Thank you for your positive response. I will never raise my kids the way my parents raised me. I will be a free range parent but I won’t overdo it.
Please be careful and don’t "go crazy " with all your freedom. I have seen people implode because this happened.
Number 1: You are at college to learn and get a degree.
Number 2: You are away from home to gain independence.
So figure out how to try new things without going overboard.
During freshman orientation introduce yourself to all types of people.
Join whatever LGBTQ club/alliance there is.
College is not what you see on TV. It is not parties every night.
Start exploring what music you like. Ask people for recommendations.
Start looking for research/internships for over the summer so you can minimize time at home.
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You should never think of the best years of you life as something in the past. No matter your age, the best years of you life are ahead of you.
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I am not gay LOL 
… But thank you for the advice… It would be nice to join a political organization on campus or travel to different states… I will do my very best to not “go crazy” in college.
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I think you are going to be just fine. You are used to being disciplined and the fact that you are even thinking this through shows your maturity. You can have an intensive major and enjoy your life as well. Having more autonomy and independence will be great for you. Maybe consider some counseling sessions when you get to college to be able to process some of your earlier experiences. Good luck!
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Yeah, well, it was my 3rd kid. Plus I was on the phone getting advice from his two older sibs. And yet, as I mentioned, the next summer that very group of kids (not his summer friends, but friends/acquaintances of theirs) stomped a kid almost to death at one of those parties, not to mention the one where the hosts got arrested for throwing an underage drinking party (and the rest of the kids were lucky not to have been arrested). It never occurred to me that my son could get beaten up, even killed at one of those parties. Now consider how often there are shootings at gatherings of young AA men, and maybe you will cut your parents some slack.
Interesting, when you ask people what they want for their own children, what you’ll hear is what was missing from their own childhoods. My mother grew up poor, wanted to give her kids a middle class life without, heaven forbid, spoiling them. She took for granted all the things her mother did for her to help her socially and in every other way possible, and did nothing to help her children in that regard; in fact, she sabotaged and stymied social interaction for her children. I wanted a warm, loving, involved family life for my kids - which is what I hadn’t had - in addition to promoting a social life for them. And when I asked my oldest what he wanted for his kids? He wants them to be raised where they can ski every day, or at least every weekend, because he ONLY got to ski for a week twice a year most years of his childhood! I guess I didn’t do such a bad job, if that’s the only thing he felt was missing from his childhood (he still has a lot of growing up to do).
Be forewarned. Make plans well ahead of time to NOT go home for the summer! Either go to school straight through, including summers, and graduate a year early, if possible, or better yet, find internships/employment for the summers, where you will NOT be living at home! Your parents will likely treat you exactly the same as they have up until now, with essentially the same restrictions, if you come to live at home during the summer.
If at all possible, get your parents to teach you to drive, if they haven’t yet, and get your license before you leave for college. This is much easier and cheaper to accomplish while living at home. After you leave home, unless you have a friend/sig other who is willing to teach you on their car, it becomes very expensive and inconvenient to accomplish. If they say they don’t want to pay to put you on the insurance, tell them that they don’t have to put on someone who just has a learner’s permit, and you are not asking to drive their cars afterwards - just to get your license before you leave for college.
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Keep in mind your overriding number one goal, which I believe is for you to become independent of your parents. Always keep this in mind. The best way to achieve independence is by getting excellent grades, that will open up more doors to you. So, make them a conscious priority. I also think experiencing the things you missed should also be a priority, but never lose sight of the fact that they are the 2nd priority, academics are the 1st.
I say all this because I, too, have seen kids go nuts when out from under their parents’ superstrict thumb. They focused too much on partying, bombed out of school and ended up back living with their parents, and with fewer opportunities to become independent.
Good luck! (Your parents love you, and I think you will do well in college since your are very intelligently thinking about this now).
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You talk to my husband and his siblings and they all wish they hadn’t been raised free range. All five of them were pretty much left to their own devices. Four of them managed to do OK but the fifth has struggled her whole life. At 65, she has only a few hundred dollars to her name and no place to live (we told her she can stay with us if she gets professional help but she refuses).
I do urge you to forgive your parents. Your lack of forgiveness hurts only you, not them. Don’t let them live rent free in your head. You would really benefit from some counseling. That’s what I did to help get over my overly strict upbringing.
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oops read too fast.
But anyway join a few clubs and then see which ones “stick”.
You have been conditioned to not reach out to others so you will have to make the effort to do so. All colleges have some kind of “club fair” at the beginning of the semester so you can find out about clubs etc there.
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I’ll definitely need some counseling sessions
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Once I go to college next spring I’m never coming back, I’m better off staying in college until I graduate and move to Texas. I will talk to one of the university departments about an internship or employment opportunities for the summer… And I’m sorry that your son had to go through that incident where his life was in jeopardy… I already have my driver’s licence…
Can you please explain the consequences of not forgiving my parents? I’m sure not doing this benefits me because my childhood would’ve been 10x as enjoyable if I was raised the complete opposite.
I agree with this logic… I will always keep this in mind…
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Because you can’t change the past. If you keep dwelling on all the wrongs that were done to you, it will eat away at you and it will be hard for you to move forward.
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Okay… I swear my future children will have a better childhood than I did… I put that on my heart and soul
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Raised by strict parents. Had tough love because they saw some terrible things growing up that they hoped I’d never experience. At times harsh, it was a strong foundation from two parents that gave me food, shelter, consistency, lessons in many skills (I rarely had time for TV in secondary school), high expectations, and the ability to be a critical thinker. It was hard at times. Now that I’m older, I realize just how much effort it was for them to give me character in a world that does not encourage such qualities.
It gave me the discipline to succeed in school. My degree required high grades to get accepted, then 66% of the first-year class never made it to second year - determined mostly by one mid-term in the first semester freshman year. Brutal. But I made it.
My spouse went to a very competitive school for STEM majors with major weeding out/attrition. Naturally smart. Graduated highly ranked, but not at the tippy top #1 position. The atmosphere there (amongst this particular circle of friends) was “work hard, play hard” which translated to, essentially, taking care of school work first, then partying/socializing Friday/Saturday nights. Mixed group of students/ethnicities. Many moons ago, so this isn’t something new.
Whatever your experiences were to this point, this will change when you go to school. It will take time to establish social bonds - often, it takes until second year to “find your people” - so check out some clubs immediately and go to events when classes are done for the day (in my major, we worked during 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., would kick back during the dinner hour, then do homework again - we had a lot of assignments to get through).
Time probably moved slowly for you growing up - it will start to move at a much faster pace in school. Discipline is to your advantage - and you have this skill. It will stand you in good stead as you navigate school, work, clubs and socializing.
Everyone has a different childhood, and we all must come to terms with our individual experiences. That allows you to focus on the present of being the adult you want to become.
If you can try to expand your thinking and focus on all the good qualities you have from growing up - you are a good and smart kid, disciplined, and don’t cause trouble - from your own description. This can be catnip for others, especially potential dating prospects. So lead with your strengths! Everyone has experienced things growing up that they don’t want to repeat - you are not alone in that, although your upbringing is unique to you. Lead with your strengths, be positive, and if you genuinely care about others, they’ll see that you’re a quality person and you’ll meet some fantastic people. (Won’t be quick, though. Trust takes time to establish solid bonds.)
My friends were mixed - some from my degree program, some from my extra-curriculars, and some from the Architecture department, because they were fun and creative (and their program sounded worse than mine - crits, meaning group critiques of their work, sounded like walking through fire, but they survived and graduated!).
You are going to school unjaded and ready to meet special (to you) friends. You’ll encounter lots of other kids your own age - most you might not relate to, and that’s okay. Most adults have many acquaintances, a few close pals, and, ideally, one or two “call at any time of day or night” confidants.
As you gather new experiences in life, may you gain peace and perspective.
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I feel for you, but believe me, it isn’t so great growing up with parents with no rules either.
Try to remember that your parents think they are doing what is best for you. As far as crushing your airline pilot dreams in elementary school, I’ll take that with a grain of salt. I doubt they were trying to crush your dreams at the tender age of nine or whatever, when a child might say they want to be in a different career every day.
You might be surprised to know that the best years of your life are likely still to come. Rather than assuming you must study something because it’s a lucrative career path, maybe consider studying what is interesting to you. That might be a better option for finding happiness.
Anyone who has spent anytime here on CC can tell you that we see students all the time who hate what they are majoring in. Tbh, those posts are more often than not by kids in engineering or premed. Just putting that thought out there.
I suspect you will greatly enjoy being at college. If you want to get out from under your parents’ thumb ASAP, be proactive. Find jobs and internships to keep you busy over your summers. Doing so will hopefully also help you when it comes time to find your first job post-grad. Good luck.
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OP- look forward, not back. If I had assumed that HS was going to the be the “best” part of my life- UGH!
College is (can be) great. Being out in the work world is even better. Then I went back to graduate school and loved it much more than undergrad. And then my career took off and every year has been better than the last. Marriage, kids, now grandchildren- every stage of my life has been better than what came before. I do have HS classmates who are forever posting old pictures, trying to get a reunion together, writing nostalgic posts on Facebook about prom, etc. and that’s fine- it’s their reality- but my reality where I basically left home and left my hometown behind is SO much better (in my opinion).
Focus on what you can control- your academic performance and where you apply to/can get in to college. The rest will take care of itself.
You will likely come to appreciate some elements of your upbringing once you are a parent (most people do) and you don’t have to accept every single thing you were taught as a kid as the only way to live. My parents were strict- I had friends in college whose parents were not- and I got to have a more nuanced view of my upbringing by the time I graduated from college. You will likely do the same.
Hugs to you. Focus on what you can control!!! And believe me- HS is NOT the best time of your life!!!
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Can I just say that very very few people refer to their teen years as the “best years of their lives.” Most of us wouldn’t go back to those years for anything. It’s a difficult time for almost everyone. Your best years are ahead of you. Enjoy them.
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