@MotherOfDragons you don’t know my family situation or what we say about college to my to my brother at all so calm down with your assumption. I’m helping out my parents because they have begged me to because they have gotten nowhere with him. You’re rude attitude is not welcome here
@GnocchiB I totally understand that. Im posting this on here and not them because they don’t know how to use any of this stuff. I’m basically posting this on behalf of them. I’m not nearly as involved in this process as it seems. I’m just giving this info to my parents for them to do what they want with lit
Bummer for your brother. I wish you all the best. You’re a smart young thing; I’m sure you’ll have your brother all figured out soon and be able to send him wherever you think is best.
He likely doesn’t want to make any decisions because you and your parents are on top of him about making the right decisions. What happens if he says mom, dad, I want to not go to college? military? etc. Give him some room. He’s the one who is starting his life, not you all.
I agree with all the people who say leave him alone. He is marinating on it and will figure something out for himself as soon as you guys stop pestering him, or when he is ready.
@whitespace if he said that I’m sure we would all be overjoyed, my parents don’t care what he wants to do as long as he shows some interest in something in life
Many of the kids at our high school just shoot off a few applications to the state schools and happily go off to attend them. One honors senior boy I know applied to 3 state schools. He said, I’ll be fine at any of them. Very little fuss, stress, or bother. Maybe he just doesn’t appreciate the family trying to make this take over so much of his remaining time in high school.
His stats seem low for UVa out of state. Consider he may be anxious that the family expects too much of him and he won’t get in to these schools?
If he wants to stay close to home and he doesn’t seem invested in the process, point him to a couple of state schools within an hour of home. He’d have the option of coming and going on the weekends, although I imagine once he’s settled, he’d not take advantage very often. I attended college 30 minutes from home and it was as close or as far as I wanted it to be. I went home once or twice a semester. It certainly made Thanksgiving and Christmas easy.
Let him go to your state flagship, or even community college if that is what he wants. Plenty of people do very, very well via those routes. He can try some areas out freshman year, and settle on a major after that and maybe after visiting the career office. Why are you all so invested in him going away or going to a school that has some kind of brand cache? It is his life. He DOESN’T have to grow up yet. And some people are late bloomers – that is okay, too.
@mathyone @mamaedefamilia I think UMass is probably where he will end up. It’s within a half hour from us so he can come home when he wants and they have tons of majors to choose from as well as tons of different people so he can find his “group”. I think he would be really happy there and that’s what my parents are most concerned about. They don’t care where he goes or what he majors in or what he does as long as he is happy.
@intparent see above
just to clarify WE ARE NOT TRYING TO FORCE COLLEGE/ELITE COLLEGES ON HIM. My parents literally could care less where he wants to go to school. We just really want him to find a place where he is happy and can be excited about
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And Jiminy Crickets "have your parents pick a school for him" NO! He's not a toddler. Let him go do what he wants to do. <<
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yes because always letting teenagers “go do what they want to do” ALWAYS works out for the best. ha ha.
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Why don't you start by asking him what he wants. If he says 'they're all fine" then maybe they ARE ALL FINE for him, and back off and let him choose next fall. <<
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now this I agree with. just tell him you want him to apply to UMass and UConn. then you and your parents leave him alone about it. remind him when it’s time to send the applications, make sure he does, and then leave him alone about it again. and if he doesn’t indicate any other plan like military, gap year, another school, then have him choose between UConn and UMass (applying to two schools rather than one gives him some agency in this process and makes it his decision). and then the worst case scenario is he will go to UMass or UConn, have fun, do great, come home a couple times a year, and graduate with a good degree. now does that really sound so bad?
you and your parents seem to be seeing a problem where there is none. likely he just isn’t the sort of kid to compulsively obsess over minute details between schools that appear roughly equal. he said himself they are all fine, so take his word for it. have him apply to two, give him the freedom to change his mind later, and leave him alone about it until he says otherwise. BOOM – nonexistent problem solved.
So what is the issue? Be sure he knows the date for applications in the fall, and gets his in early if it is rolling admissions or there is a scholarship date. If you all don’t care where he goes as long as he is happy, and he isn’t interested in going far or doing a lot of visiting, I don’t see what this post is about.
@Wien2NC thank you for the advice! I think it’s hard for my parents because I was going through the college search very recently and I am much different than him. I am a complete planner and I like to have things mapped out and my parents did not have to do much work for me. My brother is the opposite and is very go with the flow. They understand this and so do I, they just have a hard time accepting it.
@intparent we don’t care where he goes but we would like him to at least pick some schools. All of the schools he has toured have been because thats what the college counselor recommended he look at. He has no preferences of schools so basically he has nowhere to apply.
Can you put yourself in his shoes and imagine the pressure that he feels as a junior in high school? He does not have to have it all figured out yet.
Having people desperately needing you to be “happy” and “excited” is a burden in and of itself.
Maybe he’ll slog off to state school, or community college, and be ambivalent about it. It’s his life.
@SouthFloridaMom9 actually I can put myself in his shoes because I was in them 2 years ago haha. I am only a freshman in college. The difference is that I was actually excited about school and interested in looking at colleges and finding where I’d be happy.
My sons is the same age as your brother. The VAST majority of his friends are super focused and stressed about junior year GPA’s, workload, upcoming AP tests and SAT/ACT tests. They are in survival mode. All strong students, all college bound but that is not where their head is at right now. They want to think about their sports, their activities or their friends in their free time and NOT college. Boys are different in this regard than girls, or at least a lot of boys. I think he is being pretty normal about all of this. The world will absolutely not end if he doesn’t have a list by the time the school gets out this year. Let him enjoy this moment for what it is and step back.
Frankly, unless he is going for ED or EA…the world won’t even end if he doesn’t have a list by August (yes some on CC will disagree but really…it won’t). He can write his essays without having a list. He can start his common app without having a list.
While my son may have a much clearer idea of at least what he wants from a school (major, location, size, etc) than your brother it doesn’t mean he truly is interested in touring right now. It feels premature to him and I have to be very very careful not to pressure him. It also doesn’t mean that any of that (major, location, size, etc) will really end up being what he does want at the end of the day.
If he doesn’t want to provide input right now, drop it. I mean drop it entirely. Cramming a bunch of schools down his throat because you/your parents thinks he needs to see them is clearly not producing the desired result, either in generating interest or in helping him narrow things down. Leave it alone and let him find his way. Pressure = shutdown for many.
But don’t just “pick” a school for him. It if came to that, frankly, he should go to CC and then transfer when he is ready for that step. I suspect given his resume that a switch will flip when it’s ready and in time for him to find his place. I know for my son, the more I push, the longer it will take for that switch to activate on its own. And that includes not discounting ideas or schools that I am not crazy about at all.
And FWIW I also attended my state flagship, 15 min from home and saw my parents at holidays and breaks. That’s it.
That was your experience, OP. Let him have his own. You guys really need to back off and let him be. You sound like you are in panic mode. He has months and months and months to decide where he wants to apply.