Hoping one of you guys will give me feedback on this essay

<p>(It's UC Prompt 2, and I know it's been turned in already, but I just would like to get a general sense of how I did.</p>

<p>Prompt is: Talk about an accomplishment, quality or talent. What about it makes you proud, and how does it relate to who you are today?)</p>

<p>I used to be your textbook "nerd." Few friends, glasses, stay at home on weekends, quiet, the whole nine yards. My first years in high school were...uneventful, to say the least. I had few interests those first years at Galileo. Except for hip-hop. I discovered the genre almost by accident, but from my very first listen, I discovered it spoke to the hidden thoughts of my soul. Though I came from a sheltered world away from the streets, I was enthralled. Enthralled, by the beats and rhythms which mimicked the heartbeat of life; entranced, by the lyrics built on principles of self-expression and storytelling; enraptured, by the powerful, passionate delivery of each piece. Each piece was a distinct space for self-expression, allowing for infinite poetic and musical possibilities. Every listen left me eager for more.</p>

<p>Hip-hop became my secret hobby, my passion. In time, I began writing, rhyming, imitating the method of self-expression through rhythm and poetry. I wrote only to express my innermost thoughts; I rhymed only to replace my realities with possibilities. In a sense, I created a second persona through hip-hop. Through my writing, I became fearless, passionate, and confident, as if another person poured out when I picked up the pen. Soon enough, my friends heard my work, and encouraged me to perform at our school's annual Talent Show.</p>

<p>I hesitated. Hip-hop was not the domain of scrawny Asian kids, after all. Who was I, an outsider to intrude? But I had a message and an undying desire for self-expression. What else did I need? For two months, I wrote and rewrote the lyrics to my song, tweaking the flow and rhythm to my satisfaction. I spent late nights in my basement, practicing while the world slumbered. The only sound in my house during those moments was the fervent repetition of my song. The nerd was nowhere to be found. Instead, there was me, truly awake for the first time. Me, filled with passion, unveiling the thoughts I had kept hidden too long; me, breaking free of timidity to explore possibility. But when the world awoke, I would revert back to "nerdiness".</p>

<p>May 18th, 2008. As I stepped on stage, adrenaline surged through my 5'5" frame. In that moment, the timid part of myself melted away, forever replaced with abundant confidence and zeal. I picked up the microphone. Suddenly, syllables began to flow from my mouth, seamlessly crafting a story; a story about a girl who personified hip-hop; a girl dying in the face of misogyny and materialism, and as I promised to love her forever, I breathlessly came to the end of my tale; in that split second, the audience showered me with a seemingly foreign sound. Applause. I smiled.</p>

<p>More than any other experience my last 4 years, May 18th 2008 is most intricately linked to who I am. On that night, I realized the infinite possibility in hip-hop, and applied it to life. After all, if music is only restrained by a lack of creativity and confidence, couldn't human nature behave the same way? Why couldn't I write a new chapter in that textbook? So I began penning my own story. The part of me found in my writing, the part of me that awoke while the world slept, came to life, no longer hidden. Inspired by that abundant confidence, I pursued my other love, football, and joined varsity as a senior. I broke out of my shell to join more clubs. I started living, no longer content to let those infinite possibilities slip by. I stopped being the "nerd" the moment I grabbed the mic. Instead, I became myself; a new book altogether.</p>

<p>its good and at times funny
great job! =]</p>

<p>awwww...I like it :)</p>

<p>amazing <3</p>

<p>It's good.
Did you get accepted?</p>

<p>hey i liked that a lot. im curious too, did you get accepted? and to which UCs?</p>

<p>jesus christo due that was one of the best essays i have ever read. You knocked it way out of the park. You should be accepted solely on your essay.</p>

<p>Accepted to UCLA, rejected from Davis.</p>

<p>Waiting on Berkeley.</p>

<p>Honestly, I really think the PS is what pushed me over into LA.</p>

<p>is it just me, or were UC admisions really...arbitrary this year? i'm not dinging davis (its a great school, after all), but I just dont understand how they rejected you, and LA took you.</p>

<p>nice essay tho</p>

<p>I think it is because some of the state schools are giving priority to applicants based on their geographical location; i.e. local applicant = higher priority. I know the Cal States are doing it so perhaps the UC's are as well. Also, perhaps the UC's are trying to create a high yield situation since they are admitting fewer people at first due to the economy and the uncertainty about how many more people will be forced to choose publics over privates.</p>