I am an international coming from a really small town which has never sent anyone to college in the US ( I did everything on my own and actually spent more time researching than writing essays lol), but I kind of had this dream to study in Cornell ever since I was a kid, and I worked upon that dream to get selected to the class of 2021 with a full ride.
It is one of those things that you work really hard towards but still think it is out of your reach until you really achieve it. Now that I have finally achieved my dream, I am scared for what comes next. I am totally clueless about college life there and feel really anxious about how I am going to adapt to a totally new place. At first I thought it would all be magical, but now I am facing the harsh reality. I have no connections there and I feel kind of disadvantaged in the aspect of social life since I come from a really small international town ( Also, i am kind of socially anxious), so I am afraid as to how I am going to make new friends and just blend in. I will have to leave all my old friends and start over once again.
I know I will ultimately get used to it all, but I still can’t shake this fear, and I feel really anxious and nervous about it everyday.
Thank you for reading my post and letting me vent. I already feel a bit better.
Hey I’m an international student too, also from a small village and not at all outgoing which obviously isn’t the best starting point when you want to make friends. Since traveling in North America, my dream was always to live there and so I left Europe all by myself, without knowing one person and went to Canada’s beautiful west coast. I am in my second year now but I know exactly what you mean.
During my first semester, I did make friends but only with exchange students from my country (yes, how dumb!) who went back home after their exchange was over and then there I was, lonely and homesick. In the second Semester, I decided I had enough and that I need to put myself out there because people won’t just randomly knock at my door, it doesn’t work that way.
So I talked to my bathroom mate (best friends now!), studied together with course mates, joined clubs I wasn’t even interested in and spent time in my student residence dorm’s common area. I did make friends, and if an introvert like me can do that, so you can you, by using exactly these strategies.
It all turned out ok, I’m loving it here and I’m not even going home this summer. You should see studying and living abroad, leaving everyone and doing courses in a foreign in language not as an obstacle, but as an adventure and the opportunity of your lifetime because that’s what it is.
Also I remember my parents said the day before I left that if it doesn’t work out, you can just come home and you’re already a winner (rather than loser) for at least trying and I think this is true. If it works out, good for you! If not, then it was an experience, you go home, and life will go on (it won’t matter in the long run).
Good luck and have a safe flight
That’s really interesting! Reading your story makes me feel a lot better about my situation knowing that you also went through all this. I will definitely keep this all in mind. The last two paragraphs were really encouraging!
Cornell probably has an international student organization that can help you with the details of transitioning in and help you start building bridges to your new life as a college student. Try not to think about the whole process at once, take one step at a time. If you are open to using resources, there are many to help at American colleges. You can do this, hang on to the confidence that got you to this point. Congratulations!
@NorthernMom61 Thank You! Yes, I was invited to a free orientation program to help with transition for international scholars which I am going to attend. Could you on into details about the resources you are talking about?
Remember that right now, everything is an unknown to you. You don’t know where you are living, eating sleeping, studying. You don’t know who your friends will be. But soon you will. This is true for most college students! You are not the only one worrying.
Also, colleges know that you may need some help transitioning…that is why they have the internatinal scholar orientation program…they also might have regular freshman orienation as well for you to attend.
Colleges have many tools to help you succeed, you just have to reach out.
Here are my general tips on making friends at college:
This time of year we see many posts about how they are having a hard time adjusting because they don’t have any friends. With all of these, obviously try to do them with your roommate as well. But if that is not working out, then…
During Orientation, go to as many activities as you can. Ask people in your hall way if they are going. Introduce yourself…they are looking for friends too. “Hey, I am Pat…what are you majoring in?”
Go to the Activities Fair and sign up for a bunch of clubs that are of interest. They may not all pan out, but don’t eliminate anything yet. If you are into music/D&D/running/church/whatever, you can find other people who are interested too. Service clubs are great because you spend time working together.
Talk to the people on your floor…Get some cookies and offer them “Hey I have cookies, anyone want some?” and then strike up a conversation about where they are from, what they are majoring in, etc. People like to talk about themselves…let them. Don’t make it too long…move on to others.
At dinner time, ask your roommate/people on your hall if they are going to dining hall. Go with them. See if people in your dorm generally sit in the same area… Join them.
Go to any dorm activities your RA has set up. If you are still having issues, talk to your RA. See if they have ideas. If not suggest that they have one. Maybe a movie and pizza?
Join your dorm’s intramural (or any intramural) team.
Talk to others in your classes…exchange numbers so that if either of you miss you can exchange notes… Ask what someone got on a homework question (that you did too)…once you get to know them, ask if they want to form a study group.
If this isn’t working, go to the Counseling Center…they are ready to help freshman this time of year. Don’t think you are a loser because you have to go…this is something you pay for! Get the benefit! You may need to learn some new social skills. They may also have group talks on Homesickness or fitting in.
Go to ongoing campus activities…concerts/movies/lectures/parties. Invite someone/group of people or just sign up and meet people for activities that might be off campus.
See if your dorm/floor has a GroupMe Group set up…otherwise suggest to someone who is extraverted that it might be a good idea. Then people can send a group text that they are showing a movie in the lounge or are baking cupcakes in the kitchen.
You may notice that all of these things take some action…they are not passive. You have to take initiative. But the risk is small…if someone says no, then just say “Maybe another time”.
Most colleges have lots of support programs. Academic support, career support, health, and mental health programs, just to name a few. There are lots of organized activities, clubs, trips etc. as well. You should be able to find information about some of these things on the Cornell website. There might be some kind of exposition (activities fair) of programs and organizations during your orientation. Don’t worry you might be the only young person from your village, but you will by no means be the only person who feels worried and even overwhelmed starting college. It might be a bit scary now, but it is also an amazing opportunity and an adventure.