Hopefully someone will score my essay :)

Test Preparation
1

<p>I don't know, I'd seen other people do it so I guess I'll try now... hopefully someone will take the time to read it. It would be <em>greatly</em> appreciated. </p>

<p>Anyways, it's the second essay in the College Board's Blue Book, prompt is:</p>

<p>"Technology promoises to make our lives easier, freeing up time for leisure pursuits. But the rapid pace of technological innovation and the split second processing capabilities of computers that can work virtually nonstop have made all of us feel rush ed. We have adaopted the relentless pace of the very machines that were supposed to simplify our lives, with the result that, wh ether at work or play, people do not feel like their lives have changed for the better.</p>

<p>-Adapted from Karen Finucan, "Life in the Fast Lane"</p>

<p>Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?"</p>

<p>My response</p>

<hr>

<p>Although technological changes have had many great effects on our lives and our world, the modern age of super technology has had more negative effects than benefits on our quality of life.</p>

<p>Perhaps the most clear-cut example of the cons of techology is the effects it has had on the health of average people. The "miracles" that technology create ultimately let many people get away with little to no physical activity. The United States, arguably the most technologically advanced nation in the world, has the highest rate of obesity, the most heart problems, and the largest amount of cancer per capita of any country in the whole world. Computer and TV screens have been shown to damage the retnas of people's eyes. Radiation from microwaves and from cell phones have been shown to cause cancer. Our ability to use technology to keep people alive longer is irrelevant -- we allow it to destroy our quality of life and our health and then let it keep us from death so we can continue to live in misery.</p>

<p>The next problem is hte "nonstop" pace that Finucan claims is a result of technology. When we are too busy to enjoy our long lives and our sucess, it begs the question whether or not sucess and longer life are actually that important. Technlogy is creating more "workaholics" who make more money and get lots done, but they are unable to enjoy their sucess because they are too busy racing towards achieving more. People in times past worked hard too, but their culture allowed them to enjoy it by doing things such as spending time with their families. This nonstop pace makes very few people genuinely happy.</p>

<p>Finally, although we have made technological advances in communications, the proliferation of computers truly spurs isolationism. Busnessmen can go to work and spend the whole day in an office on a computer. Children's games have shifted from board games and outdoor games to a heavy focus on computer and video games. Students can do all their schoolwork alone in a room with a computer. One can order pizzas on the internet. Computers have become many people's new best friends, an escape for other people, and a detriment to all.</p>

<p>Although nobody in their right mind would denythe benefits of technology, we've taken it a step too far and at a rate too quickly. People should take a serious look at the effects technology has had on their lives.</p>

<hr>

<p>Punctuation/grammatical errors are my fault, but if I made any spelling errors or puncutation errors, those were probably a result of typing too quickly.</p>

<p>Anyways, hopefully someone will be kind enough to tell me what they think (well, hopefully two people, or even more).</p>

<p>THANK YOU.</p>

<p>ok i'm going to finish my test now, bye.</p>

2

<p>You write like you're taking an AP Lit class. However, the SAT writing is different. Your thesis is great, but you need a full intro and conclusion to get all 6 points. In fact, most graders read your introduction and conlsuion and then just scan through your examples, so your intro and conclusion are VERY important. So, nerf the last body paragraph (way too similar to second) and concentrate more on writing intro/conclusion. Also, SAT graders like to see "unique" examples. Everyone is going to right about computers and cell phones, so graders will become bored with the topic and give you an average score. I've seen people who posted well-written essays but used mediocre topics-most got 4-5s.</p>

<p>Overally, I'd give you a 4-5, but if you expand intro/conclusion, I'd easily give you a 6. Well-written and intellectual.</p>

<p>I got a 12 on my essay when I took it.</p>

3

<p>I have a question that I had caused an argument with a teacher that teaches my SAT class. We did this essay and class and I used the example of fast food being easier to obtain food but does not make our lives better becuause of the negative health effects. He wrote next to that paragraph that it was a poor example because it has nothing to do with technology but the actual essay question is not asking specifically for examples to do with technology is it? The question simply asks do changes that make our lives easier neccesarily make them better. I am in the right or the wrong here.</p>

4

<p>I think the quote in the essay prompt is supposed to "narrow" the topic down and the quote talks about technology and not general advancements in culture. However, I wouldn't say you were wrong using that example, but it could be risky depending on the grader.</p>

5

<p>So the usual quote before the question is not there to serve as a guide to something you may want to write on but instead as something to narrow down what you should write about when reading the question?</p>

6

<p>Hi all, I’ve just written an essay on this assignment. Please read and give me recommendation, and grade (if possible). I timed myself.</p>

<hr>

<p>Many blame technological innovations for worsening their life because they believe that these gadgets force people to live and work faster. Actually, the machines do not rush people, people themselves want to work more to earn more. Changes in technology, peace condition, and concepts make lives better.</p>

<p>Firstly, no one can deny that technology brings about big changes to human society, most of which are positive. Started from the inventions of steam engines and electricity, the Industrial Revolution in 18th and 19th century was the source of thousands of technological alteration. One great invention from this revolution is the light bulb. Thomas Edison invented the first light bulb and lighted up the future of mankind. Without this invention, the world today would suffer darkness in twelve hours per day, no shopping mall or restaurant would run their business during night time, and certain machines such as fridge, computer would not work in the way they do now. Therefore, human beings have benefited from technological innovations.</p>

<p>Besides technology improvement, the global peace condition is also upgraded and enhances people’s life. Since the end of the World War 2 in 1945, for example, the global economy has been developing in the fastest rate ever. Because the military budget is cut, more money is used to eradicate poverty and hunger. In addition, the health level is increased, people have longer life span. Hence, peace nurtures a better life for human.</p>

<p>Not only technology and peace, but also people’s concepts have been changing in positive ways. For instance, gender equality has raised the woman voice. Remembering that in the nineteenth century, women had no right to work and vote, no one could imagine that someday, women would be the leader of men. But now, people’s thinking has changed, it believes in impartiality and returns women their rights. As you can see, president of the Philippines, Ms. Macapagal-Arroyal is a lady, who dared to raise her voice in political matters and was supported by both genders. This fact proves that changes in concepts make the world a better place to live in.</p>

<p>In brief, people’s lives are improved due to changes. Alterations in technology, peace condition, and people’s concepts make our lives easier and better. It is fortunate that things have been changing, what a terrible place if there were no change taking place at all?</p>

<hr>

<p>Thank you!</p>

7

<p>I give Afoe a 5.5</p>