Earlier in the semester I made plans with my best friend (and really only good friend at all) on campus that we would be living together in an on-campus apartment/house style residence next year. However, recently she has dropped more clues that she will not be returning next year (posting pictures at different colleges, calling home for them to send her previous test scores, never giving into discussion about next year, etc.)
If she does transfer, I’m really in trouble for housing. Most people have already signed leases for next year, and my only other “good” friend is transferring, too. At this point, most people already are set for next year, and since it’s all groups of friends, I don’t know what to do. I only live 45-55 minutes away from my school, so I am considering scheduling my classes exclusively on Tuesdays & Thursdays and commuting. My parents are also considering allowing me to live in a one bedroom apartment alone next year, but I don’t know that I’ll be able to afford it, and frankly I think that would make me feel more alone than I already do.
So I guess I have two questions that I need advice with: 1) How do I approach my friend and ask her if she is transferring? I’m not the best with confrontation but I really need to ask her asap. 2) What do you recommend I do for housing next year? Should I scramble to find a random group of people to live with or should I commute (or live in an apartment alone)?
Thanks for any advice, and please go easy on me, I’m having a rough time here.
I’m so sorry you are going through this - I remember it was always a stressful time of year when next years housing decisions were being made.
You just have to straight out ask your friend if she is transferring. Could you apply to be an RA? Then you would have your own room and wouldn’t need to find another roommate.
I would say "I am trying to finalize my housing for next year…and I am getting the vibe you are iffy about returning. If things are up in the air, can we discuss it? "
I imagine she doesn’t know yet…if she is accepted to another school she won’t be there, but if she is there she would want to live with you. Tell her you support her in any choice, but you have this looming deadline.
Commuting will be tough…you will have to spend a lot of time in traffic and you will get more isolated from people at college.
How easy going are you? Did you like living with other people?
Are you introverted or extroverted?
Thanks for the advice on what exactly I should say to her! That’s a very good idea that I didn’t consider. Also, something that I didn’t mention before: next year is my last year, which is why I was considering commuting.
I have no problem with living with other people. I’m not extroverted but I’m not exactly introverted either, I’m more in the middle. The issue is that if I were to live with a group of people, it would more than likely be me and a group of friends. My first year at college, I lived with someone who already had an established group of friends and had no interest in talking to me. My school is very much like a high school in that aspect (no one wants to make new friends once they have a group), so I fear that I’ll live with people who don’t have an interest in talking to me.
I’m sorry you are going through that. I think I’d try to find a group of students to live with if you can. If nothing else works out, you’d be fine commuting, but you’d be more isolated.
Are you involved in any activities, or do you have a major that has an Interest House or a special dorm section (STEM, arts, music, honors, or something like that)? Try to figure out where those students are living, and find out if you can join them. Or you could ask some friends in your major if they need a roommate, or if they know of anyone who does.