Help with getting my parents motivated

Parents Forum
1

<p>First off, a few things you need to know: I'm an 8th grader, about to go into high school. I've always been pretty advanced in my classes, and I love school. My middle & high school are really competitive with other schools in our area when it comes to academics, so I've been hearing non-stop about AP, IB, what looks good on a college application and all that. And to be honest, I love it.
You could say that looking at colleges is almost a hobby of mine; it's something I've liked to do since I was little. I'm not really sure why, but it's actually fun for me to look at the pros and cons of things and think about whether its a place I would want to go. I probably sound like an absolute nerd right now, but I promise I do have a social life :)</p>

<p>Ok, so now the problem: Since I'm getting older and high school class registration is literally just a couple weeks away, I thought I'd talk to my parents a little more about my options for college. I figured they would be more than excited to start helping me with planning high school classes and looking at colleges, but they're so reluctant to even talk about it. My dad says that the state school should be good enough for me (despite the fact that it doesn't have the major that I want to major in) and my mom hates conflict, so she just tries to stay out of it. I'm sure a big part of the problem with other schools is financial, but they won't listen when I try to explain EFCs or loans. I know it might be a little early to be concerning myself with all this, but I'm worried that I'll never get through to them.</p>

<p>So, long story short, how do I get my parents excited for high school and college? How did you start this process with your child? Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I appreciate any advice :)</p>

2

<p>It’s impressive that you’re already researching colleges although you’re in 8th grade. I suggest that you do what you can to continue to research colleges while doing what you can to have the grades and scores that will gain you merit aid and other scholarships. I also suggest that you research and apply for college scholarships. The more you are able to raise money to pay for your college education, the greater will be your college options.</p>

<p>I’m suggesting that you take these actions because the only person whom you have control over is yourself, so it’s better to do what you can to make your dreams come true than to rely on your parents.</p>

3

<p>Take advantage of your guidance counselor and their resources. You should be getting some direction from them when it comes to your upcoming course selection. See if you can schedule some one-on-one time to sit down and figure out a 4-year program that will open doors for you.</p>

<p>You want to be the kid with the big ambition and the grades, coursework, and scores to back it up. You want to be well-known to your counselor. With luck, you’ll draw a good capable counselor that can be your advocate and advisor for the next phase of your academic career.</p>

4

<p>I’m sorry, you’re in eighth grade and this is something that will cause “conflict” between your parents? That implies that your mom has a different opinion than your dad, not that she is ambivalent. So work with her if that’s the case. In any event, it seems like you already know more about this than they do, so don’t sweat it.</p>

<p>Four years is a pretty long time. Like everybody else here is basically saying, work with your counselors to find the best classes for your level, get good grades, practice and do well on standardized tests. Beyond that, find ECs that you are really interested in and pursue them. And researching colleges is not an EC.</p>

<p>As far as money, if you do these things you’ll put yourself in the best position to pay for whatever school you go to. Your parents will pay what they are willing to pay. And as you get more into high school they willprobably get more involved.</p>

<p>I don’t know if I’m typical, and I went to high school about 35 years ago. The extent of my parent’s involvement after 8th grade was basically signing things that they had to sign, and getting on my case when I got a B in something.</p>

5

<p>Use your guidance counselor, but come back on CC if the counselor doesn’t understand that, with financial aid, some private colleges can be more affordable than public ones.</p>

<p>The guidance counselor will be mainly concerned with students who are now juniors (and seniors, who are mostly done) in the high school.</p>

<p>Eighth grade is pretty early to be thinking a lot about college. You don’t really know what you will want to study or do. As someone said, a lot can change in 4 years.</p>

<p>I would just make sure you take classes that you want to take, that lead you in the directions you want to go. Most guidance offices are very good at helping with this. If you have any scheduling problems, and can’t fit all the classes that you want, you can always take a class online.</p>

<p>But mainly, just enjoy the rest of middle school and enjoy high school, and don’t think too much about college for a couple of years. Doing things just to get into college can kind of ruin these years. Do what you want for awhile!</p>

<p>Perhaps your parents don’t want to think about this too much yet, and will be more attentive when you are a high school junior. But if they still “don’t care,” you can do a lot yourself, and hopefully guidance will help you a lot.</p>

6

<p>I forgot to add for the OP-</p>

<p>A kid who writes as well as you do in the 8th grade is pretty precocious. If you keep your eye on the ball (your school work and outside interests, and not so much where your dorm will be five years from now) you’ll do vey well.</p>

<p>And I’m sure your parents will develop some entusiasm.</p>

7

<p>I would give your parents a break. I would go nuts if my kids badger me about EFC and student loans at this stage. Just focus on academics in high school and you will have more options open for you, ie you don’t have to go to state school. BTW, high school is a lot harder than middle school. Both of my kids had 4.0 uw GPA in middle school but at least one of them they did not have perfect GPA in high school. It seems like all the competitive kids turn up a notch( effortwise) in high school.</p>

8

<p>Sorry, I cannot believe this was truly written by an 8th grader.</p>

9

<p>If you want the “best” options for finding colleges that your parents can afford, then you need to focus FOR THE NEXT 3 YEARS on taking the HARDEST classes in which you are capable of achieving TOP grades. Top students have more options for acceptances at colleges with strong financial aid programs and /or scholarship programs. Bugging you parents about financial aid at this point is a waste of everyone’s time, including yours. One thing you CAN do to greatly increase your chances of winning scholarships is to be sure students at your HS do take the PSAT in JR year[check with your HS counselor], and take plenty of practice SAT tests, as time allows.</p>

10

<p>*but they’re so reluctant to even talk about it. My dad says that the state school should be good enough for me (despite the fact that it doesn’t have the major that I want to major in) and my mom hates conflict, so she just tries to stay out of it. I’m sure a big part of the problem with other schools is financial, but they won’t listen when I try to explain EFCs or loans. *</p>

<p>Hi!!! :)</p>

<p>I’m so impressed by YOU!!! :)</p>

<p>First of all, your parents are obviously scared at the costs, so mentioning things like EFCs and loans are not going to score any points right now. :slight_smile: There’s no need to be talking about majors at this point. Your parents probably think you’re going to change your mind 10 times over the next 4 years. :wink: When you’re a junior or senior, they’ll be more open to considering whether certain schools have your likely major.</p>

<p>Secondly, instead, **warm your parents up to the idea that schools other than your local state school could give you a big, fat, merit scholarship **if you do well in school and on your ACT/SAT (and/or PSAT). Believe me, any parent who’s worried about their child picking some pricey school will be more open to the thought that “other schools” might be just as affordable if there’s a scholarship. :)</p>

<p>Thirdly, do well in school. Take the most challlenging curriculum that you can, but be sure not to overwhelm yourselve to the point that your GPA suffers. It’s better to protect your GPA a bit, even if it means taking an easy elective instead of a 4th year of a foreign language.</p>

<p>Also, find out if your high school will let you take the PSAT as a freshmen. Some will let you pay the small amount and take the exam. Ask before school starts, so they can order a test for you. From those results, you’ll learn your weak areas; work on those weak areas. Then take the PSAT again as a sophomore. Again, review your weak areas. Your junior year PSAT can be very important if you score high enough to become a National Merit scholar. National merit scholars are one group of kids that are offered big scholarships.</p>

<p>However, even if you don’t make National merit, there are many, many big scholarships out there for kids who have high GPAs and high SAT/ACT scores. </p>

<p>As mentioned above, you’ll also be taking some SAT and ACT tests (take both!!!) during your junior and senior years. You might want to take your first SAT around May/June of your sophomore year IF your school won’t let you take a PSAT before junior year. You can use the results from that SAT to determine weak areas in preparation for your junior year PSAT. :)</p>

<p>Best of luck to you!!! You sound like an awesome kid!!! :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :)</p>

11

<p>When you are in high school, take advantage of your guidance counselor being not too swamped during February and March. These are great months for a freshman or sophomore to talk to his or her guidance counselor - a time of year when the counselor is not facing a deluge of demands from the seniors.</p>

12

<p>One practical piece of advice: When the moment is right, find out from your dad how much $$$ he’s willing to put toward your college tuition. Is he willing and able to pay whatever the state university would cost? If so, you’ll know how much you’ll need to fund with scholarships, grants and loans.</p>

<p>He might not want to talk about it right now because he’s afraid he won’t be able to afford the school you’d really like. So he’s trying to manage your expectations by telling you the State U is fine.</p>

13

<p>At this point, all you really need to worry about is high school course selection, especially for freshman year. As has already been mentioned on this thread, top colleges want to see that you have challenged yourself with a rigorous course load. </p>

<p>If your parents don’t want to think about course planning, there is a lot you can do on your own. Do you have access to the high school course catalog? My kids’ school district makes is available on their website. The catalog should list the classes and the pre-requisites, and what is required to be placed into Honors or AP or IB classes. Do you know anyone who is already in high school, such as an older sibling of a friend? Ask the high school student about the best classes, how many AP/IP classes are typically taken, etc. </p>

<p>Top colleges like to see 4 years each of math, english, social studies, science, and foreign language, so make sure to take foreign language your first year. (I assume that you will be required to take all of the others anyway.) </p>

<p>You mentioned AP and IB programs. Work backwards and figure out what classes you need to take in 9th grade to be able to take AP or IB classes in 10th, 11th, and 12th grades.</p>

14

<p>Thank you all for the advice! I’ll definitely make sure to talk to my counselor when we get back to school. I met her once at the beginning of last year, so hopefully she’ll remember me a little :)</p>

<p>I think I’m taking the hardest classes available, though there’s not very many options in middle school. I have two courses that will go on my high school transcript at the end of the year (Geometry and Spanish 1). Right now I’m getting A’s in both, so I’m hoping that will be a good start. (and, please, don’t take this as bragging, I just can’t find a better way to state any of that)</p>

<p>midwesterner- I promise, I am.</p>

<p>Thank you all for also helping me realize I might be pushing my parents too hard right now. It’s probably difficult for any parent to watch their kid grow up, and I’m not making it any easier by speeding that up.</p>

<p>one quick thing I’d like to clarify – My parents aren’t mean, heartless people or anything like that. They really are very nice, and they love me. It’s just this one subject that gets them.</p>

15

<p>Remember that where you will go to college will depend mostly on you. If you have strong grades and scores and a rigorous curriculum, you will have a good chance of earning merit aid to some good private colleges if that’s the way that you want to go. You also would have increased the chances of admission to generous colleges offering excellent need-based aid – like HPY.</p>

<p>If your parents aren’t willing to pay more than they’d pay for you to attend an in-state public, if you have outstanding stats, ECs, you could probably go to a good private school. However, if you’re fortunate enough to be in a state like Virginia, Michigan, North Carolina, Wisconsin, California or Texas that has one or more outstanding public universities, you may happily go off to your-instate public.</p>

16

<p>*When the moment is right, find out from your dad how much $$$ he’s willing to put toward your college tuition. Is he willing and able to pay whatever the state university would cost? If so, you’ll know how much you’ll need to fund with scholarships, grants and loans.
*</p>

<p>This kind of goes along with my post #10. Once you know how much your parents plan on spending on your schooling, you know what you’ll be dealing with. There’s no point in telling them that their EFC is X, if they can only pay Y. </p>

<p>I’m sure your parents are wonderful; that’s not the point. Parents get “weird” about the college/money issue if they fear that their kids’ choices will be unaffordable. That’s why they’ll say things like, “the local public - where you can live at home and commute - is fine.”</p>

<p>oops - yourselve??? (post 10) What was I typing?? lol</p>

17

<p>"This kind of goes along with my post #10. Once you know how much your parents plan on spending on your schooling, you know what you’ll be dealing with. There’s no point in telling them that their EFC is X, if they can only pay Y. "</p>

<p>The time to find that out is when you’re a junior preparing to apply to college. Your parents probably don’t know right now what they will be able to pay each year for your college.</p>

<p>What you need to do now is to do everything possible to get the grades, scores, ECs, etc. that will allow you eventually to have a decent shot at getting outstanding merit aid and at getting admission to the schools that are most generous with need-based aid.</p>

18

<p>I just had another thought…</p>

<p>Some parents put themselves thru college a couple of decades ago when such a thing was more easily done. Your dad may be thinking, “If my kid goes to the local school and commutes like I did, he can pay for it himself, like I did.” </p>

<p>If that is what your dad is thinking, then at some point (not right now), you’ll have to demonstrate to your dad that the cost of tuition has risen much faster than inflation. The tuition for a local public cannot be as easily earned with a part-time job like it could 20+ years ago.</p>

19

<p>Several posters mentioned talking to your guidance counselor. I agree, however since you are currently in 8th grade, your middle school GC may only be able to provide help in selecting classes for freshman year. You want to make sure that you communicate to your 8th grade GC that you want a challenging schedule next year which will put you on the path to college.</p>

<p>This is looking ahead a little, but when you start high school next fall, make sure to introduce yourself to your high school guidance counselor. Also, try to get involved in one or more activities at the high school. </p>

<p>I think it’s great that you are thinking ahead. There is a lot of good advice here from other posters so I won’t repeat it.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

20

<p>You’re talking to the “perfect” audience: others who share your interest with all things college. However, that doesn’t include your parents. </p>

<p>Things have changed mightily since the time they were thinking college, and you can start by educating them (a little at a time). Do they even understand terms like EFC? How about ECs, FA, GC, and the difference between SAT I, SAT II, and ACT. It can be overwhelming and can turn off many reluctant learners, so don’t overdo it; they simply not be ready.</p>

<p>The important thing you should keep in mind is the difference between the short term (studying for a midterm) and the long term (your transcript, etc.) Your parents may simply have a different timetable than you do. Approach this topic from their point of view, and you’ll find a compromise in there.</p>