This is always a possibility, but IMO, at that point it is on her. Sometimes you do have to live with the choices that you make.
But in the end it will be her choice and at least at the regular hs it seems like she already has a core group of friends. That can be huge.
And your older daughter’s feelings about whether she was pushed enough or not do not apply to the younger ones. As parents it would be great if we could find “one ring to rule them all”…but it ain’t happening. Every kid has to be taken individually.
On another note-why rush your life? My daughter had a friend who graduated from hs 2 yrs early. They were in the same classes in hs and also the same youth group. My daughter always said it was awkward because she was not at the same maturity level as everyone else. She ended up going to the same University and then graduated from there early at the ripe old age of 19. Married at 20 and going on to grad school. What the heck is the rush I wondered? I think she missed out on her hs and college experience and suspect it may have been her parents who were the ones pushing her to do this. Probably made for good talking points with their friends.
Well, is it a “slummy high school”?
Two scenarios (skipping the religious school since you’ve already crossed that out it appears).
regular high school–friends, maybe higher grades overall. Hard to tell. Not pushed as much. What is her peer group here? Obviously your wife doesn’t think much of the school. “slummy” is not a recommendation. Really depends on what courses (AP, honors) they offer and teachers. Even the worst schools usually have some great teachers. My D’s English teacher was worth her weight in gold at our local “not necessarily the best” HS.
STEM school–if she loved it to start, what’s the real change? only the work load? If it is the workload, she could get used to it and it’ll be a blessing in disguise. She’ll get better at handling it with encouragement and like I said–college will be easy. I know students (including mine) who eventually excelled after initial false starts in such a setting but they had friends and clubs to tie them also. But if it truly is focused on math and science neither of which she enjoys then it could be a daily torture. don’t know. I probably wouldn’t let her quit before the year was out.
I don’t think there is a rush at all we talked she was excited, she applied was accepted, and now has had a change of heart.
We are just struggling is this typical teen “Uggh so hard I don’t like it :(” or truly legitimate.
Is it a phase or not? Human nature says we don’t like to pushed we like our comfort zone…at east most people do.
I’ve seen kids be coddled and fail, pushed and fail, and kids come from horrible homes go on to do great things. We can only foster a environment for growth with support and love.
The balance is how much is enough when to push when to back off, when to be a friend when to be a parent, etc etc.
Maybe if by the end of the year she still feels the same we will let her transfer.
Why does this even matter?
A girl who has no love for math or science is never going to be a vet, so I’d pay no attention to that purported career choice, which likely reflects a love of animals more than any appreciation of the difficult path to vet school. Besides, she’ll probably change career choices multiple times between now and the time she has to select a major in college.
Would OP’s daughter qualify for all honors or AP classes at the high school? At some schools the more demanding tracks are filled with better students and offer a very different experience from the school as a whole. Perhaps the girl can sit in on a few classes and see if she thinks she’ll be challenged or bored.
Sorry there is not more of a “happy medium” choice for your daughter. It could be that she’d get used to the workload. But more likely it will just get harder in the next years. I agree with checking for AP options at the local hs.
There are AP options just junior and senior year
I agree with the others who say that getting an associates degree in high school is a drawback, not a benefit, as she may be considered as a transfer student rather than a freshman for college. Also, if she doesn’t love STEM, she should not be in a STEM school. I’m afraid that she will start to hate learning if she stays in her present school.
If she hates both math and science and can’t even excel in 9th grade at a STEM high school, how is she going to make it into and through vet school? Last I heard, it was even more competitive to get into vet school than med school, but perhaps someone can speak to this.
“There is a lot of work I will say projects, reports, she does a solid 2-2.5hrs a night and probably 4-5hrs during the weekend. It does seem very much like a college level workload.” My 9th grader in public high school works about this much. But she wouldn’t have to do nearly that much to get B’s.
My suggestion is to see if you can arrange for her to visit the public high school and attend the classes, so she knows what she would be getting into. Then don’t force her to stay in the STEM school if she doesn’t want to. Better to let her make her own choices–it won’t be the end of the world for her to attend a regular public high school and it’s not worth making her miserable. Some of the things you list don’t seem like a big deal anyhow–totally digital? Who cares? Associate’s degree? This could make her ineligible for scholarships, and since it won’t be her terminal degree, again, doesn’t matter. In addition, what would the degree be in? Something she hates? Is any of that really worth three years of misery?
I totally agree with much of what has been said here. I think some of you are trying to dissect a little too much though. She likes the digital piece lol was she most excited about that and the size. She loves that every assignment is done through a portal that she only brings a laptop to school.
We will see how the rest of the year goes and if she still wants to go there is a good chance we will let her.
I was just trying to see what you guys would do. We have 3 schools the religious school that seems more focused on making Pentecostal preachers than well educated young adults. A public high school with 2000 students that is average and is not nationally ranked. Lastly, this elite STEM school that has a 22% acceptance rate, 10-12:1 teacher/student ratio, every class is AP level, nationally raked, and has excellent exiting test scores.
Which would you pick for your child? It’s not the math she hates she will never love math even though she has never gotten lower than a B, it’s not the science she hates either, and she loves the robotics, digital aspect, and the size it’s the WORKLOAD!
She has a project every 2 weeks in every class full PowerPoint presentation in front of the class. She has done 41 so far it’s very rigorous that is what she doesn’t like. So, as another poster said it could be burnout and may cause her to not like school, so again we are listening I was just asking for input 
I was in the situation of choosing between a very good private school and a good, not great, HUGE public high school.
I went to the public school because that’s where I wanted to be. I was able to do a lot of things I wouldn’t have been able to do at the private school and I didn’t hate my life every day like I did in the private middle school I was in (which funneled into the private high school).
I would pick the best fit for my child, and for yours it doesn’t seem like the STEM school.
I just wanted to add, I think a lot of kids consider it uncool to admit how much they study. Have you spoken to parents at the public school to see what is really happening with the honors students? The workload you describe does not seem unusual to me for honor students, and it’s certainly a lot less than would be required to be successful in a good college STEM program. I’m sure there are some who work less but I also know there are some who work more than that. At our middle school, the policy was 1.5 hours homework per night total and I heard a lot of grumbling from parents that their kids were putting in more time than that. I’m wondering if both you and your daughter have unrealistic expectations about what is necessary to succeed in STEM.
She’s already done 41 powerpoint projects and its barely been one semester? That’s more than I remember doing in my entire high school (and possibly middle school) career combined
If the STEM school wasn’t available and the public school was hard and gave lots of homework, would you let her switch to an easier public school or even the parochial school because it was easier and her friends like it more? I think you are the parent, and you need to decide which is the best education for her. I don’t mean you shouldn’t listen to her and meet her needs, but her being with her friends and having fun may not be the controlling factor. I have a child who doesn’t like math either but she still had to take it and she still has to take it in college. Most kids go to the public school they are assigned to, but because parents wanted more, magnets and charters sprung up in areas where the publics weren’t really serving the needs of some students. It sounds like that’s the case for your child. The public school wasn’t/wouldn’t serve her academic needs.
Some high schools really aren’t the best at motivating kids to achieve. You found a better school for your child(ren). I know a lot of people who have moved to a better school district, entered lotteries, stood in line in the snow for that one last spot at the charter or magnet school.
Try talking to other STEM students/parent. Maybe you can get a feeling for whether the workload gets worse.
Per the 41 powerpoint projects, perhaps that’s just the way homework gets done in some STEM schools. Does she dislike the prep? the presenting (which should get easier over time)? or both?
Somehow I missed your post #30. With respect to the 41 powerpoint presentations, have you considered that maybe she could and will get more efficient at these projects? Maybe it would help for you to sit with her while she does one of these powerpoints and see whether you can suggest any way to get them done more quickly.
You say all her classes are AP level? Really? In 9th grade? And yet she is only doing 2-2.5 hours homework a night? I think that is a pretty minimal workload for an all-AP schedule. It is less than my daughter had to work on a largely AP schedule.
I like the idea of visiting the public high school. I would also suggest that you have a private conference with one or two of her teachers to get their viewpoint on how she is doing. Sometimes the reality at home is not the reality of the schoolday.
Finally, does it bother anyone else that these kids aren’t interested in any extracurriculars, just school? I get it that she doesn’t want to do sports or music, but your conclusion is that all she wants to do is academics. That just sounds so lonely and sad to me. If she wants to be a vet, see if she can get a job or internship next summer at a local animal shelter. Does she have a pet of her own? If not, consider it. Pets do require a lot of work but they give unconditional love for our teens. Or maybe she just needs to try something entirely new and random–learn to kayak, build sets for a local theatre, join a non-competitive swim club, take a cooking class for teens. Just a thought.
Picapole, not every kid wants to be involved in ECs. In fact, I’d venture that the average (not CC, but average) student is involved in very little to no ECs (unless community service hours are required or something).
Every kid NEEDS to be involved in some activity that is not traditional school subjects. Music, art, kickball. Every child needs to experiment with different activities. No one can study for 12 hours a day, watch tv for 3-4, and sleep for the rest. I don’t think the ECs need to lead to scholarships or special skills or awards, but kids need to do something.