<p>So it's been about a little more than a week since I've been on campus, and I still have bouts of homesickness. Although it's getting better, I still miss my dad like heck and can't wait for next May to come so I can move out. It might be immature, and I'm hoping it'll get better, but it's the way I feel right now. </p>
<p>Anyways, that might be the reason for my next problem. I feel like the friends that I've made on campus aren't the "lifelong friends" that people make on campus. It's still early on, but it seems like everyone is already making lifelong friends. I feel guilty for not getting the full college experience. </p>
<p>Is it normal to make "lifelong friends" this early on, or am I an outsider?</p>
<p>You don’t make “lifelong friends” in a couple of weeks. You make friends you might eat with, play cards with, go out to a movie with, be in a study group with, work on the same projects in a club on campus with. The people around you probably haven’t made lifelong friends, they have just met people to do those things with. If they room with some of those people next year, or regularly get together with them even if they don’t live in the same area of campus… next year you might tag a few of them as possible “lifelong friends”. IMHO, true lifelong friends are few and far between. And you don’t really know if they are lifelong friends until you have had them for a couple of years! I think some people really cling to the first friends they make on campus and ACT like they are lifelong friends when they will find out later that they aren’t. It is partly a fear and bravado thing to make it seem like they are popular. So don’t feel like you are behind or left out, you are not.</p>
<p>So of course your bonds with a bunch of college students you just met are much thinner than those with your dad – sounds like you miss him a lot. But it also sounds like your homesickness is getting better. Keep busy on campus – obviously your classes will help, but join a couple of clubs or group you are interested in (intramural sports, school paper, volunteer organization, unicycle club – whatever). You can keep busy with a part time job, too (and meet people there). I know one of my kids struggled with too much free time on campus her first year (super busy kid in high school). But she filled that time up by second semester. You will, too.</p>
<p>What you are feeling is completely normal, don’t worry. It is normal to be homesick now, and it is normal to think everyone else is settling in better than you. They aren’t. And they aren’t making lifelong friends, not just yet.</p>
<p>Even when you start to make good friends these first few weeks, know that who you hang with will change.</p>
<p>Friendships come from shared experiences. I liked intparent’s advice. Enjoy the journey and the friendships will follow. It’s normal to be homesick - don’t worry.</p>
<p>Perfectly normal. My older d who graduated in 2007 did not meet one of her closest friends from college until her second semester junior year. My younger d who graduated in 2010 has many friends now from her college that were only casual acquaintances while in school.
You will meet many people in classes and activities and in your dorm or in a sport or in a frat or sorority but it takes while to make lifelong friends.
I have lifelong friends from college that both lived on my floor freshman year but were neither were the friends that I spent the most time with freshman year.</p>
<p>I did meet my best lifelong friends right away on my dorm floor in college, but I didn’t even really know that til later. It’s so early on; enjoy the people you meet, be open, meet their friends, etc etc. You will build your village.</p>
<p>A week is not very long. I work in an elementary school, and even there, we feel like it takes until Christmas for kids to get settled in, make friends, get used to the routine.</p>
<p>I kind of worried about my son (now a junior) until about Christmas of his freshman year. There’s so much new stuff for you kids at college, you have to give it time to all come together. New environment, new classes, new living arrangements, ect. </p>
<p>It’s normal to be homesick but hang in there and give yourself time to adjust. Best wishes to you.</p>
<p>A wise friend once told me, “Don’t compare your insides to everyone else’s outsides.” :)</p>
<p>That is what you are doing right now. Just try to relax, keep an open mind, engage with people and your classes, and things will fall into place.</p>
<p>Hey, I was a freshman last year and had a lot of the same feelings. It’s very normal to be homesick, and I’m sure many other freshman (and even sophomores, juniors, seniors, or grad students) are feeling that as well. I agree with what intparent said, and also it takes longer for the feeling to go away (for me it wasn’t until spring semester that I actually felt better). And trust me, a lot of the people that you think have made lifelong friends haven’t, it’s usual to just group with some people you meet at first and then the friendship either gets stronger or weaker as time goes by. I don’t really hang out with some of the people that I met during new student orientation, where we used to eat together, etc. It just happens as later on you’ll find people more similar with your interests, etc. I met some of today’s close friends playing basketball, poker in the hall, or just going to later events together, since most of us lived close by. Don’t be worried of you haven’t seen anyone that’ll look like you’ll be really close with yet. </p>
<p>Also, if you really miss your dad a lot, could you call him? Not too often, by like maybe once a day at around a set time, and you could Skype once a week? It’ll just get better with time, don’t worry. How close is home for you? I can’t go home on short breaks since it’s a flight. I still sometimes miss home, and I’m even a sophomore already haha.</p>
<p>Yes, some of those friends will be life long ones…you just don’t know which ones yet!</p>
<p>Keep doing things with people you know…their friends will become your friends too. Go to all orientations/mixers/parties you can. Try out some clubs. You will find some people you identify with.</p>
<p>I would suggest, as hard as it is, to limit contact with your dad to once a week. You need to start letting go of him and start making bonds with new people.</p>
<p>I actually disagree with this ^ dad contact advice. One of my kids called me every day from college, and she didn’t have trouble making friends. A five minute conversation while walking to/from class or a short text exchange doesn’t hurt a thing. You can have bonds with your family and still develop bonds with new people at school.</p>
<p>But did your kid want to come home as soon as they could? If your child has no problem making new friends, then yes, call all you want. If they are having issues trying to build a support system then they may need to let go of the other one a bit.</p>
<p>My kid was five states away… no option to come home until Thanksgiving. And the OP will find a group by the time May comes. They have been on campus for a week, for crying out loud. And 5-10 minutes per day communicating with their home base isn’t going to make or break their college experience. If it makes the OP feel better, safer, more secure, so what? I see no connection between building a new support system in the other 23:50 hours per day and having 10 minutes of communication with home every day if the OP wants to. Sometimes suffering is required to achieve something, but I see no connection between cutting a student off from their family and making new friends at college. I am not suggesting he/she Skype all evening or sit in their dorm room waiting for a call.</p>
<p>“full college experience”, “life-long friends”, “I can’t believe it’s not butter” … do you still believe in marketing slogans? (BTW, I do have life-long friends from my college days).</p>
<p>This has nothing to do with maturity. Some people get homesick. Some don’t. Some people have experience being away from home for long stretches of time–for summer camp or a summer academic experience, for boarding school, etc. Some don’t. </p>
<p>And…some people have homes they are GLAD to get away from. </p>
<p>OP, give yourself time. One of my kid’s suitemates cried almost every day until almost Thanksgiving. Then suddenly, life clicked and she was happy.She ended up marrying one of her classmates…so here’s hoping he’s a “life long” friend ! </p>
<p>If you are at all religious, try going to campus services. (Be wary of cults, though!) The chaplains are usually good at helping freshmen adjust. Go early to class and force yourself to say hello to someone near you. Talk about class–“Did you like that X reading?” Go to the gym or pool and get some exercise. </p>
<p>Go to office hours. Don’t talk about your social problems–talk about class. However, just talking to someone about something substantive can help you feel less “alone.” </p>
<p>I met my lifelong friends during my sophomore year - well, the two lifelong friends that I met during freshman year were people I sometimes chatted with for a while, who eventually became lifelong friends.</p>