Hopeless, bleak future

<p>I am now 23 years old, going into 6th year in a public college. I've been a hardcore game addict (playing 10 hours per day on weekends) from grade 6 to grade 11 and intermittently from grade 12 to 2010. Now I have consciously stopped playing it completely because my obligations seem to go out of the window if I am into games, though I still feel an impulse to play it. Now I am paying for all those years spent foolishly.</p>

<p>I barely got into college with a mediocre 86% average with one AP course. Now I am paying dearly for all those valuable years lost to gaming: I am at a great disadvantage compared to people who underwent normal/close-to-ideal development periods, in things like emotional maturity, social/people skills, verbal/reading/writing abilities, level of understanding of common sense knowledge in economics, politics, etc. I feel very regretful and depressed when I think about what I could/would have become or be like had I used my teenager years on self-development instead of on gaming. I have been a normal, intelligent, well-respected student until grade 6 when I got into gaming through befriending a fellow game addict whom I regret associating with. My emotional and intellectual developments have seriously been arrested due to gaming and the price I am paying now is just painful.</p>

<p>I also wasted my first three years of college, which I also attribute to be the result of the damage from game addiction, and I feel that I would've been better off if I didn't go straight to college after high school but rather did something else like work/exploration, etc. The only thing I achieved by going to college was wasting my time and effort and also get myself in loan debt for worthless college education (I agree that what you get out of college education what you put into it, but I obviously didn't make wise use of it so the education I got was worthless).</p>

<p>I think my game addiction had more to do with my attempt to escape from or forget about the reality than simply liking playing too much, though I don't deny that I enjoyed the games as well. I feel that my deeper issues, mainly homosexuality, were what drove me to constantly try to escape from the world by means of gaming.</p>

<p>I would like to ask for guidance on how I can make up for those lost years of development, if this is possible at all, or at least any remedial measures I can take to help me become the intelligent/educated person I am meant to be. If I look at grade 6 to 10 school materials, I feel I have things to gain/learn from them and I feel this is a serious and rather shamefully embarrassing problem. I am thinking of taking a year off from college to self-study and make up for all the grade 6 to 10 curriculums that I didn't get to learn in the first place (specifically the subjects in English and Social studies because I have been good at sciences) but then this doesn't seem realistic because what kind of college student takes time off to do something like this!? I am also hoping to go into medicine, but med schools have a very high expectations with respect to maturity and intelligence, both of which I feel I am lacking greatly right now for my age. I feel very hopeless about my current situation and future, feeling like a failure at life. Also, this message is disorganized and I apologize for that and I commend you for bearing with my scattered message.</p>

<p>Your writing is good and your intelligence is clearly high. There’s no way to make up for the years lost to gaming, any more than I can make up for the years of beauty lost to overeating, but all we can do is go on from here. I don’t know anything about med school admissions, but even if you can’t go there, there are many careers available to an intelligent person like you. </p>

<p>I don’t see any point in re-studying middle and high school subjects. We all learn lots there that we forget because it isn’t needed in our lives. Life-long learning is always an option. Have you failed out of college, or are you just going slowly with average grades?</p>

<p>As long as you have come to realize the losses, there is a way to restart. I was like you, ****ed off my golden years in the HS by addicted to Stamp Collecting. Until today, my relatives are still asking me whether I am still in stamps. Back in my home country, everyone that could not get into college at age of 20 was drafted to become PFC in the armed forces, I was among those HS graduates who were drafted. After two years in Armed Services, I grew up, I was 22 before got into a college in the USA. I worked twice hard in a third rated school to finish my 4 years college degree. Then I worked in many large corporations to become a contributer in the society. I just paid all cash for my 3000sft home in the SF Bay area and my DD is going to a private college I pay full frieght, cannot say it is a signigicant achievement. but at least I am not a bad inference.</p>

<p>There is always a way to restart your life. If you don’t have good grades, re-start with community college and try to get all As in another concentration. If you are not acadamically inclined, go to vocational school, learn a trade. Be a contrubutor in a society.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>You don’t say what you studied in college, but since you are interested in medicine, I would suggest working in a medical setting at whatever job you are qualified for and sorting out a short term, achievable goal of bettering your employment possibilities from there.</p>

<p>You can’t repeat the past but you can move on with your life; it seems to me that you will feel more “alive” if you are working and interacting with people, not living the student lifestyle and planning your life. I don’t think its 8th grade math that you’re missing, I suspect that it is more a sense of living in the present and connecting to the real world. Work seems to be to be a better remedy for that than a prolonged adolescence of studenthood with the implication that life begins at graduation.</p>

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What makes me really curious (in a bad way) is how some people unfortunately waste many years and others manage to use those times well, either due to the good fortune of having some mentor(s) or due to simply being innately clear-headed and disciplined. It’s a mystery to me, and kind of unfair. </p>

<p>

I am not failing, but I am not doing great either. I am in biochemistry. For my first two years, I ended up with a 3.1. Then I managed to bring it up to a 3.68 after my third, fourth and fifth year. But this is far from what is good for med school. And the courses I got a 3.1 in are mostly med school prereq’s so I am at a disadvantage. The ridiculous thing is that if I had taken those same prereq’s with the mindset I have right now, I would’ve easily aced or obtained at least A-'s on them.
Last fall 2010, I withdrew from all five courses and then I’ve been taking a break from school since then. Now I’m on the brink of either returning to school this upcoming September or extending my hiatus until August 2012 to work on my problems.</p>

<p>If you learned your lesson and are ready to move on with your life, it will be well worth it. I wasted a semester or two doing ‘research’ in grad school, mostly trying to maintain my university high scores in Pacman, Ms. Pacman, rogue, and nethack. I’m sure if I had an Xbox 360 I’d still be there. Some of my hardcore gamer friends were there before I came, and graduated after I left. They’re professionals now, hardcore gamers, and hardcore coders. </p>

<p>I did not do this as part of a more deeply engrained social issue - that was just me. While I was not quite Roger Daltrey (Pinball Wizard - Tommy - The Who) no day was complete without an hour of pinball and a lunch of pizza across from the computer center (a quarter would easily last me an hour, I was that good). </p>

<p>Was it worth it? I don’t know. I don’t see it as time wasted. After all the stress of graduating while First National Bank of Dad bankrolled me at international student cost I felt I could take a gap year while researching pressing computer science issues, and enjoying life. I did some fun research and to this day remain an avid and very good gamer. My daughters are also good gamers (imagine that). </p>

<p>Learn from your experiences and move forward. Take a few classes if you feel the need to polish skills (despite 14 years of STEM college I rank English and Social Sciences as my favorite subjects) and go for grad school. If finances are not a big issue you could be leaving everything behind you.</p>

<p>Should I feel bad that after a very rigorous math curriculum in my home country and said 14 years of STEM I can’t do algebra to save my life? no. That’s what we have C++ for :-)</p>

<p>Regarding medical school, that is tougher. Is medicine an end to all ends, or would you be just as happy in a life sciences advanced/grad school type environment (Biostatistics, medical informatics, et al)</p>

<p>

Some people play slot machines for a couple of hours every year or so on a trip to Vegas. Some people become compulsive gamblers. Everyone is different, and people succumb to different temptations differently. (Tiger Woods?) It is unfair. I agree. I wish I had better self control when faced with fresh chocolate chip cookies. Some people can eat just one.</p>

<p>todpose-- find a good therapist.Yes, gaming is fun, has it’s own challenge, and is notoriously addictive-- but there’s something else wrong, that’s keeping you from living your life in a more vital and exciting way. I’m guessing anxiety, but could be depression or fearfulness or… Going through it with a good shrink could save you many more lost years, because whatever the problem is, it won’t disappear, and without the gaming you’ll have to find a new way to deal with it. Grab this as a chance to know yourself better, and you’ll be able to say the lost years spurred you to deep understanding and change.</p>

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I’ve been meeting regularly with a counselor at my school, biweekly. I feel that the progress is very slow, even though each session is an hour long. As you pointed out, I suffer from all three things: depression, anxiety and fearfulness (and maybe some additional things that are related but I think mainly having to do with sexuality). Life seems too hard and depressing and I often feel as though it would’ve been much better had I never been born in the first place. Sigh…</p>

<p>you don’t have to be a MD to be successful, in health profession there are many categories, nurse, Therapist, Pharmacy, Vets, Dentist…</p>

<p>One of my friend got her Chinese Accupuncture license when she is in the mid 40’s… 23 is SO Young, live had just started, do not give up, there is big hope in front of you.</p>

<p>Dude, you’re only 23 and you’ve got a lot of experience in how not to waste the next ten years of your life. Odds are good you’ll be way ahead of the pack by then.</p>

<p>TOTAL agreement with spdf! Sometimes slow progress means thorough understanding. You’re on the right track. Try to do one small thing each day that reminds you you’re better-- read a book in a new genre, go to an event you wouldn’t ordinarily go to. Your understanding of the problem is a HUGE, difficult step.</p>

<p>You are so young! You have lots of time to pull things together! I know you mentioned that you were good in the sciences and possibly interested in medicine. But try this on for size: since you have a love of video games (for whatever reason), did you ever consider a career in game programming? You probably have some courses in math and computer science already. As a parent, I would just encourage you to be true to yourself in both your personal life and your academic life. It will make you happier in the long run.</p>

<p>todpose, my husband quit college as a senior majoring in education, and wandered around the country (he lived in Mississippi and Alaska on communal farms) for most of his 20s. He didn’t figure out until he was 28 that he might be interested in structural engineering. He went back to school at 28, and got his bachelor’s and master’s degrees. He never looked back on the “wasted” years - he just moved forward. You are YOUNG, as everyone has pointed out. A lot of “kids” your age take awhile to get serious. Don’t be so hard on yourself.</p>