HEY. I just met you. And this is cray-zay. But here is thy essay. GRADE IT PLEASE

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>It would mean so much for me if you guys graded it! Please give me back some feedback on where I can improve. It took me exactly 25 minutes to finish it so there probably will be tons of typos and whatnot. THanks!</p>

<p>If you copy a link of your essay. I'll grade it as well! Give a little, get a little! :)</p>

<p>Should we pay more attention to people who are older and more experienced than we are?</p>

<p>We should pay more attention to people who are older than we are. It is only natural for younger people to be less experienced to events because they haven't been here long enough to experience and try everything out. For example, books such as Harry Potter feature adult characters who aid the children toward their missions. Another example is shown through humans where older people pass down informations to younger generations. Several examples that demonstrates it can be found in literature and history. </p>

<p>As demonstrated in the fourth book Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, older people give techniques and cheats to younger students for maximum effectiveness. In this book, it features main character, Harry Potter, completing for the Goblet of Fire, which is basically the prize of all prizes. To win this, the contestants are suppose to compete through games that are deadly, violent, and hazardous. For the first challenge, it was to reach for the golden egg under an angry dragon. Without the help of Hagrid, an older and thus wiser friend, Harry would have probably been unprepared and in the end injured. Through the next three games and problems, Harry is always helped by more experienced people. This shows that children should pay more attention to those who are more older, more experienced than us not only to win prizes and gain fame, but also learn creative techniques to reach the holy grail.</p>

<p>Another example where it is imperative to listen to people who are older to us is us. History is abounded with examples where native people pass down morals, tips, techniques, etc. For example, Native Americans passed down many plowing and hunting techniques to their future generation. Because of this, younger people won't have to grow up to test and trial each idea and technique. Thus, people will not have to fall for the same mistakes over and over again for maximum effectiveness. It also applies to short oral stories. Many fairy tales feature profound lessons. Themes like don't be greedy or treat others the way you want to be treated help younger people avoid certain behaviors. When I was young, my grandparents would always tell me stories about guys falling for certain tricks from bad guys, which teaches me to not fall for those kind of deceptive traps. Although sometimes the stories may be a bit anachronistic, it is still good for younger people to stay away from bad, duplicate tricks and traps. </p>

<p>Indeed after the analysis of a favorite teenage novel, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and humankind, there are good reasons to pay attention to people who are older or more experience than we are, even if those opinions differ from ours. Older generations posses wise ideas and can one day help us in the future. Harry Potter won the Goblet of Fire in the end. I learned many valuable lessons after multitude of bedtime stories. To not listen to older, wiser people, we might miss out on something very important.</p>

2

<p>I’d give you a 4 out of 6. It’s good overall, but there are some problems. </p>

<p>First, let me address your example choices. Harry Potter is not the literary work I would personally use, but it works okay. I know little about the series, so I can’t really help you with this one. Your example about Native Americans and fairy tales is pretty good, but it is kind of all over the place. Right now you are just generalizing what happened in general for numerous things in “humankind.” Instead, you should stick to one key example and run with it. Since you don’t know a specific story to use, perhaps make up one that happened with your grandfather.</p>

<p>Secondly, your writing flow, in my opinion, is a little stiff. Your transitions make it a little confusing at points. The first sentence in your second body paragraph seems like a fragment to me. Although after a reread I understood what you were saying, the sentence is still poorly written. Additionally, there are some punctuation mistakes in other sentences. You reference several themes in life that books teach children, but you write them as commands so it’s just awkward to read. You can either quote the themes or rephrase them to make the sentence flow better.</p>

<p>Overall, the essay is good. I think you could spend less time on the intro and more time developing thorough, specific examples. Try to fix those sentences with poor structure and improve the flow of the paragraphs. Like you said, you only wrote it in 25 minutes, so you don’t have a lot of time, but that’s how much time you’ll have on the actual test so it’s crucial to try to avoid those mistakes. Good luck and keep practicing.</p>

3

<p>I think you have utilized two non-cliche examples which s a good start. However, I think you should give the introduction a bit more thought because it doesn’t really have a “wowing” factor. Overall, I would give this essay a four, but good ideas… That just need to be projected a little better. :)</p>

4

<p>I’d say it’s a 7-8/12. Some of your sentences don’t flow that well, or contain grammatical errors (e.g. the first sentence of your second paragraph as mentioned, the last sentence of your essay). I also feel like your use of “anachronistic” feels a bit awkward, and forced, as if you threw that word in simply to use a vocab word.</p>

<p>Your ideas are pretty good and unique, but they need to be elaborated on. For example, with the stories your grandfather told you, it would have been beneficial if you summarized one story that he told you, and explained how it prevented you from falling into a trap.</p>

<p>Finally, I feel like your “story” example and your native example should have been made into 2 separate paragraphs because they are two different ideas.</p>

<p>Could you comment on my essay as well? It’s here:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1363513-free-sat-essay-scoring-6.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/1363513-free-sat-essay-scoring-6.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

5

<p>Thanks all! :slight_smile:
I definitely know this was definitely not my best since I took a loooong break from SAT essay writing. While writing, I had mega-brain freeze. :stuck_out_tongue: BUt I appreciate everything you said! Thanks so much :’)
And Orchid, I’ll write my critique here, since I don’t want to confuse with other posts:
I’d give it a 3, just because of how short it is. My teacher said the longer you write, usually the higher the score. Add some more information. :)!</p>