Hi. I am posting this on the parents thread because I know that the parents on here give good advice.
I am a senior in high school and I am struggling with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder, and I am also in recovery for an eating disorder. My ED was brought on by an unfortunate combination of stress, anxiety, and genetics, and I have been in recovery for about two months.
When I was younger, I always thought that I would go far away to college, but now I am not sure what I should do. I applied to several out of state colleges (most of which don’t offer merit scholarships) so I know I would be paying 25-30k a year to attend based on net price calculators.
I’m not sure that going away to college would be in my best interest health wise right now due to my situation, and the fact that I am very close with my family, and have grown more attached to them during my illnesses.
I recently found out I was accepted to a well-regarded public state school that is about ten minutes away from my home, and I was invited to apply to the honors college there. If I commute, it would cost me about $5000 a year to go there so it is a great deal.
I am just wondering if anyone has any advice about what I should do for college next year, and what would be best for my mental and physical health. For reference, I am in the top 5 of my graduating class, have a 31 ACT score, and have participated in a good mix of extracurriculars.
I would go to the ten minute away school. Do your best, get involved in some clubs, foster good relationships with your professors. Then if things are going well - you can transfer in two years. Or not. Or you could go away for grad school.
Take care of yourself first. There will be plenty of time to spread your wings later.
I agree that the nearer school would be a good idea, so that you have support when you need it. Since it is affordable, maybe you could afford to live on campus so you could have that experience but still be able to go home when you need a break? Look into Honors housing if that is an option, it is often far less chaotic that the “freshman” dorms. Also, look into the mental health support offered on campus; many schools provide this for very low cost and it can help greatly with the adjustment.
If you feel that being closer to home right now is a good idea, then stay closer to home. The decision to live at home is also up to you, assuming that the finances are not an issue. Perhaps a good compromise for you would be to live on campus…you would be close to home…but “away” at college. If needed, you could be home.
But really, you can be just as involved with friends and college life living at home. You live very close.
Being close is also a good idea because your network of support specialists is there too!
Your health and well being are the most important thing. I agree with the others who recommend you stay close to your support network. There will be plenty of opportunity to go further away when you are stronger (ex. maybe by sophomore or junior year you will be ready to do a semester abroad or further away, or you can go to grad school somewhere further away).
Would it be possible for you to live on campus? Then you can start to gain independence/get involved in campus life/make college friends with a close by support system.
Thank you everyone for all of your help! I’m so grateful
@bopper I could live on campus, but it would cost me about 15k more per year and I’m not sure if it’s worth it to take out loans to do that… Any opinions?
The finances make the argument in favor of the local school even more compelling. Going to a big name private (or out-of-state public school is really overrated-- especially when you have to take on mountains of debt to do it. Take care of yourself – everything else will fall into place.
I also advise going to the nearby school. For all the reasons above, plus, if you’re not already in therapy, you can look for a therapist now and get started on that process.
I agree that the local school is a good choice for next fall. If you can afford it with minimal loans and feel strong enough to do so, having a room on campus may be a good stepping stone since you could be home very quickly. You could always move into the dorm later or transfer to a more expensive school later on.
Is there a possibility of more aid from the local college to cover room and board? Is the $15K to live there including the tuition or would the total be $20K? Does your anxiety recede in the summer or on vacation?
Good luck to you! You sound like a great kid and you will get through this with the right support.
10 minutes from home? I’ll bet there are students living in off-campus apartments that live further than 10 minutes away! I think it’s a great idea to live at home with your support network and commute to campus. You’ll still be close enough to be involved in plenty of campus activities, just like the other 'off-campus" students. Definitely apply for the Honors College! Congrats!
You might try living on campus for the first year only. That gives you the maximum opportunity to get involved in college life and make friends. After that, you could live at home to save money, and you would be no farther away than many of the students who move off-campus after starting out in the dorms.
Thank you everyone! You’ve been so kind and it’s been reassuring to hear all of your responses!
@mom2and It would cost me about 20k a year total (to go there and live on campus) vs. 5k a year if I commute. I don’t think it will be possible for me to get more money from the school because they are known for being stingy with financial aid, especially if you are middle class (which I am). My anxiety does seem to be lessened in the summer or on vacation, especially if the weather is nicer… I live in the Northeast so it’s sadly pretty cold here most of the time!
