<p>Two weeks before the application deadline, my mom just decides to stop with the application process. She thinks that I'm not "smart enough". I have all A's in school, but she's worried about my 79% on my Verbal section of the SSAT. I have a 91% overall. </p>
<p>I've finished writing my essays, and almost done with the teacher rec's, but my mom says she won't bring me to the interview or help me fill out the financial aid forms all because I don't have a 99% SSAT score. What should I do? Is she right saying that I have no chance at a school like Exeter?</p>
<p>First of all, NO. You most certainly still have a chance at a school like Exeter, and your overall SSAT is actually quite good. Just make sure your essays are great, and keep editing and revising. If your mother won’t take you to the interviews, see if a friend or grandparent could possibly take you. As for the financial aid forms, I’m not sure what you can do about that, but I think they’re due a little later than the rest of the application, which will give you a little extra time to convince her.</p>
<p>I would NOT put others in the position where they’re being asked to go behind your parent’s back. She either wants to take you or she doesn’t. The only way to resolve this is by having a conversation with her and addressing all of her concerns, if that’s possible.</p>
<p>You’ve identified one concern: the SSAT Verbal Score. I assume there’s more to her decision than that, so find out about those other issues. Understand that you simply may not be able to overcome them.</p>
<p>As for the verbal score, does she understand that it is a percentile and what that percentile means? In very basic terms it means that nearly 4 out of 5 kids in your shoes did not do as well as you did on the verbal section. And by “kids in your shoes” I am referring to a self-selected group of generally bright students of your gender and at your grade level who hope to attend a private high school next year. That is impressive. Congratulations.</p>
<p>Even if she understands this, she may still be under the impression that it will not be good enough for Exeter. That’s simple. Yes, people with lower verbal scores than that have been admitted to Exeter. Whether it’s good enough for someone “in your shoes” to be admitted is another question. And here, by “in your shoes” I’m referring to a far more specific view of who you are and how you come across on an application form (and, perhaps, in an interview). If you’re an URM, play a sport or have some other “hook” or appeal, it is easier and easier for them to be comfortable with that score. On the other hand, if you’re applying as a day student, have bad or indifferent recommendations, require lots of financial aid (especially without a hook), and don’t stand out in some other way…that verbal score is more of a drag. The point here is that they look at the applications holistically, with no single metric being dispositive of an application one way or the other. That means there’s no way to tell if you’re appealing to them this particular year unless you apply. Of course that also means there’s no way to prove to your mom that this score isn’t a problem for you before you apply.</p>
<p>Be prepared to discover that there are several reasons for your mom’s change of heart. The SSAT score may have been the last straw. Or it may be just a convenient point to raise while she keeps other reasons to herself. She may have excellent reasons for her decision which you simply don’t know about and she may not be discussing. I’m biased but I classify these sorts of things under “P” for “Parental Prerogative.” Sometimes these things sound unfair, but in the long run they are wise and informed choices. If, in the end, you’re unable to sway her from her present position, don’t beat yourself up over the verbal score. In fact, feel proud about it.</p>
<p>However this plays out, all the best to you for your high school years!</p>
<p>i agree with D’yer because even if you do finish the application without your mothers help and you get accepted, she still has the final word on whether you go to bs or not. So if I were you, i’d talk to her and solve the problem now. And keep in mind that shes not trying to make you miserable or “ruin” your life, she just wants your best even if that means you not going to prep school.</p>
<p>That’s tough. I would try to explain to your mother to at least let you finish your application and let what happens happen. Honestly your SSAT score is just fine, and you still most definitely have a chance. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t. Tell your mother there is no harm in trying and that you really don’t want the past months to be a waste. Tell her you guys can discuss it when march rolls around and you even know if the opportunity is still available. You put too much work into it to just back out now.</p>
<p>If you were to be accepted by Exeter, that would mean that the admissions committee believed you were up to the work. The schools don’t accept kids who aren’t “smart enough,” and I don’t think anyone could creditably say that an applicant who scored in the 91st percentile would not be smart enough. </p>
<p>You need to speak with your mother, not us. If she’s worried about the workload, that’s a conversation you must have now. Her reservations about the process are her business, not ours.</p>
<p>I would make one other suggestion . . . ask your mother to come and talk to the parents on the parents’ sub-forum. She might be willing to share concerns with us that she’s not ready to discuss with you. And we might have some of the answers she’s looking for. I understand that she may be hesitant to open up to total strangers, but we’re more than willing to try to help if she comes to us with her concerns.</p>
<p>If she’s worried about the cost of applying, there are ways to get help with that, by the way.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for the advice. I’ll talk to her.</p>
<p>Ditto. </p>
<p>She may be afraid you will be rejected and is trying to spare you the pain. For many parents, it’s to spare themselves the pain. Trust me - we all take it personally when our students aren’t admitted - you should have seen the rage when my college age daughter got a rejection. I was still made even though she had 4 acceptances. But it’s part of the process.</p>
<p>Exeter scores tend to be high - but it’s only one very small part of the total application. Not all bright students do well on standardized exams, and some poor students are coached through expensive prep courses to get top scores then crash and burn when they arrive and have to do the hard work. Schools know that some of the admitted students who have weaker stats often go on to be the school valedictorian. </p>
<p>Exeter will look at your total “package.” So essays, teacher recommendations, rigor of your classes, the mix of students applying that year, all add to the decision on who gets in and who does not. Not the test scores. </p>
<p>So - you won’ know what will happen if you don’t try. Many of us have been through this nail biting process (as students and as parents).</p>
<p>You’ve gotten good advice. Have your mom talk to us. Good luck!</p>
<p>I guess she is afraid of rejection. I spend so much time on my applications only to be waitlisted by Exeter.</p>
<p>If your parents are not on the same page as you don’t bother.</p>
<p>Ahhhh… I see what’s going on here.</p>
<p>You applied to Exeter last year and were wait listed.</p>
<p>You were hoping to give it another try and the scores you got back didn’t seem to improve your profile over what you brought to the table a year ago. I can easily see why she’s focused on the scores. You’re still basically the same person and your SSAT was one variable where you might have made an impact.</p>
<p>The saying goes, “You can never know unless you apply,” but you already applied and you already know. And your scores for this year don’t give anyone reason to think the result will be different this time around. Go ahead and have that talk…but after reading your posts last year and your excitement going in to the decision, I totally appreciate where mom is coming from and why it’s reasonable for her to be focused on the test results.</p>
<p>If I apply again, will it be likely that I receive the same results?</p>
<p>Exeter will see that you are committed to their school and they might like that. Remember, though every admissions cycle is different. One year Student A might get into Deerfield and Groton and the next year Student A might get rejected from Deerfield and get into SPS. It’s not really measurable. Give the application a shot and don’t feel bad if you don’t get in. You might be surprised with your letter on M10. Good Luck !</p>
<p>While swissbrit is correct that the admissions environment is dynamic (from grade-to-grade and cycle-to-cycle), your mom isn’t viewing it with such a sterile view. I think she is most reasonable in taking a cautious, conservative approach. This isn’t a game of dice, where you simply roll the bones and see what happens; it’s her child who she would be putting out there with high hopes (again) of good news from Exeter. That’s a big ante to her. Given last year’s unsatisfactory outcome and no real movement in other metrics since then that you’ll be presenting to Exeter this second time around, I think it’s fair for her to declare that it’s now time to focus on being successful in your current environment. Yes, in theory, things can change…but realistically I don’t think you’re well-served by applying with an expectation that things will be different this time around. Mom knows best.</p>
<p>D’yer Maker - I take exception to your attempts to discourage shrlyhe from applying. I do not find it appropriate for any of us on this forum (student or parent) to attempt to predict a student’s chances for admission to a certain school. Further, in this case, you have made statements regarding shyrlhe’s chances that have no basis in anything she’s posted in this forum. Unless I am misreading her posts, her SSAT scores have improved from last year to this. And, with regard to whatever else shyrlhe is bringing to the table that’s different from last year, we have no information whatsoever! Finally, she was not outright denied last year - she was waitlisted. For all any of us know, perhaps the AOs would be delighted to see her apply again.</p>
<p>As for shyrlhe’s mother’s pessimism about the process, this is nothing new - they went through the same issues last year. For whatever reasons (fear of failure?), shyrlhe’s mother was apprehensive about the process last year and remains so this year. Mom may “know best” about a lot of things, but unless she’s an admissions officer herself, she probably does not know best about this particular process! In trying to protect her daughter from failure, she may also be denying her the chance to succeed.</p>
<p>I think swissbrit’s got it right: things change, and a less than favorable outcome one year does not guarantee a less than favorable outcome another year. I can’t predict how things will turn out for shyrlhe this year . . . but neither can you. The only thing I can be certain of is that if she doesn’t apply, there’s no way she’s going to get in!</p>
<p>I’m not predicting chances. And I’m not discouraging shrlyhe from applying. I encouraged shrlyhe to have a conversation with mom. I’m simply discouraging shrlyhe from thinking that mom’s being unreasonable in her position. </p>
<p>I think it’s more of a problem for people here to suggest that parents have got it wrong. If the mom’s not persuaded by the conversation, shrlyhe should understand that mom’s not wrong for taking the approach she’s taking. It makes sense. Well, some may disagree with it, but it’s certainly a reasonable approach for a parent to take. And if the parents are not on board, this isn’t going to happen. So why sow seeds of bitterness toward a parent?</p>
<p>Also, I don’t think this is framed entirely as a matter of whether you get in or don’t get in. There’s more at stake here than that. There’s the investment of time and money and emotional energy that’s at stake. And the prospect of heartbreak. Plus, at some point in time, a parent wants the child to focus on the present and not have one foot out the door of the kid’s current school. These are things a parent should be weighing. I find it odd to have this boil down to a neat equation in which the only way she’ll know whether she’d get in is if she applies. I disagree with distilling it to that simplistic statement. There’s way more at stake. A parent can be right that it’s just not worth the risk of not getting in to take that crap shoot in the first place. If mom has a change of heart, I’d respect that. I’m not saying it would be wrong for the mom to allow shrlyhe to apply. I’m saying that I respect – and think there’s good reason for shrlyhe to respect – mom’s decision for shrlyhe to not go through with this a second time. And why should we respect that? Because mom knows best.</p>
<p>I think this is a family discussion. We don’t know the reasoning behind the parents’ decision. </p>
<p>I think that a student who has an A average in a public high school may have very, very good college chances. This year, shrlyhe is a freshman. Changing schools will now carry the penalty of a lower class rank when she’s applying to colleges. </p>
<p>Shrlhe’s mother has witnessed her daughter’s freshman year at her public high school. If she feels that the work is sufficiently challenging, and that her daughter will be in good shape for college, who are we to question her judgement?</p>