<p>can someone help me with this essay please? i really think im going crazy. i can't seem to say what i am trying to say and its giving me an headache. i keep arguing with myself and its getting really confusing...</p>
<p>My personal concern is the overimportance of materialism, especially money, in this world and the lack of apathy that comes along with it. It seems, to me, that money has to become a source of greed and obsession among people. Most people desire money. It is not the money they desire, as money has no value of itself, it is what money can get. Money is only a device people use to get the things they want. It has evolved from bartering, instead of trading something that one desires with another thing that the other desires, money is used to get the thing that one desires while not having to sacrifice anything on the part of the one getting the item. It seems that people know that money has no worth on its own. Its worth is only what other people make it. Take the dollar for example. If everyone were to willingly to discard it and begin bartering, the value of the dollar would be nothing. It is ridiculous in the sense that money is only something that people agree has a value. This value does not exist yet peoples belief makes it existant!<br>
When people see money or whatever they can purchase with that money, they become greedy and a change occurs in their personality. They think of things that they can purchase or do that will make them feel superior. This very feeling often makes the world unequal. People only help others whenever they themselves are satisfied of their own comforts and what they have received for their so-called perceived troubles.</p>
<p>wow. i never thought of that. the truth is that im having a hard time caring about writing this. ill try to point it back to me. thanks for the info</p>
<p>Yeah... Its kind of troublesome. I keep finding the negatives in whatever I write. What im <em>trying</em> to say is that its a personal, well, i can make it international concern. so its a international concern over the importance of materialism and how it affects peoples' judgments and emotions, basically clouding the judgments and such. basically going into more detail and then stating that due to such apathy, that it concerns me that people are worried about a bank balance, something that has come into existence because of desire and want, instead of helping others. ---> people only help others after they have satisfied their own desires. </p>
<p>you guys are right about the connection with me but what should i specifically say that it connects back to me? i, myself, often swing between apathy and caring based on the most recent experiences so its hard to understand whether this may be considered a concern of mine.</p>
<p>I think it comes off as impersonal because you're speaking in broad, abstract terms. Rule 12 in the Elements of Style: "Use definite, specific, concrete language." Strunk uses this as an example:
He showed satisfation as he took possession of his well-earned reward.
vs.
He grinned as he pocketed the coin.</p>
<p>He also quotes Herbert Spencer on the subject: "This superiority of specific expressions is clearly due to the effort required to translate words into thoughts. As we do not think in generals, but in particulars...it follows that when an abstract word is used, the hearer or reader has to choose, from his stock of images, one or more by which he may figure to himself the genus mentioned. In doing this, some delay must arise, some force be expended; and if by employing a specific term an appropriate image can be at once suggested, an economy is achieved, and a more vivid image produced."</p>
<p>Instead of discussing materialism, money, and apathy in the abstract, you need to apply it to a "real-life" situation, preferably one drawn from your own experience--maybe a time when you were buying something or witnessed someone else being the victim of this money-apathy business. If you show a concrete, tangible example of your topic, you can then discuss it more in the abstract with the example situation as a base. This makes it 1) better writing and 2) a better reflection of you as a person! :D</p>
<p>Ok, I did another essay. Sorry for the delay - I was procrastinating like crazy. This essay is about "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence."</p>
<p>A person who has had a significant influence on me would be Mohandas K. Gandhi. Gandhi had fought intolerance through the use of nonviolence. This of course led to India becoming independent and greater focus on using civil disobedience to fulfill one’s goals. However, none of that has influenced me. What has influenced me is the fact that a major aspect of Gandhi being successful was making fellow Indians and enemies understand humility. Humility is defined as a humble view of one’s own importance and actions. What I see from the nonviolence movement is that Gandhi was able to influence another’s viewpoint by simply being beaten, insulted or degraded. Through this continual acceptance of these treatments, people were able to “see” what they were doing to another and changed. The treatment that one puts another through would influence a person into seeing what they were doing and why they were doing it. Although this may be simple and obvious, when I try to understand this influence and dwell on it, it explains the more simple things that are often overlooked: people thinking or believing that they are more superior to one another and have the right or authority to take more actions than another. This influence has changed my way of thinking. I used to believe that people could only be forced to do things, for their or others’ own good. The only way to control people and have people respect you would be to make them submit under you. Now I think that to make others understand fully, humility is necessary. </p>
<p>I actually * do * believe this but I don't know whether others would get the message. Can someone help me? Thank you in advance.</p>
<p>Why did you have to say that? A well written essay does not need to be explained. Consider writing a narrative and this instead of telling how Gandhi has influenced your thoughts, show it.</p>
<p>problem with "showing my thoughts," everything i think and philosophize is theoretical and not practical though these philosophies are the core of my difference from others. theoretical meaning having no experiences about these things, just thinking about and reviewing them</p>