will think, and not say, is, well, that your major isn’t Quantitative and thus requires 1/5th of the study time that a Quantitative major would, and that, thus, you have more free time than most students at your school because of a lack of Quantitative Rigor in your schedule. So maybe they’re being short with you so that they can get home to memorize The Fundamental Theorem of Calculus or some brutal Triple Integrals.</p>
<p>As a 40-something year old recovering shy person, let me give you some advice. There are things you can do to mask your shyness. It may take a while before you stop feeling shy inside, but on the outside you can try these three things. One: Look people in the eye. The more you practice this, the easier it it. Two: Speak up. Shy people often talk so low that people can’t hear them. Three: Ask people questions about themselves. People who aren’t shy love to talk about themselves and they love to find willing listeners. If you like what they’re saying about themselves, you may have found a friend.
Good luck. And try these strategies over the next few weeks. I can almost guarantee you will see a difference.</p>
<p>Are you sure you’re being serious? Anyway, being confident in yourself is way more important than being good looking. Being good looking helps, but if you hate yourself, then you might as well not be good-looking at all.</p>
<p>From the sound of it, OP, you just seem stuck in a rut there. Perhaps the pressure of making college “perfect” or making sure you have the “college experience” has stressed you out to the point where you’re just self-defeating. My advice is just to relax, and enjoy your time, no matter where it is.</p>
<p>This sounds like a tragedy. From your post it seems like your constantly thinking about what others think of you 24/7. It is unhealthy, you need to be an in environment where you can actually relax and be social as you’d like. Due to reading other comments I am not exactly sure if you stated that your shy, if you are simply know that these years ( and as an adult) put shyness last or it can be a downfall. You also will feel x100 times better. Also are you being yourself, if so continue… putting on an act, then you probably should stop. Be more outgoing and meet people like yourself, join different clubs. These are simple steps that should help you not crack to your breaking point that you have explained. Good luck.</p>
<p>I think you should start looking inwards. What are you doing wrong? I know so many crappy people who have tons of friends. You don’t have to be perfect to know people. </p>
<p>If you’re too shy, which I think you are (sorry, though I don’t know you). Then, work on it!!</p>
<p>Living on campus helps, from my experience. You get to meet tons of people, people to talk to, people to say hi to, make friends, etc. That’s fine even if you don’t live on campus. </p>
<p>I suggest you get more involved in school, ASAP. I’ve only been in my school since January and I know so many people, just by getting involved.</p>
<p>To sum it up: 1. Try to open up, Texasmama has very helpful tips. 2. Get involved in school. Join groups, attend meetings, attend school activities, etc.</p>
<p>I agree with ABR, I think you seem to be stuck in a rut and all the external pressure is hindering you from forming your very own experiences, your own comfort zone. Personally, I think the best way to get out of a rut is to just think about something that catches your interest for even a moment, something that excites you and just go with it, don’t over analyze it, just plunge in. Maybe that’s why you’re finding it hard to join clubs? I’m sure there is something you’re passionate about besides your major, right? Find one and join a club/sport. Good luck mate. :)</p>
<p>Try seeing a couselor or something. Try some anti anxiety meds until you feel more comfortable. I’m really shy, I’ve never taken any meds for it but I’ve found that you have to just start talking to people, even though that feeling in the pit of your stomach makes ithard. Working in hs helped me be more social with people. When I started school, I smoked a lot to relieve anxiety, and met a ton of friends hanging out in the designated smoking area. I’ve met friends through study groups. After we would head to the student restuarant for a drink, and just talk for a bit. I guess you just have to realize that people aren’t going to judge you as much as you think they will. And if they do think you’re weird, screw them. There’s plenty of people who are also shy. But the key in my mind is finding friends who make you more outgoing. I am much more extroverted now because I just started goin out and meeting people. I don’t like big parties, but it’s a good way to meet people and relax. </p>
<p>If you think someone is cool, just start small talk, and throw out an invite to do something casual. Once you meet a few new people, you’ll meet their friends. Most of the poeple I am friends with I met through 1 friend. The others I met watching steelers games and goinG Greek. Meeting people can be awkward, but the worst thing that can happen is that you won’t become friends. Maybe think abou joining the newspaper doing some avertising work or pr. Just try and make one ortwo friends, and just meet their friends. And get a job- you meet a lot of people at work. I know I’m always looking to hang out with people, and am always cool with making new friends.</p>
<p>I used to be painfully shy and then I thought to myself I’m going to die a virgin with no friends and no one will come to my funeral except my mom. I then started being more open and doing some of the things Texas said. Alcohol helps a lot in making you more loose and don’t worry you’ll get used to the taste soon enough if you keep drinking it. At a party people expect people to do obnoxious things because a lot of the people there are drunk so just go with it.</p>
<p>I agree with tiff90 and TexasMama and a few other people who I’m too lazy to list. You just gotta force yourself to step outta your shyness bubble. I’m painfully shy, but I have to force myself to talk to people and soon it just comes naturally. Really, all you need to do to start is the whole eye contact, slight smile, question asking technique. And if you join a club or organization you enjoy or like, talking to other people who have the same interests there should be easier now that you have common ground.
I have to disagree with the “drinking to loosen you up” thing. I mean, a drink here and there in nerve-wracking situations, like a party, is ok. (I don’t recommend getting trashed tho; you might not remember who you just made friends with and did something idiotic that you might never live down.) But you don’t want to rely on drinking as a way to loosen up and become less shy since you won’t always be in situations where you can drink. And if you whip out a flask, well, then you just look a little like a drunk. Try to work on sober techniques. They’ll stay with you in the long run.</p>
<p>i know a bit what you’re going through. I dont have alot of friends at my school either. but one thing that helped me alot was to just ask that random question at the end of class to a classmate and go from there. I did that in my freshman seminar and we both didnt know anything about what was going on in the class so we just made fun of our teacher on the low. ahh good times…</p>
<p>To the OP, I know it might be difficult, but it does help to push yourself and get out of your comfort zone to make friends. I know some suggested how they started drinking to become social. I’m not condemning drinking or smoking, but I will say that you shouldn’t resort to doing things just to fit in if it makes you feel uncomfortable. </p>
<p>Get out of your comfort zone by doing things like starting a conversation with a person in your class.</p>
<p>I didn’t realize that many people out there felt the same like me. And it is true: people usually do suggest joining a club (I know I often do), but for some (even me) I do find that just joining a club doesn’t necessarily bring about friends if you don’t reach out to others and make conversation. Especially if the club has a large membership.</p>
<p>I absolutely know where you’re coming from. I moved 2 years ago(junior yr. of hs) and it took such a toll on me that I spent my last two years of high school with no REAL friends. I’m a quiet person so shyness sort of comes with it. But honestly, find what you love doing. For me it was cosmetology, it gave me the confidence and people skills I always lacked. </p>
<p>Now that I’m going into college I’m making sure that I get involved, make lots of friends, and just have fun. So I would say:
Join a club that interests you!
Make friends with people in your classes! Put yourself out there in small steps, suggest a study group.
Smile! It goes a LONG way and shows that you’re friendly.
Try striking up small conversations with everyone you meet, it helps you to break the ice with anyone! And if something embarrassing happens, you probably will never see them again.
Love a sport? Join an intramural team! Or want lifelong connections? Rush a Fraternity/Sorority.
Think of them as if they’re your friends back home! How do you act around those friends? Do that with your potential friends!
Don’t think so much. You can easily psych yourself out, just remember that everyone wants to make lots of friends! People aren’t as rigid as they may seem. They have the same self doubts you do!
Be yourself. Push your comfort zone a little each day, but always trust your instincts.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s too late for this, but why don’t you try and get into a dorm? That’s where most people make the bulk of their college friendships.</p>
<p>On top of this and the other suggestions, I’d really like to stress that you get counseling. They should have counselors right there on campus (low cost or even free).</p>
<p>Another concern I have is that you are a PR major. I work in this field and I know that people skills are fairly important. Coming from a fellow shy person, you will need to commit to developing your people skills almost as passionately as your major – because the two will go hand-in-hand. Read everything you can get your hands on this subject, get counseling, join clubs, do volunteer work, get an internship or part-time job, and/or join a church. Practice the “smile, eye contact, question asking tactics” on strangers like store clerks. You’ll get through this but I do also sense that you might also be suffering from depression and the earlier anti-depressant suggestion is a good one.</p>
I wouldn’t say most people make friends from living in the dorm, my sibling for example most of their good friends are in a different floor/ hall. Also roommate perspective, siblings first roommate they were so so friends but now rarely contact as opposed to second ( went in friends). I suggest to stay in a dorm to live on campus where you are likely to meet other students like yourself. Since your status now is either junior or senior you might be able to opt for an upperclassmen hall. Although most juniors/ seniors usually stay off campus unless they are an RA ( I think).</p>