UC prompt 1, could use some help!

College Essays
1

<p>At 575 words, this is my first draft of the UC prompt 1
"Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations." </p>

<p>here is just the intro, if you feel like reading the rest of the essay please PM me :)
Any constructive criticism or advice would be greatly appreciated! :)</p>

<p>The Power of Music</p>

<p>Boom. Standing there, I stared out into the dark in which I knew thousands of faces hid behind the blinding glare of the stage lights. Undaunted, I listened as the crisp thunder of my drum roared away out into that darkness, hushing all the whispers. Only stark silent anticipation remained. Boom. With that second thunderclap, I let the world fade away as my body whirled into action. Boom.</p>

2

<p>sounds interesting :slight_smile: pm me!</p>

3

<p>sure send it to me</p>

4

<p>Sure, PM me :)</p>

5

<p>Sounds great so far! just pm me. I’d be happy to read it and give you honest feedback on it.</p>