Help -- Please Grade my Essay?

<p>I have written an essay and have already been scored, but I would appreciate more feedback. I will reveal the score I received after a few responses to prevent any bias while grading. I will be taking the test in December. Thank you in advance!</p>

<p>Oops! I forgot to attach my essay. I will type it up right now.</p>

<p>The prompt is: Is taking risks necessary to reach success?</p>

<p>Many people presume that the only way to reach success is through taking risks. Although taking risks is sometimes necessary, refusing risks can actually pave the path to success because taking uncalculated risks can be immoral, create disorder, and prevent opportunities for future successes. An example that portrays this situation is the novel Jigsaw.</p>

<p>In the novel Jigsaw, two friends, Carter and Logan, are swim athletes. While training together for a competition, Logan suggests that they both obtain performance-enhancing drugs so that they can do better in the competition. Shocked at his friend’s immorality, Carter refuses to take the risk o fusing the drugs and getting caught. Angry at his friend’s refusal, Logan stops training with Carter and uses the performance enhancing drugs himself. He believes that the reason Carter refused to take the drugs is he was to afraid to take risks to reach his goal. He believed that it was necessary to take the risk, since many others also used the drugs and he wanted to win, no matter what. However, during a drug screening a few months later, Logan is caught. His action of taking the risk was more impulsive rather than reasonable. He was driven to take the risk because he was too determined to reach his goal. This extreme determination blinded him to morality and he was using whatever means possible to reach his goal. His decision to take the risk was further fueled by his temporary anger towards Carter, not by rationality. Furthermore, Logan was no longer allowed to compete in swimming. Often times the risks people take are unreasonable and ignore the long-term effects, preventing their future successes. This willingness to take a risk ultimately led Logan to his failure.</p>

<p>Carter, on the other hand, had calculated the consequences of taking the risk and had refused to take it. Since he did not take the risk, he trained much more to defeat those who did. Since Carter did not risk getting caught during a screening , he was able to continue swimming and win multiple races during his career. Whereas Logan was castigated for his impulsive behavior, Carter was praised for his determination and resolve. His refusal to take a risk indicated his maturity and morality, as those were the factors that drove his refusal.</p>

<p>Risk-taking is sometimes necessary, but can often times result in failure if the risk is not calculated. People must understand that taking risks is not the only path to success and it is sometimes necessary to stay safe from the risk of failure.</p>

<p>I wrote this essay in 25 minutes, and it fills up the two pages.</p>