<p>Hmom5, I see you have used the word “most”. I think sometimes is a better word than most. </p>
<p>But if parents believe that what you said is true…then that is another reason why parents are so involved in the process.</p>
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<p>It’s definitely something else for me. When our kids were small, we relocated to a small, somewhat remote town for my career. It was a great career move for me and the small town became our home, but as my wife and I became aware that our kids had a good deal of aptitude and were developing some significant abilities, we worried that we may have short-changed them by choosing to raise them in a setting with limited intellectual resources. We did everything we could to provide them additional enrichment opportunities and to make it possible for them to pursue their passions, but they never had a lot of friends who shared their interests or their intellectual curiosity. I urged them to not give up their passions, promising them that when they got to college they’d have lots of friends who would think that their work ethic and artistic interests made them cool instead of weird.</p>
<p>So maybe I had more emotionally invested in the outcomes of their college apps than they did. When the two who are now in college both got into their top choice school, I suppose it gave me a sense of vindication that despite any limitations in their upbringing, they wound up where they should be, with peers who are inspirations as well as friends.</p>
<p>I’m “concerned” about everything my family does. DH and I are both college grads with postgrad experiences, so it’s just part of what we do. Watching DD go through it is fun and exciting.</p>
<p>Going to college is a big decision- financial, emotional and logistical. DD isn’t applying to the ivies, mostly LACs that not everyone has heard of…so, “bragging rights”? Not so much. I want to see her settled in a place that will match (and stretch) her abilities, make her feel comfortable and at home, and allow her to stretch her wings. I love CC because I don’t have to have these endlesss, boring conversations with my friends IRL.</p>
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<p>Because I want him to be at a place where he is happy and that will prepare him for a good life and a good career.</p>
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<p>Yep.</p>
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<p>My son was accepted to an awesome famous school. This school is not his first choice. Moreover, it is not our first choice for him because we think another school, that far fewer people have heard of, will suit him better. Admittedly, I would love to be able to say, “my son goes to X”. But I would love even more to be able to say, “my son goes to Y, his first choice, and he is very happy and learning lots”. And more than that, I would like, in 10 years, for him to say, “I’m sure glad I graduated from my alma mater, and thank you for your support in where I am today,” but that’s probably a pipe-dream! :)</p>
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<p>I would rather he attend the school that suits him academically, socially, and emotionally. If things go as planned, he will have a good job, but probably never become rich. </p>
<p>Good luck with your school choice; I hope the same things for you that I do for my son. And I think /hope your parents do as well.</p>
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<p>No lie, if my kid got into Harvard and Dartmouth I would tell them that if they choose Dartmouth I wasn’t paying for it.</p>
<p>As an aside, speaking as a kid whose parents did not help him at all in the college admissions process (except for paying for application fees) I would have preferred if my parents took an active role in my applications. What sucks is the flip side where your parents really don’t care and are even reluctant to give you the money to apply to colleges :P</p>
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<p>I just HAVE to bring attention to the fact that hmom, probably one of the most intelligent and successful parents on CC, used the word lame. Linguistic devolution for the win :)</p>
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<p>That’s ridiculous.</p>
<p>We have been very hopeful and supportive of our kids attending prestige colleges because we honestly feel that our own careers would have gotten a leg up from having that sort of pedigree. We are hopeful our kids can have professional success - as we have - but with less brutal work along the way. The pedigree is no guarantee of anything but it can open doors at the start of a career. Also, it can signal a certain high level of intellectual prowess that one otherwise has to keep demonstrating from the ground up for many years until the resume obtains a certain critical mass. We really do believe the academic pedigree is a big help in life - whatever your goals. And so we have been supportive of our kids in pursuing it.</p>
<p>And also we are just the kind of crazy parents who line-up to spend every last cent on their kids’ futures. That’s our biggest source of meaning in life. You don’t choose to be this way, you just can’t help it.</p>
<p>Finally - Bragging rights? You kidding? Where we live it’s looked down upon.</p>
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<p>Actually, we allude to those 3 window decals on the back of our two old cars whenever someone in our social circle asks if we will join them for a very expensive dinner at a restaurant or come vacation with them at some fancy, far-away destination. </p>
<p>More like: begging-off rights. It’s a sacrifice, made willingly.</p>
<p>I’ve been involved in both son’s college admissions process because, in a way, I am paying back my mother for the sacrifices she made to send me to a really good school that changed my life. </p>
<p>Thanks to that school, I am in a financial position to pay for almost any college they get into. But I am involved because I know that the right fit makes the best investment. I was lucky because I had good college counseling in high school. This is not the case for either of my sons. Having seen what good counseling added to the process, I am committed to being there when my kids need me. </p>
<p>And yes, it is truly more difficult and complex than when I went through it - all the more reason to be be involved and guide them.</p>
<p>If I had a chance to do it all over again, this is what I will do.</p>
<p>I would first do a real good EFC estimation. After that, I would give DD/DS a credit card and said:</p>
<p>We could pay this much for your education. Use this card to charge for all the tests and application fees. Ask me for any help you want. Good luck. </p>
<p>I would be free from any stresses and we will have the best relationship.</p>
<p>College admission process is for a kid to find who he is and what does he want, and that his parents could afford.</p>
<p>My children’s college admissions results are important to me because while in high school, neither of the two older ones really found a peer group which suited them well. Both suffered a bit socially because of that, and so one of my goals in the process was for them to have the opportunity to encounter “their people” in college. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t miserable social outcasts and I’m not saying they were smarter or better than the other kids either. But the top students at their high school are primarily focused on math and science, while my children are most passionate about the social sciences. Also, both are highly motivated and hard-working but enjoy having fun too, and couldn’t find kids similar to them. It seemed that the social choice was between the super dedicated students who never went out socially, and the heavy partiers.</p>
<p>My main reason for being here is similar to mom2sons’: I want to pass to my daughter what my parents gave to me, the support and opportunity to open up my world by helping me through a daunting process.</p>
<p>Wow Dad II!</p>
<p>I wonder if the OP would ask the same question of the Board of Directors of a company that was about to make a substantial 4 to 6 year investment (or indebtedness) for a product that could either be successful (=happy kid) or fail miserably in the marketplace (=unhappy kid) ; )</p>
<p>Put more directly to the OP, I am a shareholder in the process and want above all else for my son to follow his dream and find the right fit. How could that process not benefit from the years of experience I’ve accumulated? And in fact, that’s exactly how it’s gone. I gave solid guidance and assistance, and he is happy as a clam in his program, producing fabulous work that is meaningful to him and brings him great pleasure. What he does with it all when he graduates is his gig. The fact that he’s advancing his skills in a program and environment he loves is a gift I’ve contributed to in order to reward him for being awesome and to show my love. I am investing in his future happiness as a human, investing what I can now because there will be a time when I no longer walk the earth to do so.
Open your heart a little and take a look at the love and concern around you – it’s what motivates parents.</p>
<p>And re Harvard or Dartmouth, that would depend on fit. The money follows those who follow their hearts.</p>
<p>I think any good parent would be extremely interested in where their child went to college. So big kudos to all the helicopter parents, because deep down it shows that you all care.</p>
<p>I care because I live in a gang infested area of California. I have lived on three different streets in the last 20 years and every single street someone has been shot. Two years ago when my son was 9 he and I had to run away from a gun fight in our local park. There are gang fights there on a regular basis. I am stuck in a God-foresaken town that is regularly listed as one of the top 20 most violent cities in California and in the top 300 most violent in the U.S. The schools are full of gangs and classes are often disrupted due to gang fights. I want my kids to go to the best college I can get them into so they will never have to see this town again. </p>
<p>Dartmouth or Harvard?? Dartmouth if it pays more. The more they make the further away they can get!!</p>
<p>^^^This may seem rude and too personal, but couldn’t you have just moved. There are several places in California where there are no gun fights or gangs.</p>
<p>You’re not being rude at all, that is a good question.
Twenty years ago this area was touted as being the next Orange County, that is why I moved here. I am a teacher here with tenure and nearing the top of the salary scale. If I move I would have to start at the bottom of the payscale again. I also have two other jobs here. Even with mine and my wife’s income, we cannot afford anywhere else. Believe me I have looked over and over. Even in this bad economy a house in Compton still sells for close to or over $300,000 for 1500 square feet. A house half the size of mine in a nice area is about $500,000.</p>
<p>BTW…Congrats on Yale!!</p>