<p>My D created her own list and ultimately decided where she would apply (she did add one “parent choice” applicatin, though), but she was pretty gracious about listening to others’ opinions. For example, we went to visit one school that she was interested in and I mentioned another that was close by and asked if she’d like to tack a second school onto the visit. She said sure, even though she knew nothing about the other school, and really liked it. It was the much-agonized over second choice at decision time. Perhaps if you ask your mom to articulate why she doesn’t like particular schools, that might be helpful. I was very comfortable in telling my D “I don’t think you would be happy living there” and I was right a lot of the time.</p>
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The problem is that what YOU know you want in October is not always the same as what YOU want in May. So a wide range of options is a good, good thing.</p>
<p>Just a suggestion…get your mom REALLY involved in your search process. Have a nice conversation and ask for her help. Make a list of what you think is important in the colleges you apply to…and explain why each of the elements is important to you. Then ask your mom to come up with a list of schools that she thinks would be good for you to apply to that meet the criteria on your list. Make your resources available to her…college guidebooks, on line sites, etc., and ask her to meet with you in a week so you can go over the list she comes up with together.</p>
<p>In the meantime, do the same thing yourself…come up with a list and include reasons why for each school.</p>
<p>The next week, go over both lists together respectfully. See if there is some overlap. Be open minded about schools your mother proposes. See if you can together come up with a list that pleases both of you.</p>
<p>If nothing else, this will help you determine the real source of your mother’s objections to the schools on your list. Is it distance ? Is it cost? Is your mother maybe afraid to tell you that there just aren’t parental funds for your college dreams and a Plan B might be necessary? So that maybe you need to find schools similar to your favored schools, but a little lower on the selectivity scale so that you can score some merit money?</p>
<p>It’s important to have these conversations now rather than in April.</p>
<p>Book recommendation: “Getting to Yes” by Fisher, Ury and Patton
This is a very old (1981, with a new edition in the 90s I believe), short and easy to read book that is GREAT not just for this problem but for many many dealings with people throughout your life…
I highly recommend it for help with this problem and many others!
Good luck!</p>
<p>zoosermom;</p>
<p>I completely agree with that. Come May, I questioned why I even applied to some places, but having those options (that my parents didn’t even want me to apply to) worked wonders. </p>
<p>OP: You shouldn’t completely close off your mom from the process. Parents like to feel like they are right sometimes, give it to her! Listening works wonders during this process. Take her suggestions, share yours with her…but honestly, this isn’t a fight that you want to pick now. Choose your battles with parents wisely. Come May, when you have everything laid out in front of you, that’s when you schmooze in full blast and make final visits to colleges. Tell your mom that your applying to colleges isn’t a final decision. Applying doesn’t mean you are GOING there. Applying means that you are giving yourself options - options that really will matter, given the college admissions climate we are currently under. It’s tough, and having options in colleges is always what you need. Apply to schools that you will go to if it comes to it, not schools that you have no interest in. </p>
<p>GOOD LUCK! :D</p>
<p>Perhaps you can sit down with her and make a list of 6 - 10 characteristics you would both like to see in a college for you. Then, go your seperate ways and make lists of schools that have many of those traits. Finally combine the list and work from there.</p>
<p>OP - I have it on good authority that your mother has also selected a spouse for you … not much to look at, kinda asexual, and zero personality … but rich!</p>
<p>(In other words, recognize that while parents may have opinions, it’s your job to manage the relationship. Lots of good suggestions by prior posters.)</p>
<p>Go to your dad lol.</p>