<p>I hate how my parents don't care at all about my college, my major, my future plans, basically everything besides my wedding (I'm 19!). They just think "everything will work out" as it is. They've never pushed me to do anything. They were even ok with me not attending college. They just didn't care! When I told them I was accepted to four Ivy League schools they said "good job", smiled, hugged me and then asked when I applied to these schools, what these schools were, where they were etc etc. It's ok to ask this when I was applying but I had been talking about colleges incessantly since last summer and they still had no freaking clue. </p>
<p>They never ask me what I'll study, why I'll study it or what I want to do in the future. It's just so frustrating!! I've made so many bad decisions with regards to choosing courses, applying to colleges and what not (too detailed to list here) and I just wish if my parents were more involved, I could've avoided them.</p>
<p>P.S: I don't hate my parents. I just hate that they couldn't care less about what I do professionally or academically.</p>
<p>It sounds like you’re a self made person which is great, and you’ve obviously done well. If you parents truly don’t have a clue I’m not sure how they might have helped you avoid your mistakes. And I don’t see what kind of advice you are seeking.</p>
<p>It may not be that they aren’t interested, but more that they are not knowledgeable about college, and the things that interest you. If they come from a place/time where women do not seek higher education, then it is very difficult for them to imagine why you would need or want to do so. Not everyone values education, especially for women, and this may just be true for your parents. You will find much support in college, from professors and classmates. Enjoy it, and use it to motivate you. Your parents may feel that because it was not their experience, they have little to offer you in the way of advice about college, or career. They may learn from you over time. Be gentle, and thank them for what support, love, and care they have given you.</p>
<p>I want them to be more involved, but I just don’t know how to do that. I mean, they didn’t even care what I did during high school. My dad would laugh (yes, LAUGH) at the prospect of even attending a PTA meeting for me, and my mom would just show up, ask if I was doing well, and then leave! Even one of my teachers found it strange (judging from her facial reaction to my mom leaving after a 40 second introduction, and a 10 second talk). But they do care in other ways, like buying me whatever I ask for and stuff, and being extremely worried about my health at even one cough, so they definitely could care about this too.</p>
<p>My parents can become more knowledgable about things that matter to me, but I feel they just don’t want to. My grandparents never really cared about what my parents did either so I guess they think it’s ok. But, I don’t think it’s ok. And I’ve reacted angrily a couple times at their ignorance, but they still don’t care.</p>
<p>As for the place, well while it isn’t taboo for women to care about their professional careers here, it is rare. But my parents are extremely liberal-minded, so it definitely doesn’t surprise them that I want to be educated. And, among my friends’ parents, it’s just mine who don’t know about their child’s aspirations. When Ivy decisions were released, I immediately went to my best friend’s house who also applied to the same schools. Her parents were actually extremely upset by her decisions (she didn’t get into any). When they asked me about my decisions though, I found out that they knew quite a lot about the whole process. I was actually shocked, but after telling other parents within my parents’ and my social circle about my college decisions, I noticed that quite a lot of them took a keen interest in their children’s applications, one to the point of not only choosing where his son was applying, but also his major. My parents haven’t even asked me which degree program I’m in, and it’s almost three months since decisions were released. :(</p>
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<p>My dad has a bachelors degree in engineering from a local college, and a masters from an Australian university. My mother enrolled but didn’t complete her bachelors in psychology (local college).</p>
<p>Quick assessment: my dad always did the college stuff for me (he went to college). Tons of support, encouragement, etc.
My mom would say “that’s nice dear” on acceptance to hardest school on the block (she didn’t go to college). She was proud of me but really didn’t have a clue as to the effort on my part.
Parents give what they can for the most part. They must have done a bunch of things right to have such a self-reliant student! Search for the help you need through counselors and advisors outside your family.</p>
<p>I tell myself that all the time. I mean, they are extremely caring (my mom keeps insisting that she’ll be the one to move me in no matter how much I say I can do so myself), and I love them for that. I just wish that my parents just took a bit more interest in my goals…</p>
<p>You’ll have to take this on faith…your parents probably WANT to show more interest in your goals–but they may not simply understand your goals because there is no frame of reference for them. Educate them. Tell them your plans–what you’d like to do, WHY you’d like to do it, how you expect to get there and what you hope to benefit from your education. I know it sounds simplistic to you but sometimes parents have a huge blindspot as to their children’s dreams for their future.</p>
<p>It sounds like maybe your folks don’t know where to begin. You have stretched so far and done so well, probably beyond what they can imagine. Congratulations!!! At the other end of the spectrum are parents who demand that their kid(s) attend a certain school or small set of schools AND dictate the career path that the kid must follow, contrary to the kid’s interests or dreams. Be careful what you wish for.</p>
<p>Yes, several times. Although, often angrily.</p>
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<p>Thank you so much for this! :)</p>
<p>I’ll try my best to talk about my goals and school all the time with them. Hopefully, they’ll start taking an interest sometime down the road. :)</p>
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<p>I know what you’re saying, but I sometimes do wish for helicopter parents-like parents. At least they openly care and motivate their kids. But, I definitely appreciate my parents too. They’re imperfect, but also, and I often forget this, absolutely wonderful. :)</p>
<p>OP,
I do not get what is your problem. Many kids dream about your type of parents. Are you always complaining about everything good in your life? Enjoying what you have will greatly enhance your life. Best wishes whatever you choose to do at whatever place, appreciate your parents un-intrusive support. They are greatest ever!</p>
<p>My parents were working class immigrants from Asia. While they knew education was important they had no idea what top level education was in America. In ninth grade, I told my mother that my science class needed me to purchase a scientific calculator. She was aghast and forbade me from buying one. She said she was first in her school at arithmetic and that her son wasn’t going to be lazy. Now, I had been admitted to my city’s most advanced magnet school where families were killing themselves to get their 8th graders into. How could I explain to her that her “arithmetic” had been surpassed by my instruction as a sixth grader? How could I explain to her that my use of a scientific calclulator was because what I was learning was so far beyond mathematics that pen and paper calculations was akin to my building a fire each night to cook our food?</p>
<p>She had no earthly idea of what I was studying. My hard work paid off and come senior year, I was admitted at all schools applied, eventually matriculating at an HYP. They visited me once during my 4 years, graduation time. During a lean time, I was in between jobs. My mother indicated to me that she thought I’d be a great candidate for a plumbers apprenticeship program. Again, no offence to plumbers or to my mom, but she just didn’t get it. I thanked her and moved on.</p>
<p>And this wasn’t only directed at me. My brother was a mediocre student but excelled in the visual arts. He was practically self-sufficient due to his skill as an illustrator. He went to a top notch art college and did extremely well for himself professionally. My parents never could appreciate his skill or how he was even viewed in the community. He shared many of the disappointments you’ve expressed.</p>
<p>But now it’s incumbent on you to be mature and know that the support you have rec’d (a stable household, two parents together, the means to fulfill your own attributes) have exceeding value. The fact that they are deficient in one area (academic support, involvement & interest) doesn’t preclude all the benefits they have given you. The emotion is raw now but in time, I think you’ll understand them better. Good luck to you.</p>
I was extremely involved in my son’s applications, doing research for schools that might interest him and editing (NOT writing) his essays. On the other hand, he gets his own Stouffers frozen foods for dinner and our house is a mess and we don’t go on bike rides.</p>
<p>The people who have commented on your self-direction and loving parents are right. We all (parents and children) do the best we can, and it’s never enough.</p>
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LET her! She’ll see where you’re going (Columbia? Penn?), see all the other lovely lively kids, hear the excited parent chatter… Plus, you’ll know that she’s interested and involved to the best extent she can be. Plus, you’ll get help, which will be, um, helpful, since there’s a lot to do.</p>
<p>Congratulations on admission and on your very recent journey of acceptance of your parents.</p>
<p>Your parents just don’t know…mine didn’t at all until I explained things.</p>
<p>The fact that they aren’t pushing you down in your endeavors means that they are supportive, they just don’t know how (with good reason…knowing all the ins and outs of college admissions can be daunting for a non-CC parent) to help you.</p>
<p>Mine just trusted that I knew what I was doing</p>
<p>One of the things we often say on the Parent’s Forum is to love the kid you got, not the one you want. The same goes for you and your parents. There are some good suggestions on how to inform and involve your parents more, but the fact of the matter is that they are not the sort of people who want to be there. If they are supporting you to make it possible for you to go there, that is really quite enough. You are becoming an adult soon if legally not already.</p>
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