<p>How can I definitely convince my dad to let me decide where I go to college, not where he wants me to go? </p>
<p>I have decided that I want to study in a nearby college 2 hours away from home. I thought it would be perfect since my father didn't want me to go out of state to study. It would give me the independence I want, living in a dorm, learning to do things without relying on my parents, and getting freedom to discover the world. I would visit them on weekends. Also, I am a straight A student and I have really done my best in school these years to be able to choose my future and my own path. I have always been responsible and well behaved. This is a very important decision and I understand it is one of the first decisions I should be able to take as an adult. However, my father wants me to go to a college that is half an hour from home, so I stay with them. There is one problem, my 2 year boyfriend also studies at the college that is 2 hours away. My father doesn't want me to be over there with adult supervision. He has never been able to trust, even though I have never given him a reason not to. Anyway, I understand his point of view and I have intentions to keep behaving well over there. I am sure that I am not basing my decision on him, because we broke up about 5 months ago and before we got back together I was sure I still wanted to go there to study. I just want freedom, to be able to mature and become a responsible adult, and to go to the college I decide because I don't want to remember my college life as a decision made by my father, not where I really wanted to go. I am sure that if I go to study there, I would still work really hard to get good grades and be responsible. I just want learn how to manage things on my own and move out of the house. Thanks for helping!</p>
<p>Your dad doesn’t owe it to you to pay for your education. I assume maybe there is a cost factor involved, and that it would be cheaper for you to live at home than on campus. If his concern is cost, ask if he will pay the amount it would cost to be closer to home and you would try to figure out a way to make up the difference (not sure if this is possible as you have not named the schools). But the bottom line is that you may have to do what he wants you to. You could ask if you could transfer after two years – saves some money the first couple of years, he might be satisfied to let you go when you are a couple of years older.</p>
<p>He is a professor at University of Puerto Rico, so I get to study in any of the campuses free. He wants me to go to the Rio Pierdas campus while I want to go to Mayaguez. So he isn’t really paying anything for me to go to college. Also, I have made an estimate of the dorm cost and would be more or less what they pay now for the private school I go to, wich would be about $6,000. I have even considered getting a job, though I think the main factor is that my boyfriend is studying there.</p>
<p>What are my options? How could I convince him to not worry so much about the boyfriend factor?</p>
<p>Once you are 18 you can do as you please legally. However, once you are 18, your parents no longer are under ANY obligation to support you in any way. So if you need something from them, whether it’s just their financial information so you get financial aid (which you are not likely to get without it) or actually money to pay for education, food, clothes, books, anything, it’s really up to them to whether to pay or not. If you want freedom, to be able to mature and abecome a responsible adult, an integral part of this is to be self sufficient. Not living in someone else’s pocket financially. </p>
<p>Having an adult relationship with anyone is a tough situation when you are dependent on the person. The “adult” part really comes down to being truly independent and being able to walk away and still do as one pleases. The old golden rule still holds; he who has the gold makes the rules. People do not have to spend their money the way they do not want to do so on many things, and on their kids college is defintely a discretionary expense. If you can do without the money, then you are fine. Otherwise, you have to persuade him yourself and you know him a lot better than any of us.</p>
<p>Is this other college affordable for your family? Perhaps your dad feels room and board, or tuition there, is not doable but doesn’t want to tell you that, exactly? Are there other options besides these two?</p>
<p>My father doesn’t want me to be over there with[out] adult supervision</p>
<p>This doesn’t make sense.</p>
<p>If don’t go to this college and you go to College X (dad pick school) and you break up with BF…and then you find a new BF at College X, then what is your dad going to do then? Make you leave College X and now go to College Y? And then what?</p>
<p>Your dad needs to pause and realize that no matter where you go to college, you’ll probably have a BF or two at that other college as well.</p>
<p>Unless you land a full-ride scholarship, or one that is so close to a full-ride that you can pay the difference on your own with some combination of earnings, savings, or student loans, you are stuck attending a place that whoever is paying for your education approves of. It really is that simple.</p>
<p>If you can land a big enough scholarship so that your dad’s money isn’t needed, you can attend the other college. So read through their information, and figure out if that is possible.</p>
<p>How would your dad feel about this college if you broke up with this BF again?</p>
<p>The problem that I see is that no matter where this young lady goes to college (even if it’s dad’s choice), if she finds a new BF at that school her dad is going to stop paying and insist that she go elsewhere (or come home).</p>
<p>The dad is acting like this BF is “the one” and that there won’t ever be any other to worry about. lol</p>
<p>I’d recommend that you come up with specific reasons why the college you want to go to is a better fit for you than the school he wants you to go to. Leave your boyfriend out of it, and come up with specific reasons why school A has things or opportunities or programs that would benefit you that school B doesn’t. If you can’t think of anything besides you wanting to go farther away to be more independent, well, then that’ll be difficult to sell. Perhaps, you can come up with a plan to pay for your own housing and living expenses while you go to school (job, loans, whatever).</p>
<p>One of the big things about being a mature and responsible adult is being financially independent, and that can be hard. If he’s supporting you, then he does get a say in where you go, and if he’s not okay with you going to the same school as your boyfriend, then that’s his right. He’s your dad. He’ll likely always worry about the “boyfriend factor.” All I can think of is to try to convince him that there are things about this particular school that will give you a better education or more opportunities than the closer school. In the end though, you would still only be two hours away from your boyfriend, which doesn’t seem that far (to me, at least).</p>
<p>My father doesn’t want me to be over there with[out] adult supervision</p>
<p>This doesn’t make sense.</p>
<p>If you don’t go to this college and you go to College X (dad pick school) and you break up with BF…and then you find a new BF at College X, then what is your dad going to do then? Make you leave College X and now go to College Y? And then what?</p>
<p>Your dad needs to pause and realize that no matter where you go to college, you’ll probably have a BF or two at that other college as well.</p>
<p>How would your dad feel about this college if you broke up with this BF again?</p>
<p>The problem that I see is that no matter where this young lady goes to college (even if it’s dad’s choice), if she finds a new BF at that school her dad is going to stop paying and insist that she go elsewhere (or come home).</p>
<p>The dad is acting like this BF is “the one” and that there won’t ever be any other to worry about. lol</p>
<p>Unless the father’s college choice for this young lady is a school that she’ll commute from home, this is a silly situation. The girl and this BF may be broken up by Christmas or by graduation or by next Halloween. Then she’ll be onto a new BF…one from the new college. Then what???</p>
<p>Dads do not need to know about all college BFs… I do like the idea of the OP going to the closer to home school but at least asking to dorm there to get some of the independence she wants.</p>
<p>Mom2collegekids, the closer campus does involve living at home. The dad is ok with the girl having a boyfriend as long as she is living at home because he believes that there is more adult supervision in her life. Sounds like a conservative family. I think into aren’t is right but it may be difficult to convince dad to let her board.</p>
<p>Definitely live on campus, no matter where you attend college. This could be locally or far away. The college you choose should have the best academics for you- based on your intended area(s) of study and ability. Take the boyfriend out of the equation by discussing the courses you would take and why the school is better than the other one. A compromise may be Dad’s choice but living in the dorm if you can’t show the other school is more beneficial academically.</p>
<p>It is extremely important that you do not become a college commuter. You would miss so much learning. Traveling a half hour takes at least an hour of your day. I was an Honors student at a U 8 miles from home- made all the difference to be on campus.</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter if Puerto Rican culture emphasizes family, you need to be able to go away to college. You are still staying on the island so you will be able to keep close.</p>
<p>Apparently, commuting is the norm at both Rio Piedras (10% of frosh and 4% of all undergraduates living on campus) and Mayaguez (0% of undergraduates living on campus). These are the two largest UPR campuses. Most of the others (and other public and private universities) also appear to have 0% of undergraduates living on campus. This is from their entries at [CollegeData:</a> College Search, Financial Aid, College Application, College Scholarship, Student Loan, FAFSA Info, Common Application](<a href=“http://www.collegedata.com%5DCollegeData:”>http://www.collegedata.com) showing 100% living off campus or commuting.</p>
<p>There are academic differences in majors offered (e.g. Mayaguez offers engineering majors), but the OP did not mention any prospective majors.</p>
<p>If the norm in PR is to commute from the parents’ house to one of the UPR campuses or other public or private university, it may be hard to convince your father to send you to the higher cost option (living at the school), particularly if he thinks your only reason for wanting to go to that campus is to follow your boyfriend (as opposed to majoring in engineering or something else only available at that campus).</p>
<p>*Definitely live on campus, no matter where you attend college. *</p>
<p>For the majority of American college students, that is not an affordable option.</p>
<p>Most kids do commute to college, so the idea that a student really suffers is questionable. Kids commute to K-12 and no one argues that they’re being short-changed. lol</p>
<p>Anyway…unless the student has the means to pay for R&B, then the question is moot. If her dad expects her to get free tuition (thru his job) and commute from home, then he’s not going to pay for R&B.</p>
<p>Don’t know what the dad might do to prevent the D from getting a Fed loan to help pay for R&B. He might not let her do FAFSA. </p>
<p>The “adult supervision” thing is funny. She’ll be an adult while in college. Adults don’t need “adult supervision”. The dad is having problems accepting that concept. However, I know that some parents have a very hard time understanding that college kids are adults and may do things that we don’t want them to do. But, that’s part of adulthood…we get used to it. lol</p>
<p>That said, while the young lady may believe that she’s done nothing wrong in the past, the dad is a college prof and knows how sexually active college kids are. That’s obviously his big concern. He may think that having a parent as back-up is the only way his D can continue to say “no” to premarital sex. He likely thinks she’ll “give in” when the BF persists because there won’t be a parent there to say, “it’s midnight, you need to leave.” lol</p>
<p>^ No one needs to be able to go away to college. The majority of students don’t. The cultural issues are real in this instance. This will take a great deal of discussion on the OP’s part.</p>
<p>Oh I agree. I wasn’t saying that anyone “needs” to go away to college. </p>
<p>As for the cultural issues, I know that they’re real…and not just for Hispanic families. My son’s GF is Vietnamese and her parents are very religious. They didnt’ like the idea that their D was in a dorm where boys (my son lol) couldn’t be “made to leave”. When I took her on a trip with us to Calif, I got a phone call from the dad telling me to “make sure” that his D was sleeping alone. She was 20 at the time.</p>