<p>I've been arguing with my dad about wanting to go to a college out of my city. I've told him many times about some of the colleges I want to go to and the various programs that impressed me, yet he doesn't care about anything that comes out of my mouth and insists that I stay at the state school 30-45 minute drive from my house. </p>
<p>I want to go out of state (or at least out of city) for college, because I know if I decide to commute to college, I won't feel the need to be independent, while if I'm off on my own in a dorm, I'll be forced to do things for myself.</p>
<p>The biggest problem is that I live in Nevada, where there are only TWO major universities in the state, so I do not have a lot of options for college.
Financially, we are capable of paying for college, since our AGI is rather high to me, but m dad is being very... possessive with money. He also seems to ask my mom for money, claiming he's using it for payments, but tends to run off with it doing who-knows-what. And then whenever my mom refuses to give him part of her paycheck, he gets all angry, leaving my mom no choice but to give it to him so he'll stop being such a grumpy bear.</p>
<p>Pretty much my mom is the only person who seems willing to help pay for my college education at this point, and if we only counted her financial info, I would be able to qualify for the Pell Grant, but because she's married, the combined income makes us unlikely to get a lot of need-based aid.
For colleges, I have applied to some WUE-eligible schools such as Washington State University and University of Oregon, but I worry it won't be enough, because my mom may barely be able to afford $10,000 for college for me.</p>
<p>Is there anything I could do to convince him to change his ways, or any possible options I have?</p>
<p>Sounds like your dad is the controlling-type who probably doesn’t want you to be independent and doing things for yourself. </p>
<p>The only way you can or will be truly independent is if you are paying your own way – so I think your choices right now are to either opt for commuting to college or find a way to finance your own college. If your stats are good enough, that might mean readjusting your college plans to consider schools that are not currently on your radar, but likely to be generous with merit aid. Alternatively, you might look into gap year option that will get you off onto a more independent financial footing.</p>
<p>@calmom: He definitely is. I’d rather not commute if possible, because if I choose to, then I would be wasting about 5-7 hours each week commuting, time that I can be using for studying/doing chores instead. And traffic around the campus can get HORRIBLE at peak times.</p>
<p>@mom2collegekids: Yeah, my parents aren’t exactly impressed that room and board cost more than our in-state tuition, but my mom seems a little more open about it since I’ve told her of all my friends who graduated last year and have enjoyed dorm life decently.</p>
<p>I know they can afford to go elsewhere because my mom has told me countless times that if my dad hasn’t been trying to “eat up” her paycheck, she would be able to afford about $20,000 a year for college, meaning I would be able to attend schools like WSU with minimal debt and still have an out-of-state experience. And the other public college in our state is about $14,000 a year (room/board AND tuition). Definitely cheaper than the IS tuition at other colleges in some states.</p>
<p>You get a tuition break in several neighboring states (but only to 150%, as I think you can see). </p>
<p>But as far as being possessive with his money… it is HIS money. Not yours. If you want to go farther away/live in a dorm, tell him he only has to pay what he would pay for you to live at home and commute. Then figure out how to earn or borrow the rest. Although you will find many threads out here warning against borrowing too much (and they are correct). He surely has other obligations that you do not have a lot of insight into. Like… retirement. Younger siblings. Sometimes parents are aware of health problems they have that they do not want to burden their children about, but make them worried about spending all the money they have in hand or are earning that year. Or maybe his (or your mom’s) job stability is not great, and he does not want to over commit (and he also may not want to share that info with you).</p>
<p>Bottom line. He does not owe you the college education of your choice. A lot of kids don’t get as much as he is offering you. If you want him to listen to your alternative plans, make a spreadsheet that shows him that it will cost him exactly the same amount as he will pay for you to live at home and commute. If you can come up with that plan.</p>
<p>I do realize it is his money, but I don’t think it’s fair how he’s also demanding money from my mom, especially when you consider he’s not always using that money for constructive purposes. For example, when I was filing the FAFSA last month and my dad gave me his tax information, it apparently stated that he had made over $10,000 in gambling! To tell you the truth, I don’t know what exactly will he use those earnings for, but it didn’t give me and my mom and easy feeling when we found out about it.</p>
<p>As for other expenses, I’m the only child in the family (also the first go to to college), and as far as I know, my dad is actually very stubborn when it involves visiting the doctor or dentist. According to my mother, my dad hasn’t visited the dentist in over 10 years and usually refuses to see a doctor whenever he is sick. I’ll try to talk to him about getting him to pay for just home and commute tuition expenses though.</p>
<p>however, I don’t understand why you’re upset that your dad expects that your mom contribute to the household. It sounds like you think her money should be hers to do with what she wants. </p>
<p>On the other hand, your dad may have a gambling problem. But, that doesn’t mean that only his income should go towards household expenses.</p>
<p>@UT84321: haha, that’s what many of my classmates thought, but to be honest not many of us have the luxury to afford to get into a good out of state college and still manage to graduate with minimal debt. </p>
<p>@mom2collegekids: I wouldn’t be so irked if he asked her rather nicely like “hey, I’m having trouble paying the car payments, will you lend me a hand?” Rather, he’s sometimes acts like “you better give me the money or I will kill you” kind of look, and then pretty much throws acts like a kid throwing a temper tantrum when mom asks him what it’s for and/or doesn’t give it to him.
I know he shouldn’t have to devote all his paycheck to household expenses, but the fact that he made over thousands via gambling, possibly using part of my mom’s money without her consent or knowledge, doesn’t make me or my mom any happier about the situation at all.</p>
<p>borflis, your dad’s gambling and your parents wrangling over money is something that concerns them, not you. I agree that from your description, your dad sounds like kind of a jerk… but my point is, as the child, you should NOT be in the middle of it. Your mom is not really doing you any favors if she confides her frustrations to you – she really needs to talk to another adult on this one. I know this is tough for you, because obviously this is happening in your house right in front of you – but this really is something the grownups in the house have to work out with each other. </p>
<p>At the same time, if you suspect that your dad may have a gambling problem, then that piece of knowledge is just one more reason why you should act on the assumption that he isn’t going to be convinced to change his mind on college. Your dad simply is not a reliable source of college financing for you, so you have to cast a broader net. (I’d note that if he has $10k worth of winnings, it might not be as much of a “problem” as you think. Gambling is legal in your state, odds are better at some games than others – so your dad may be gambling a fairly modest amount and keeping it well under control. There would be a much bigger problem if he seemed to be racking up a lot of debt.)</p>
<p>Aren’t gambling winnings listed separately from gambling losses on federal tax returns? I believe that gambling losses are reported as an itemized deduction on Schedule A, not to exceed the winnings reported as income. There’s a number of reasons why a federal tax return might not accurately reflect gambling losses (if deductions are not itemized, losses exceed winnings, the filer did not keep receipts for the losses, etc).</p>
<p>Can you consider applying as an independent student and reassess FA options? It is a lot of paperwork and you may not qualify, but it might be worth exploring. Besides, if you are independent, your dad cant claim you on his taxes any more. Maybe that will open his eyes!</p>
<p>The OP is not independent and cannot file as such. Not possible. There are rules and you don’t “apply” as independent. The rules say you are or are not. And tax dependency has nothing to do with it. </p>
<p>You need to be one of the following:</p>
<ul>
<li>24 or over</li>
<li>married</li>
<li>provide over 50% of support for a dependent </li>
<li>have your undergrad degree </li>
<li>be a veteran</li>
</ul>
<p>IronMaiden
There are ways to declare oneself an independent aside from what you list. If the person is unable to return home they may possibly be deemed as homeless. Its a longshot for sure. </p>
<p>This final option is what I was suggesting as possible, though remote:
<p>@SlitheyTove: both of my parents are married, and have been (un)happily married for the past 20+ years.
My family’s EFC according to FAFSA is around 18,000, and our AGI is approx 90,000 (around 78,000 if you solely count my parent’s income in wages). However, as I’ve said before, my mom says that trying to pay for $10,000 of it won’t be easy.</p>
<p>Yeah… there’s no way I’m going to be able to file as an independent anytime soon, and I’m sure as heck not going to wait until I"m 24 to be claimed as a independent. And as far as I know, we have no itemized deductions we can claim.</p>
<p>One less expensive option that can also give you an out-of-state experience is going to whatever U your folks will agree to and perhaps to the National Student Exchange (NSE) for a semester or year. That worked for everyone in our family & it’s like WUE in that you only pay 150% of the in-state tuition for participating schools. You are supposed to start and then return to your U though. I started at our in-state U, did the NSE as a sophomore & then transferred & stayed to graduate at the other U.</p>
<p>Another option is to go wherever you can & then transfer or go to grad school elsewhere. When you rely upon others for funds for your education, you have to work with their budget and expenses. Whatever you do, be sure to keep any loans you may take for your education low (no higher than Stafford guaranteed loans).</p>
<p>To clarify above, although the chance was remote (and sounds impossible based on what the OP has subsequently said) the suggestion was to apply to college as an independent (and qualify for more loan/grant $), not to apply to <em>be</em> independent (though there is a process one goes through to qualify as such). That said, if the dad is being a butt-head and is only focused on his wallet, perhaps looking at ways to fund the OP’s educatiion that dad doesnt get to take as a tax credit is a consideration.</p>
<p>Sorry you are having to go through this, borflis.</p>
<p>Jym, you cannot apply to a college as an “independent” separate from the FAFSA / CSS process. Yes, the abandonment and abuse process does exist but there is nothing in the OP’s story to suggest this is even remotely possible. </p>
<p>If there is a process to be declared independent for FA at the college level only please provide a link. I would be interested in reading about it.</p>
<p>borflis, it doesn’t look as bad as you might think of feel. A part of the financial package that you’ll receive consist of work study which can be increased in $ depending on your needs to pay for your tuition. Also, if you’re serious about school, it isn’t the end of the world if you owe a little money after graduation. Recent changes in the law allow you to borrow directly from the federal govt which gives you a lower inerest rate come time for you to repay. A 9-12 month grace period as well as payment flexibility in terms of time & amount based on your future income will make life easier for you.
Talk to financial counselor(s) of the school of your choices, be concise but do tell them your family situation. I am sure they will be receptive to your needs so long that you are a good student w/ good grades who wants to better oneself regardless of what you seem to have to endure at home. Best of luck!</p>