I’m currently enrolled in a university that is six hours away from home. I attended orientation a few weeks back and after thinking long and hard, I’ve come to the conclusion that I do not want to attend this school at all. it is too far for me and once I get through traffic it takes closer to six and a half or seven hours to get home. I feel like I made my college decision on an impulse and now I wish I would have decided on community college for at least a year. I know I should tough it out and go,but I feel as though my happiness is on the line and I suffer with slight depression. the community college would be $15,000 less than the university, which is good. But how do I bring this up to my father?
I should add I am an incoming freshman. thank you!
You did not mention how you think your father will view deciding to start at a community college. Several possibilities come up:
a. Your father wants to see you attend a prestigious college, and would be very disappointed if you start at a community college, even with the possibility of doing well enough to transfer to a more prestigious college.
b. You got a full ride scholarship at the four year school, so your father would be disappointed at you wanting to give that up for a more expensive path starting at the community college.
c. The four year school costs more than the community college, so your father would be relieved that you will save money the first two years by starting at the community college.
You choose your time wisely-- not the moment he gets home from work, not when he’s paying the bills, not when he’s about to sit down and enjoy the NHL playoffs or a baseball game.
Your dad loves you and wants what’s best for you. He can’t determine that if you don’t let him know what that is.
Many kids are excited about going far away to college in the abstract but become frightened at the reality. Talk to your dad. You may also want to talk to a counselor to see if you can figure out the basis for your fears. It may be temporary cold feet or it may mean you should re-think your choice. Good luck.
I am a HS jr and already decided I am not going far from home-my top choice is 40 minutes away. My dad who went to a large state university 6.5 hours away from home, was slightly upset by this. But after hearing my rationale(I am a total homebody) and listening to my mom who only went 30 minutes away, he understood. I think you just need to sit down with him and explain why in a calm, mature manner. Good Luck!
if you got good aid/merit as an incoming frosh, you may not get that again as a transfer.
Were you awarded aid?
The drive is a very occasional thing. You won’t be coming home very often. Is there someone you can carpool with when you do come home? You may not yet know the answer to that, but likely someone else from your area will be going to that same school.
It is normal to be a bit scared about moving away from home. Many people have anxiety and worries over this huge step. Are you taking medication for your depression? It might be a good time to go see your doctor about your depression because the end of high school is a time of significant changes.
Do you like the university other than the distance from home? Don’t make a rash decision. A four year university offers many more opportunites than a CC, and you could end up being very happy at the 4 year school.
How do you know that the recent decision to go to CC is not an impulse you will later regret? What besides the drive makes you think the school is a bad fit?
@bjkmom has answered your question perfectly. Your dad will know better than we will whether this is normal fear of flying the nest or whether it is a sign you should be home one more year.
Without knowing YOU, I would say go to the school allowing yourself the chance to see how it goes and giving yourself the option to come to CC if you decide you don’t like it.
@mom2collegekids I have received aid from this school. The total cost per year is $30,000 and I got a scholarship for $12,000. plus my federal grants, I will owe around $10-12,000 a year. The CC would cost apx $15,000 but with aid I would end up paying less than the private univ.
Try writing out the pro’s and con’s for each option and share the results with your dad ASAP. Unless he’s an ogre, it should be a helpful conversation. @gettingschooled pretty much summed it up: without knowing you, your situation (finances, emotional health, location, family situation, reasons for attending the college) we don’t have much to go on. However:
@mom2collegekids knows what she's talking about. Transfers almost never get the same level of grant/scholarship aid from the college that freshmen get. College's attract students for all 4 years by offering significant institutional aid to those who enroll as freshmen.
Do the math for all four years for each scenario. What does the college offer transfer students? Is there a geographically closer 4-year option?.
It's perfectly okay if you can't come to a decisive path forward. Maybe you'd benefit from a gap year working/volunteering. Colleges will often defer admission for a year and honor their financial aid offer. This would allow you to reassess your choices and do some growing/earning. Again, maybe there's a closer 4-year that would work for you.
Caveat: be careful about taking a class during a gap year - a lot of colleges won't consider you a first-time freshman for aid purposes if you take even one community college course before enrolling.
Do you mind naming the Community and the 4-year Colleges? Are you planning on living at home while attending the Community College? Why is the CC cost so high ($15K)? If you are not happy at the school 4-year institution, your grades will likely suffer as a result, which will have a lot of repercussions down the road. Is it possible you can adjust to this school once the school begins? Are any of your High School friends attending this College? If you know you can never be happy at this College, now is the time to back out.
You said federal grants plural. A Pell grant would be available at any school but if you got a FSEOG grant at the 4 year, those have limited funding and may not be available at the CC, maybe at this late date even probably won’t be available. so don’t assume it will be.
@mom2collegekids I have received aid from this school. The total cost per year is $30,000 and I got a scholarship for $12,000. plus my federal grants, I will owe around $10-12,000 a year. The CC would cost apx $15,000 but with aid I would end up paying less than the private univ.
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The concern is that the scholarship will not be awarded again later. That is likely an award only given to incoming frosh for 4 years. If you were to transfer in later, that award would not be in your pkg.
I probably would not later attend this college. After attending community college I would transfer somewhere closer. And the $12,000 scholarship I mentioned is awarded to transfer students that meet the requirements it is a board scholarship.
Look at the caliber of courses you would be taking. Not all classes in the same subject cover the same amount of material.Will there be the same level? What about the peer group? Do not assume the students you met at orientation will be like the ones in your classes and dorm. Is the academic fit at the CC on par with your academic abilities or will you potentially be bored?
That trip will be infrequent while a daily commute from home could actually end up to be more time- plus you may not be around for the after hours socializing et al. An on campus experience as a freshman is wonderful. Perhaps you are intimidated by leaving home.
Excellent idea to make a list of all of the pros and cons then discuss with your dad. Also list differences and similarities- you may shift some to the pros/cons list or determine they are inconsequential to you.
This may well be “last minute jitters”. You have a scholarship to this 4-year university and you can attend. Give it a try for a year, or even a semester. Community colleges are open-enrollment, so that, if you really don’t like your 4-year college, you could easily leave your 4-year university and get into the community college.
Most college students don’t go back to their parents’ house once they’ve started living on campus - it takes very little time for you to become more independent. You may want, for now, continue your HS life, but everybody will have moved on; in very few weeks you, too, will have started a new life on your new campus, even if it feels unfamiliar and scary for now.
What is the4-year college in question?
You are 6 hours away. How often are you planning to go home? Can you fly home if you have to?
Most people go home at Thanksgiving and Christmas. You can talk/skype to your family in the mean time.
Also right now you don’t know anyone at the school and have no friends yet.
OP, I feel for you, as my D was also, in her words, terrified, of starting college. She will be going 6 hours away, despite there being a closer to home alternative 4 year.
But in her case, she decided that she would not be challenged in the nearby option academically.
My advise to her is to be guided by her goals instead of by her fears. To try and think about what specific things about faraway college will be fun and interesting. That helped her decide to go for faraway college.
It’s like learning to ride a bike - if you keep looking down at the pavement because you are afraid of falling then you will fall. You have to keep your eyes up and focused on where you want to go.