My children did far more than that at their regular public high school. That being said, 41 PowerPoints so far is insane. Is all her homework PowerPoints?
No one in my highly educated extended family went to a nationally ranked high school. I doubt that the majority of students in the “top” colleges went to nationally ranked high schools. That wouldn’t make a difference to me. I’d be inclined to move her to the regular high school. However, if you truly think that her misery is a phase, you could make her stick it out for the rest of the year, then move her if she’s still unhappy.
@ScaredDad ,
Hugs to you and your D.
I’ve read some, but not all intervening posts, so I apologize if this is a repeat of what others have said.
Seems to me like you have a rigorous STEM magnet public, a below average slummy public, and a poorly reviewed religious private for your D to choose from for soph to sr year. It would be best if you could really try to determine the REAL issue for the misery, which might be hard if she is not super self reflective. This is what I would be thinking about:
Amount of study time: 2.5 hrs per night for a rigorous HS is normal. It will probably increase to 3- 6 hrs at Jr year. This is not unusual for a rigorous HS.
STEM magnet: the difficulty about attending any magnet/specialized HS is that the kids who attend are pretty hard-core interested in the subject matter. This could leave the average kid feeling pretty directionless. If she hates STEM, this would be the number 1 reason to leave this HS. Or she could become comfortable with the fact that she will be surrounded with people who have lopsided interests and know where they are heading when she does not know exactly where she is heading.
Friendships: If hardly any friends went with her to the STEM HS, it will take easily 1 year for her for form friendships where she feels comfortable and where she feels like she belongs. This is completely normal for most kids and seems to be harder for girls than boys. Many kids do not like their first year of college for the same reason. It's better to stay for at least 1 year to see what friendships develop. Maybe you can set up almost like a "play date" or small party at your house for some of the new girls.
Comparing: If her old friends are going to the slummy school, then she will be constantly comparing her study time, social life, etc with their stories. Maybe she should limit contact with them until she makes more friends at her STEM HS.
Insurance: We kept our younger kid at a rigorous HS as insurance to try to reduce the chances that he would get heavily into pot and crazy with the video gaming, which is very commonly used at the public HSs. So something to consider.
Other things to consider: what is her personality like: self starter, motivated, follows the crowd, people pleaser, social, quirky, etc to try to determine where she would thrive the best. A motivated self starter would be able to blaze her own path at a slummy HS. A follow the crowd, people pleaser might get sucked down to a lowest common denominator at a slummy HS. Also, becoming a vet is highly competitive. If she does not like the rigorous STEM workload, then she needs to be more realistic about her future path. The slummy HS might show her more potential options in some of the humanities: history, creative writing, international relations, etc.
I would definitely make her stay thru her entire frosh year to see if #3 can be improved. But if she is not really a STEM kid, and that is the problem, then she could or should transfer after frosh year.
I really empathize with you, @scaredad. One suggestion I have (since I have daughters the same age as your daughter), is that while her dislike of her school is very valid to her, she has nothing concrete to compare it to. Is there a way for her to go to some of the other schools for a week (or even a day), and see what her life would be like at those schools?
It may give her clarity that yes, she needs to be at one of them, or it may be a lightbulb moment that hey, my STEM school is not so bad. If she’s able to continue pursuing her English interests while at the STEM school, while developing the intellectual rigor and critical thinking skills associated with the school, it would not be such a bad thing.
Either way, she’ll have a more informed idea about where she needs to be-either she’ll switch and be happy because it’s a better fit, or she’ll stay and be happier knowing that her stem school really is the best option for her.
Our older son is a junior in a math/science magnet program. It was completely his choice to go. Everything was fine the first year, but sophomore year his grades slipped badly. We met with his counselor and the head of the program, thinking they might recommend he drop out. The director asked our son if he’d do better if he took easier classes, and the reply was “probably not.” He decided to keep taking magnet classes (most of which he’s done well in) but not do the senior research project. We would have been fine with him leaving the magnet program (it’s at our home school), but there were classes he wanted to take that would have not be available to him if he had left the program. Son number 2 is in another competitive program (communication arts) and seems happy a little more than halfway through Freshman year. However, we’ve told him he can leave at any point if he’s not happy (and students drop out of this program all the way into their senior years). I wouldn’t judge a parent for insisting their kid stick it out for a year, but I remember what it was like really disliking school and don’t want that to happen to my kids.
A 3.0 no matter what high school will prevent her from going to a top tier college, period. If your kid does not like the school, is not trying hard to get excellent grades, why keep her there?
I think this is a wonderful opportunity! Imagine graduating with an associate degree. I totally agree with YoHo, but I will add that carrots work wonders. To keep my kids positive about school work, piano, tutoring, etc, I pass along the occasional $20 bill or “don’t worry about the dishes” or “how about taking friends to the movie?” “since you work so hard” or"did so well". Lots of positive, public recognition helps.
I’m confused about the associate’s degree (and I agree with other posters that there is no advantage in graduating from HS with an AA, and probably some disadvantages). Presumably this means that the kids take the equivalent of 2 years of college-level courses during HS? Maybe this includes a few AP courses, but most of them must be actual college courses. How is this possible?