<p>Thank you all so much for your advice. Well for the most part, She's always gone. Like now shes on vacation once again. So, Ill just countinue doing what I can to make her realize. Thanks again :-).</p>
<p>Bbecker, you ARE getting some nice motherly advice and support here, so come back when you wish to.</p>
<p>For a long view perspective, I have a sister-in-law whose parenting was terribly unsatisfactory; her mom ended up her life as a bag lady in an airport terminal (they don't even allow this anymore since 9/11) with severe schizophrenia. </p>
<p>My Sister-in-law was financially self-sufficient through college and is one of the smartest, most courageous people I know.</p>
<p>When she had her OWN children, she became a very dedicated parent. </p>
<p>So keep trying to work on your relationship with your own Mom, and realize that perhaps one day you'll have the blessings of children and can do it differently.</p>
<p>oh yeah def, I plan to be a very involved parent! I'm going to get report cards before they even see it. Get process reports every other week, My childern are going to be so tired of me but they're just going to be like every other kid I know, taking there parents involvement for granted.</p>
<p>bbecker--I'm a mom now, but when I was your age I had a very similar type of mom. I WAS self sufficient and independent and at the time I felt very lucky not to have a mom who was in my business all the time. </p>
<p>You seem like a very aware and observant person to understand at such a young age that something's missing. I was in my '30s with kids of my own before I had such insight. </p>
<p>You may not realize this but you went through a bad time--your first venture out into the world didn't work out so well. It's like you went toddling off when you were 2 and fell on your butt. You want your mommy to put her arms around you and tell you you'll be OK, but she sees this capable kid who may not even let on how upsetting the experience in Wisconsin was. </p>
<p>Have you told her how difficult it was for you? How sad and scared you were? How you missed being at home? Maybe she thinks you don't need her--my mom told me that's how I made her feel when I was your age and she backed off and let me do my thing. </p>
<p>Ask her for what you need emotionally and see how she responds. Just saying "I feel like a kid who fell down and wants his mom" might be enough if she was able to respond to you when you were little.</p>
<p>Also--if you haven't availed yourself of the counseling service at FSU it can't hurt and it just might help. You have been through a tough time and could use some support.</p>
<p>Another suggestion: find a female mentor you can 'adopt' as a motherly cheerleader. I have many single friends who would love to have the chance to advise an aspiring student--and share the stories.</p>
<p>If it's one thing the boomer generation loves--it's giving advice! In case you hadn't noticed...</p>
<p>This may be way off base, but I was puzzled that your mom did not ask to see your report cards. Is it possible that that she does not read and is embarrased by this?<br>
You seem to be a wonderful person. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>I really applaud you for your determination and success in school. I have known many bright kids from families that were offered little or no encouragement -ultimately those kids rarely worked to their potential and fell through the cracks. Your future looks so bright and your courageous attitude will take you very far. As for your mom-I'm sure she is very proud of you. She just may have trouble expressing it. Why not try something small like going to lunch or dinner together and tell her what you need/want. She may have no idea. Parents are far from perfect. When you get to Florida State you may benefit from a close knit group like a sorority or religious group. As a sorority alum I have mentored college girls over the years. Many of the national chapters have programs that hook up collegiates with alums that have similar interests. You may know this, but I wanted to remind you that you will be eligible for your bright futures scholarship. Depending on your academic record, you will have at least 75% of you tuition paid. Best of luck!</p>
<p>Wow, I can soooo relate. My circumstances were totally different from yours, but I'll share my story just in case some of it might be helpful for you.</p>
<p>My mom never went to ANY of my school functions, NONE. I very distinctly remember when I was in elementary school whenever the school had an open house, ALL the other kids' moms were there except mine. Sometimes she'd get one of my sisters to take me, but she would never go herself. Then in high school, I remember in 11th grade driving myself to the Honor Society banquet. After they presented the award, all the other kids and their parents were socializing, but I just left and drove myself home. It was just so humiliating when there was no one to care about my accomplishment. I didn't even bother to go to my own high school graduation OR college graduation, because there was no point when there was no one to congratulate me.</p>
<p>In my case, my mom told me it was because she felt self-conscious because she was poor and 'all the other moms were rich.' This was actually true - my parents barely had enough $$ to buy groceries but they sent us all to Catholic school, and truthfully all the other families drove nice cars and all the other kids wore nice clothes. This was no longer true in high school - surely SOME of the honor students were from poor families, even though I never saw any of them - but there was no way mom could get past her inferiority complex.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, we never did have a 'normal' mom-daughter relationship. When my son was born, I so desperately wanted her to stay with me a few days, but she declined. That hurt, but I had to accept it. </p>
<p>For awhile, I had a boyfriend whose parents essentially 'adopted' me. I called them Mom and Dad. It was so strange to see a normal, loving family! When we broke up, I missed the parents more than I missed the boyfriend!</p>
<p>Your mom might be totally different - I'm sure she is if she had a career in the military. And it sounds like $$ is not an issue here. But, just as my mom had certain emotional hangups because of her own particular circumstances, so too might your mom have OTHER issues that keep her from being involved. For example, maybe her own parents were abusive and she never had any role models. In which case, she is doing an excellent job to just provide for you and not be abusive herself! Both my parents and my hubby's parents were abusive, and we decided when our son was born that we'd do better. But, we were also realistic enough to know that our past abuse could cause certain challenges. We decided that we'd set our goals high, but when it's all said and done, if our kid came out only HALF as emotionally messed up as we used to be, then we succeeded in breaking the chain of abuse. In other words, it's an improvement and therefore a success!</p>
<p>I offer that idea only as a possibility. Or it could be the opposite - maybe her parents were wealthy and truly loved her but didn't know how to show it, were very aloof - maybe she was raised by a nanny or something - so she never really learned how to show it either. Maybe something happened in the military... Maybe it's a cultural thing. One of my son's friends has a mom from Europe and she just really doesn't know how to give hugs or be involved. I know more about her son than she does sometimes! She obviously loves him a lot but just doesn't know how to express her feelings or communicate very well. She did at least know which college he was going to, but was clueless as to which classes he was taking, whereas I knew all of his classes because I had bothered to ask him one day when he was visiting my son. She just had this cultural thing in which she thought moms weren't really supposed to be close to their sons, it seemed. That doesn't apply here either since you're a daughter, but my point is that there are endless possibilities as to why she is the way she is.</p>
<p>One of my son's girlfriends has a mom who was a military officer and she told me that she'd gotten pregnant with her daughter at 16, and therefore was EXTREMELY strict with her daughter. This girl had to get up at 6 am every morning to clean house, 7 days a week! In this case, the mom did seem to be very involved with her daughter's life and they did seem close in some ways, but the point again is that parents can have quirky things about them due to their own lives/issues/circumstances. I know another mom who became pregnant at 16 and she was always out galivanting around town - she said she never got to party as a teen and she was going to do it NOW! at the expense of the kids!</p>
<p>The bottom line is that she does seem to genuinely love you, but may be doing the best she can with her particular set of circumstances. That doesn't mean that she can't alter her behavior towards you, though. I totally agree that you might consider just talking to her about it. Is it possible that she doesn't realize just how important this is to you? I also agree that it's a good idea for you to try to take the first step and reach out to her. We are accustomed to thinking that the parent has to be the initiator, but sometimes you just have to realize that parents have their own issues.</p>
<p>In my case, it wasn't until I was an adult that I was able to have compassion for just how hard my mom tried but also just how messed up she really was. That helped me to not take it personally. I began to see her just as a person instead of 'my mom.' </p>
<p>Important NOTE: I am NOT saying that YOUR mom is messed up in any way!!!! I am only sharing my OWN story and this WAS true about MY mom. Probably 99% of it does not relate to your situation at all, but I offer it in the hopes that it might perhaps offer some food for thought.</p>
<p>There are some good suggestions in the other posts and I especially like Mombot's in #24.</p>
<p>
[quote]
A person doesn't have to be stupid to be unresponsive when their kid is applying to college. As some have suggested, the mother could be depressed or overwhelmed with concerns or responsibilities that are kid doesn't know about.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I agree. And, parents can even be jealous of their own kids. Oh yes, I have definitely seen that. Parents sometimes sabotage their kids' success because they are jealous that the kid has more opportunities when the parent had it so rough. Just because people have kids doesn't mean they have worked out all their psychological issues.</p>
<p>lealdragon, Wow thank you for sharing your story. I don't know what the real problem is, Money isn't the issue because on top of the military she works for the United states post office now. After I came home from wisconsin is crazy and impossible to talk to her because shes been acting like everything bothers her. I feel so out of place, sometimes I regent coming home. I don't knwo where I belong anymore. I'm anxious to get away, and even more anxious to be with the love of my life because in reality to me their the only person I can really go to but we're away from eachother right now because we're both focused on our education and we won't see eachoher till summer.</p>
<p>Cheers, I would love to have someone "motherly" go to about things, who really shows they care. I'm tired of talking to my mother and she not even listening to me. My grandmother is the best thing I have but she lives in Dominican Republic and she only visits for a month at a time.</p>
<p>My mom went to my high school graduation because it was her first from two other children.</p>
<p>Mom15, No my mom is a very intelligent women, I don't think she could of become a SGG in the army and not know how to read.</p>
<p>My mom took me to two of my open houses in high school because she didn't want to make my teachers think that she was a "unfit parent" but that's the only time she really step foot in the school. </p>
<p>I'm happy to see other parents on this site know their child so well, hear how much they miss their child in college. Read how mom and dads know exactly their childs GPA and SAT scores. My mom doesn't even know I took the SAT's. It just takes alot of a parent to be involved and also life their life, maybe she feel's like I'm taking that from her or something.</p>
<p>I know nothing about school life in the Dominican Republic, but I recall that in some Caribbean and Central American countries, it was understood that a parent should leave their kids at the schoolroom door. The only contact from school to parent was when the school reported bad behavior to the parent, so parents did not want to hear from schools. There was no reason to set foot in a school for a "good" child. And if the parent wanted the child beaten, he could go to the schoolteacher and ask for that to happen. </p>
<p>I don't even know which country I heard that about...so if anyone's reading this with a different experience from that part of the globe, PLEASE excuse my ignorance. I'm just fishing around to see if perhaps the Dominican background of the OP's mom could have given her a different expectation of how to relate to schools in the USA, with all of our PTA meetings, open houses, school plays, etc. etc.</p>
<p>I think Cheers advice (to find a motherly mentor) was wonderful, and more importantly, it sparked a "yes" thought in you.</p>
<p>If you belong to a church, the pastor or priest might know of a big sister, a woman in the professions, or a grandma (who is SMART!) that you could come to. Or all 3! Good luck. Do not give up, ever.</p>
<p>I attended school In the Dominican Republic for Kindergarden and 1st grade and it wasn't like that, at least at the catholic school I went to. Yes, they punished and beat you but only when you were extremely bad and not even then did they really really beat you up, just spankings. I wasn't born there though. I don't know, I guess she did think that. NO CALLS NO PROBLEMS but she failed to realized that they're is more to that. She always wanted me to do things for myself, I was just suppose to tell her when
I had an event going on that I wanted to attend and she would buy the dress, shoes ETC.</p>