Oh I didn’t see the additional 9 complaints. What were those complaints about? Hard to comment here because we really only have one side of the story and no real facts.
@PetraMC - I’m sorry if it sounds like I was minimizing it - I did not mean to. I completely agree unwelcome touch can be traumatizing. I just saw them labeling the boy as a rapist and that seems like such an unnecessary escalation.
Frankly, something caused those girls to be creeped out. To me, that’s the first order of business, the life lesson. I wouldn’t want my kids unaware of their effect and how others react to them. The specific complaints may be only one aspect.
“friendly playing around with them like grabbing their arms or hands.” Well, technically, thanks to Title IX, any unwanted touching is inappropriate. It isn’t limited to genitals. Most adult women know what feels invasive- and from whom it does. Most hs and middle school girls , too.
There are two separate aspects here, don’t confuse them. What he did. And the exacerbated social situation and threats.
Imo, he should apologize via the GC or director, in writing or personally, their call, them present. Even if just for grabbing their arms or hands. Again, a life lesson.
I doubt that, if he minds his behavior from now on, settles in socially, is then seen as a valuable member if the school community, that this will haunt him in apllications. The goal though, is this change.
Best wishes.
Was he in a dancing school before ? Or is he in an Arts charter now?
Fact is, being a dancer does affect the way he behaves around girls - his training means pirouetting and lifting girls, daily. Touching girls’ arms is literally what he does several hours a day. Being a dancer means he’s been trained to desexualize girls’ bodies.
But if the girls aren’t used to male dancers, aren’t dancers, or are used to rougher boys with less benign intentions, the boy’s behavior could be interpreted very differently than what he intended.
But no matter what, he needs to understand that he cannot touch girls outside of the dance studio or the stage. Horsing around with girls is off limits totally. And horsing around will not get him a boyfriend (friendly too, he should invite one to dance ballroom dancing and/or learn the guitar.)
It may be too late to salvage this situation socially and returning to the public school sounds like a good option. I would be concerned about how this school is being run. If the 12 complaints of harassment are true, where were the teachers when all this was going on? If they aren’t true, then there is a group of mean girls ganging up on a new boy in a nontraditional activity. Either way I would want out.
As a parent, my own first reaction wouldn’t be to shoot the messenger or blame the school. I know they could have issued some warning or informed the parents. But they presumably reacted per their own perceptions and policies. And we know that how parents initially approach a situation has a large impact on how much the school explains or what observations of their own they reveal.
Many schools have security cameras in common areas and hallways. Some even have cameras outside on school grounds. Look into that angle as well if you really believe your S did not act inappropriately here. That could help shed some light on the nature of what actually transpired.
*mistake in my last paragraph … was thinking horsing around won’t convince the girls he should be their boyfriend or he won’t find a girlfriend by horsing around with girls but the two sentences got mixed. Sorry for any confusion.
Any allegation of sexual misconduct should be reported to parents immediately. Serious investigation of all charges, findings, and consequences should be explained to affected parents in person, imho.i
Post #43, as the parent of dancers, my kids have been around male dancers for years, including one who briefly dated a fellow dancer. I can assure you that they (should) learn what is and is not appropriate touching. There is no groping in partnering, and there certainly is no licking. If any of the male dancers we know tried this, they girls would deal with them rather harshly. This incident has nothing to do with the fact that the boy is a dancer but has everything to do with the fact that either no one ever taught him appropriate behavior and respecting boundaries or he chose to ignore them.
@tutumom2001 In defense of the boy, his parents say he denies licking or groping so it is feasible that he didn’t think anything of touching a girls arm etc.
While I feel for the OP, I do wonder if maybe her son is not being completely truthful with her. Lots of kids lie or minimize what they did when they realize that they are getting in trouble. Its very common. I have to think that something like that is going on here. There seems to be too much happening. Why would all these girls that were just joking around with him decide to turn on him? I think there is more to the story than OP knows.
Get a lawyer to negotiate with the school over what will become of the transcript or whatever paper trail is left after this short period of time and return him to his previous school is my vote. None of this is going to get better with time IMO. IMO he should NOT talk to any of these girls.
And my advice is to think very hard before allowing an attorney to contact the school on your behalf. Once the girls’ parents get wind of that move (and they will) they will perceive it as an attempt to strong arm some sort of concession or a flat out denial of what their D’s alleged to have transpired. They in turn will escalate and there is only one place for them to go to do that – the police station to file a report.
Unnecessary at this point to escalate with an attorney unless you have exhausted all other options.
I have a difficult time believing the nine new complaints, all made at once, weren’t coordinated in some way. Regardless of what’s true or not, you might consider switching schools. It sounds like his reputation is ruined at that school and he might benefit from a fresh start.
Have you thought about transferring to public school, immediately? Especially if the suspension hasn’t yet kicked in yet.
This would allow your son to truthfully answer then Common App question.
Agree with other posters about teaching teenagers about impropriety of touching girls.
Just to point out that there is a big difference between seeking an attorney’s advice, and hiring him to actually take action with/against the school.
Personally, I hate to hear the girl(s) told him No, but he continued because he didn’t take it seriously.
The challenge is that this whole situation did not happen in a vacuum. This is behavior that your son probably previously engaged in, some one told him that it was not cool and how to act appropriately, and he let it go in one ear and out the other
You say that your son is 15 and immature. Welcome to high school where the vast majority of freshmen and sophomores are immature. However, as mentioned upstream they are not getting into the type of situations that your son has gotten into. I am just gonna ask straight out; does your child tend to be socially awkward and on occasion have trouble reading social cues?
Suspensions also don’t happen in a vacuum. While yes, students tell an adult what happened and if the young woman went to the GC or another teacher they must report the incident to the dean or administrator in charge of school safety. All parties involved including witnesses all make written statements and the incendent is placed into some type of OORS (online occurrence reporting system) so that the school has gone on record with the school district that an issue occurred and an investigation is taking place. The school also spoke to your son and got his side of the story. After hearing both sides it was determined that your son violated the school’s disciplinary code, the parent was contacted and told that the child would receive a 5 day principal’s suspension that would be served in school.
Had the school escalated the situation and thought it was serious enough for a superintendent suspension your child would have had to go to a hearing.
Look at it this way, what if it were your daughter and the school did not act on the complaint? You would be screaming at the top of your lungs calling everyone and anyone who would listen and filing a law suit.
As far as the online situation, print out all of the stuff that is being written about your son including the threat and take them to the school. The school is responsible for taking action even though the situation took place outside of school as many school districts have cyber bullying policies.
What I always tell my kids and their parents, when something happens in school, we will handle it in school to the extent that the disciplinary code allows us to. However, you never lose your right as a person. You have every right to file a police report and press charges. Had this happened the police department would have been coming to the school and and possibly arresting your kid
With your calling a lawyer, what is it that you hope to achieve? Your child admitted to you some of the things he hid, that in and of itself was enough to warrant a suspension, for violating the school’s discipline code. You will spend a lot of money on attorneys as the department of ed/school district will vigorously defend the schools position especially because there are multiple complaints against your son for the same infraction.
Consider this a major bullet dodged. If this happened in college, it would be a whole nother situation. Sit with your kid drill into him the concepts of keeping your hands to yourself, respecting the personal space of other and what is sexual harassment. Just because the girl did not react negatively on the outside toward your son, does not mean that she did not feel violated by him.
@toomanyteens “In defense of the boy, his parents say he denies licking or groping so it is feasible that he didn’t think anything of touching a girls arm etc.”
Oh, yes, because teenagers NEVER lie to their parents to get out of trouble.
And the OP could care less that he inappropriate touched the girls, only that her son’s college choices might be affected.
@tutumom2001 I think that is a harsh rush to judgement on your part (that he lied) and of course they lie but we don’t know that is so in this case - you don’t and his parents don’t. Maybe the girls are lying too - teenage girls never lie to their parents oh wait mine do