HELP! Roommate Essay: How to Eat a Banana

Colleges and Universities A-Z Stanford University
1

<p>So I've been stuck on the Roommate Essay for quite a while but I got a weird idea and tried it out. Please tell me if this works at all, if it doesn't make sense, should I ditch the idea, etc. Be harsh on your criticisms and comments :)</p>

<p>Here it is:</p>

<p>Hello roommate,</p>

<p>I could tell you that I play piano and ukulele, that I live in Germany but speak Hebrew, or that I am compassionate, honest, and empathetic. But no. I choose to tell you about bananas. I hope you learn the ways of the banana and a little about me as well. So here we go:</p>

<p>How to Eat a Banana</p>

<ol>
<li>Find the easiest spot to peel. The easiest spot to peel from is the bottom. Don’t peel from the top, as you will unnecessarily use more energy.</li>
</ol>

<p>Bill Gates once said, “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” Am I lazy? I prefer efficient. In everything I do, I find the quick but thorough way. In Super Mario, I complete the levels carefully but take all the shortcuts to rescue Princess Peach as soon as possible.</p>

<ol>
<li>Peel into three equal peels, as commonly shown in cartoons. This is the ideal banana and makes it seem more delicious.</li>
</ol>

<p>I begin everyday by dividing the day into different parts, each marked with a task. This helps me to use every day to its full potential. At the end of the day, I feel accomplished.</p>

<ol>
<li>Eat the banana until the end. Even if the last bit tastes bad, you will get all the benefits from the banana.</li>
</ol>

<p>Once I start something, there is no quitting. When I started a 1000 piece puzzle of Van Gogh’s Sunflowers, I endured and finished it in merely three days, even when colorblindness hindered me from differentiating between the all-yellowy pieces. </p>

<ol>
<li>Eat other fruit as well. Bananas have many nutrients, but they don’t have it all. Eat other fruit such as apples, kiwis, and strawberries.</li>
</ol>

<p>Being exposed to many different worldviews from a young age, I've learned that each one has its positives and negatives. Therefore I try to absorb all of them and learn the best of each.</p>

<p>So there you go. Just follow these four easy steps and you’ll be set for life.</p>

<h2>Your future roommate,</h2>

2

<p>Is this how you introduce yourself to someone in real life? You sound as if you are trying to impart life advice to your roommate before you two have even met. If you want to talk about bananas, sure go ahead, but I think you should cut away all the advices and remove the patronising tone.</p>

3

<p>I agree with the post above. You sound arrogant and patronising, giving advice to a peer whom you never met. Banana is not the problem. </p>

<p>I’m sure you are a likeable person, but this barely comes across. Any hypothetical roommate would think you will boss him around, tell him what to do, think you’re better than him etc. </p>

<p>Why don’t you relax and think of yourself as you are with your close friends? How would you describe yourself in that context? You’re not telling them how to live, how to divide their day into 3 parts and feel accomplished, are you? Do a light piece. The reader should like you,</p>

<p>Just my two cents. Hope this helps.</p>

4

<p>Seems condescending/pretentious to be saying this to your future Stanford roommate. Maybe try a funny anecdote instead?</p>

5

<p>Honestly, I had no idea this would come out as condescending. Thanks so much for the comments guys! I’ve tried taking out those parts… (if I failed again, I might just give this essay prompt a rest and move on). Try to read it like you haven’t read the previous one, if that works at all. (:</p>

<p>Hello roommate,</p>

<p>When I first decided to write a letter to you, I thought about telling you that I play piano and ukulele, that I live in Germany but speak Hebrew, or that I am compassionate, honest, and empathetic. But on a quirkier note, I chose to tell you about bananas, or more specifically, how I eat bananas, because I think it’s a good analogy to who I am. Strange, huh? Oh and don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of time to share our backgrounds and hobbies. After all, we’ll be roommates for an entire year.</p>

<p>So bananas… The first step I take is to find the easiest spot to peal, which is the bottom. I don’t peel from the top, since that would unnecessarily require more energy. </p>

<p>… Bill Gates once said, “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” Am I lazy? I prefer efficient. In everything I do, I find the quick but thorough way. In Super Mario, I complete the levels carefully but take all the shortcuts to rescue Princess Peach as soon as possible.</p>

<p>After that, I peel it into three equal peels, as commonly shown in cartoons. In my opinion, this is the ideal banana and makes it seem more delicious.</p>

<p>… I begin everyday by dividing the day into different parts, each marked with a task. This helps me to use every day to its full potential. At the end of the day, I feel accomplished.</p>

<p>I make sure to eat the banana until the end. Even if the last bit tastes bad, I know that I’ll get all the benefits from the banana.</p>

<p>… Once I start something, there is no quitting. When I started a 1000 piece puzzle of Van Gogh’s Sunflowers, I endured and finished it in merely three days, even when colorblindness hindered me from differentiating between the all-yellowy pieces. </p>

<p>Of course, I eat other fruit as well. Bananas have many nutrients, but they don’t have it all. I like other fruits such as apples, kiwis, and strawberries.</p>

<p>… Exposed to many different worldviews from a young age, I’ve learned that each has its positives and negatives. Therefore I try to absorb them all and learn the best of each.</p>

<p>And that’s how I eat my banana! I hope that was interesting. (If not, I have many other stories not concerning fruit.) Hope to see you soon!</p>

<h2>Your future roommate,</h2>

6

<p>This might just be me, but I feel like the piece is too fragmented, there’s no real flow from one part to the next. I also feel like I still don’t know much about you after reading this, a lot of the points you covered are quite general. Try refocusing by talking about specific anecdotes in your life.</p>

7

<p>OP: I’m going to say what I believe many readers may be thinking…are you using another essay for another “quirky” school and trying to incorporate it into a “room-mate letter” for Stanford?..it’s just not working…</p>

<p>…may I ask if you have ever written and/or received a sincere letter from your parents, friends, girlfriend, boyfriend, brothers, acquaintances, etc…good letters tend to be personal and brings to “light” your true personality, character, and most importantly, your VOICE…</p>

<p>…and if I were you, I would not let the world see your “letter” on CC…it should be kept as confidential as possible…</p>

<p>…think about it.</p>

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<p>Agree with gravitas2 in the point that you should never post an essay like this on CC. Someone could easily copy it, and you could be accused of plagiarism if something similar to your essay appears in another application. </p>

<p>“When I first decided to write a letter to you, I thought about telling you that I play piano and ukulele, that I live in Germany but speak Hebrew, or that I am compassionate, honest, and empathetic.”</p>

<p>“Once I start something, there is no quitting. When I started a 1000 piece puzzle of Van Gogh’s Sunflowers, I endured and finished it in merely three days, even when colorblindness hindered me from differentiating between the all-yellowy pieces.”</p>

<p>Parts like these make it seem as if you’re trying too hard to ingratiate yourself with the Stanford admission office. They seem a bit contrived. </p>

<p>In this essay, do not strive to impress the admission office. This is the one in which they really want to hear your own voice. The banana idea seems like a contrived, awkward attempt to stand out which will ultimately blur their understanding of you…all the space you spend talking about bananas is space that you could spend giving them more information about you. </p>

<p>See this blog:
[Confessions</a> from Stanford – ARCHIVED](<a href=“http://confessionsfromstanford.blogspot.com%5DConfessions”>http://confessionsfromstanford.blogspot.com)</p>

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<p>Also, you may not be paying attention to this now, but remember that it is 250 words MAXIMUM, not minimum, this year and it will be reinforced. I could be wrong considering I’m using a smartphone, but yours looks a bit long to me…</p>

10

<p>I’d consider scrapping this and coming up with another idea. Not to be mean, but to help you.</p>

<p>It doesn’t seem coherent. When I read it, each paragraph screams, “LOOK AT ME I’M SO UNIQUE ADMISSIONS OFFICE. THIS IS EVERYTHING YOU WANT RIGHT”</p>

<p>Focus on one aspect of your life. Anecdotes, as someone stated above, are very helpful.</p>

<p>And please please please, show not tell. “I’m -insert adjectives here-,” “I worked for three days,” etc. Those phrases do not offer a single image. Get vivid and be creative. Don’t be forced. Good luck!</p>

11

<p>I’m not gonna critique your essay, as it’s gotten enough feedback. But I’ll give you some advice on writing in general that I found helpful.</p>

<p>This time, last summer, I was working on my transfer essays for Stanford. Well, more like obsessing over my essays. I would scour the internet for hours every day just looking for essay-writing advice, reading both articles written by experts and forums such as CC. The following were three pieces of advice I found helpful.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Write about what YOU want to write about. I noticed that many failing essays seemed either too narcissistic or lacked personality.
EX: I wrote about the relationship I had with my cat after getting back from Afghanistan. It was probably unique, since few applicants have been to war, but it wasn’t quirky or bizarre. Even if I hadn’t been to war, I probably would’ve found away to write about my cat, “Sushi”, since I love him so much. </p></li>
<li><p>Don’t describe the whole room (you don’t have enough time), describe the leg of the chair.
EX: Pretty self-explanatory. Don’t try to fit everything you want to say into a single essay. Split it up into several essays or (<em>gasp</em>) only say what’s important to you. </p></li>
<li><p>Instead, allow your RECCOMENDATIONS to describe the room :wink:
EX: Your letters of rec. should compliment your application, without regurgitating every word you said. For example, say you want to mention the hard work BLANK-EVENT took, but you couldn’t fit the details into your application. Let your Rec. know, give them the details, and Voila! Allow some overlap in topics.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Remember, essay is there for the admissions staff to HEAR YOUR VOICE. Leave the bragging for the rest of your application and letters of rec.</p>

<p>Also, I am one of the incoming transfers, so that advice did pay off!</p>

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<p>@Army113 your second point is so ironic because my roommate letter WAS about my room and I’m starting at Stanford in a month! hahaha. I think it’s about how you say it. Just make sure you say what you want, and don’t go overboard trying to be quirky - it’ll make you seem like you’re trying too hard.</p>

13

<p>Well, I get what you are trying to do. </p>

<p>But, it’s thrown off by the examples you choose. Remember why they ask these doofus questions: to see how you choose to respond. What it reveals about you and how you think, what you think is good enough to pass their muster.</p>

<p>I got stopped at the suggestion it’s easier to peel from the bottom. How? There’s no bit of stem to bend back. You don’t want the flow of their reading to be slowed, in this way. </p>

<p>Super Mario, how you divide the day, a puzzle, a statement that cartoon peeling makes them seem more delicious: huh? Nope. If you really want to try this format, find examples that show something that better expresses the qualities and interests they like and need. Not forced. Humble is good.</p>

<p>It’s still about “show, not tell.”</p>

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<p>I also think you state your personal qualities (evidently what you’re trying to get across) TOO blatantly. The admissions officers may see through your essay and think you wrote this essay according to what you thought THEY want to see, not necessarily reflecting yourself</p>

15

<p>Write it like you’re actually talking to someone you’re rooming with. You wouldn’t pour out your personal qualities one after the other, would you?</p>

16

<p>I haven’t read the whole thread so if my point has already been made, ignore this post.
The most obvious flaw of this essay is the lack of purpose. Were you trying to be funny, interesting, original? You didn’t succeed, almost everything in this essay looks lackluster. Furthermore, does this essay say something valuable about you? Of course not. </p>

<p>The topic is trivial and the way you chose to expose your personal qualities is clearly forced. You look as if you’re talking to a four-year-old not-so-smart kid, not to a further roommate at Stanford, really. Better write a completely different essay.</p>

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<p>chandescartes,</p>

<p>personally, I think you should be encouraged. You are devoting much of your time to writing the essays; good for you!</p>

<p>Although your approach is original, it seems a little contrived. How about focusing on one of your anecdotes, i.e. your persistent effort in completing Van Gogh puzzle. I think this anecdote reveals a great deal of your personality.</p>

<p>Cheers!</p>

18

<p>We do not need multiple people necro-posting already-made comments on a completely dead thread.</p>