High School Senior with a Brand-New Fear of Failure

<p>I am a senior in high school, and have just finished taking my midterms. I didn't do as on them as I hoped at all. First of all, I haven't gotten into college yet.</p>

<p>My grades throughout high school have been in the A to A- range: suddenly during the first semester of senior year they slipped to the B+ to A range. That's a crazy drop. The classes were hard, but still. I hope it doesn't majorly impact/ruin my college chances. I really hope that.</p>

<p>But I don't know, I just feel hopeless. When I have to do something, like study for a test, or prepare for a competition, I just feel so scared that I won't do as well as I did in the past that I can't concentrate enough to start doing the work. I get so upset and scared that its pointless to try and work, and its just really stupid. </p>

<p>I don't know how I let my grades slip like that, and I'm really worried. I was trying hard, I promise. I just - I don't know. </p>

<p>I'm just so worried about everything now. About my chances for the tough colleges I'm trying to get into. About why I'm feeling like this all of a sudden. About why I'm so different from the other kids in my school who are in these classes. </p>

<p>Most of my friends are not the competitive, ultra-studious kind. And I really, really like that. It's fun. But some of them have also had some serious psychological problems in the past. My mom sometimes tells me to basically "man up" and not talk about feeling sad, or discouraged, and says that I have been negatively influenced by my friend's problems. One of the other competitive students in my school has a parent who is very sick, and she does better, and I just think that if she can do so well, and I am probably just as smart as her, why can't I?</p>

<p>This is ridiculous. I don't know what I'm trying to do. Someone please talk some sense into me.</p>

<p>lol ■■■■■ harder
(my point being that worrying about a drop from A- to A to B+ to A is ridiculous and your post is so over dramatized as to suggest a facetious nature)</p>

<p>I’m sorrybut I’m serious. I’m not trolling</p>

<p>Well, your applications are in and unless your grades suffer a really catastrophic drop (not like what you’ve described), there isn’t anything you can do anymore. </p>

<p>Your are about to enter a world where what you learn and what you know are more important than the marks that someone else gives you. I would suggest that you try to find intrinsic interest and value in your work instead of worrying about slight variations in the evaluations from teachers. There is always going to be someone out there who is smarter than you and/or who gets better grades than you. Really, it’s not the end of the world. Just focus on your own work and what you personally are getting out of it. Then you will be successful.</p>

<p>Your fear is not uncommon and each year of schooling is supposed to be harder…so senior year should be harder than junior year etc. College should be harder than high school. I agree to focus on you and not what other people are doing, do your best as many days as you can, set your own goals and quit dwelling on other people’s goals and pick a college where you fit and feel you can be successful. Competition can be healthy but if it’s draining you, you need to set your own pace.</p>

<p>OP I just remembered your username…you’ve applied to boatloads of colleges and if I remember have one or two acceptances. You should not be worried about your acceptances…everything now is just extra frosting on the cake. Relax. Colleges won’t accept you if they don’t think you can be successful at their college. Enjoy your senior year you won’t have another high school senior year.</p>

<p>First of all, that is not a major drop at all. It sounds as if you are having some anxiety issues, which is certainly understandable at this time. You are awaiting college decisions, which can be a stressful time. </p>

<p>Although it may not be as easy as it sounds, try to get your mind on something else when you start to feel anxious. Maybe even talk a walk or jog. Play a game, watch a comedy, whatever it takes. Worrying (about things outside your control) is simply a waste of time and energy.</p>

<p>Most colleges accept you based on work through Junior year then require you to pass all your classes your senior year. Don’t stress yourself out, have some fun but keep those grades up just because you know and have proven the ability to get good grades.</p>

<p>Be reassured; this is not a drop that would change your admission status after the fact. Waiting to hear is stressful, so what you are feeling is perfectly normal (!!!). You will get in someplace fine and your worries will recede into history.</p>

<p>My kid would have been thrilled to have your record. Don’t worry, you will be ok. Don’t listen to the haters, there is nothing wrong with you that time wont cure</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Success-Carol-Dweck/dp/0345472322/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328199006&sr=8-1[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Success-Carol-Dweck/dp/0345472322/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328199006&sr=8-1&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>You should read this book, Mindset, by Carol Dweck. It was recommended by another CC poster in a past thread and I found it very useful to overcome fear of failure.</p>

<p>What strikes me from your post is that these feelings are not normal for you.</p>

<p>A lot of kids have felt the way you do for years, and it’s normal for them. But you are in a different situation.</p>

<p>I wonder whether you could have an anxiety or anxiety/depression problem that could benefit from medical treatment or counseling. </p>

<p>Nevertheless, it may be a good idea to try the approach your mom suggested first – if this is a passing thing, her ideas may work. </p>

<p>But if you continue to feel the way you do for many weeks, it might be a good idea to talk to your school counselor or family doctor and see what kind of help might be available. If you’re under 18, you may not be able to see the doctor without your parents’ permission, but you don’t need anyone’s permission to talk to your school counselor, and there’s no downside to admitting your difficulties to the counselor since your college recommendations have already been written.</p>

<p>I spend a lot of time with young people as a professor and I agree with the previous poster that if the anxiety you are experiencing persists for more than 2-3 weeks, I would ask your parents to connect you up with someone who does cognitive therapy. There are different kinds of counseling and cognitive therapy is a kind that has an excellent track record with mild to moderate anxiety issues. When you look in the yellow pages, look for “cognitive therapy” or when you call a counseling center, ask if one of the counselors is trained in that. Cognitive therapists help you develop coping skills that enable you to reframe your situation. In our highly competitive academic world many high school seniors or college freshman can strongly benefit from a round of cognitive therapy. One of my students currently who is an A student went through a period of feeling absolutely paralyzed about her studies her freshman year. She started seeing someone who does cognitive therapy and is back in gear and excelling. Cognitive therapists give you “homework:” thought exercises that help you reframe your issues and take back control of your life. The turn around can start with a few sessions but may take several months. However, the results can be long lasting because as you use the skills you have developed with the therapist they are integrated into your every day getting around in the world. They stick. The track record on medications for anxiety is very problematic–especially for young people with still developing brains. Reputable cognitive therapists will recommend that only as a last resort and only after giving the cognitive effort a full-out try. If your parents don’t have psych. counseling covered on their insurance, look for a cognitive therapist at a counseling center in your community that serves persons on a sliding-scale of income. Also, once you get to college, the counseling on campus will be free. Counseling centers on campuses tend to have a strong representation of cognitive therapists. Good luck!</p>