How can I make friends?

Colleges & Universities A-Z University of Illinois - Urbana-Champaign
1

<p>I'm a freshman in bioengineering here, and I'm having an extremely hard time finding friends.</p>

<p>I lived in Taft (co-ed by alternating floors) first semester, and it was terrible--my roommate loved keeping me awake literally all night right before exams and finals, he threw up on me, and just generally didn't respect me at all. To make matters worse, practically everyone on my floor was heavily into binge drinking and partying nearly every night. I wish I were exaggerating, but I do mean practically everyone (with the exception of a couple people, all but one of whom I didn't really get along with anyway, and that one is very involved with his frat and friends from home. I never see him around much, anyway).</p>

<p>After talking with my RD about my situation, she suggested I move to a single in Lundgren (all guys), which I did. It's definitely quieter and I can actually sleep now, which is nice, but everyone here already knows each other, and there isn't a common area where I could mingle with people. I've been here for three weeks, and the only person I know is the RA.</p>

<p>I've always been introverted and very shy, and I've been diagnosed with both dysthymia and major depressive disorder. I'd been seeing a therapist for nearly two years for this before leaving for college, and I thought I'd made significant progress, but now that I've been here for awhile, it just seems inconceivable that I still have literally no one I can talk to. At all. Even casually. I have no friends here and no acquaintances. The people I know here from my high school all have their own social groups, and the three people I felt comfortable around and I have sort of drifted apart.</p>

<p>I try to stay out of my dorm room as much as possible and have been doing my homework or reading at coffee shops and the libraries, and I've joined a couple clubs and plan to try a few others. Still, I haven't met anyone who was interested in even talking to me. I've met everyone in my year in my major, since there are only fifty of us, and nothing ever happened. I know a lot of the other bioengineers have formed pretty tight social circles; I just never found my way into one of them.</p>

<p>At this point I have literally no idea what to do. I hated high school, and I kept on by convincing myself that things would get better when I was finally out of there. At least there, though, I had a small group of very close friends, which made it bearable. This is incomparably worse.</p>

<p>I apologize for length and for the self-pitying tone; really, any advice would be wonderful.</p>

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<p>Try to find people who have classes with you and get together with them to do homework. I transferred here last semester and had the same issue, but started to do homework with people in my classes, and we would hang out after as well. Try talking to the people who sit next to you in class, I met a few people like that, and we all studied together and they brought their friends as well, faster than I knew, I was chilling with a group of 7 or so doing hw, after which we’d eat at late night or something.</p>

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<p>LOL I am in Lundgren now also, I was in Sherman last semester. Sherman was the opposite of Taft (as u described it); pindrop silence, 24 hour quiet hours. But yea, seems everyone knows eachother, the RA on my floor is cool though. I should have gone to the superbowl party, that might have been good for socializing, but had hw haha</p>

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<p>I am so sorry you are having a hard time so far in College… I’m glad you are asking the right questions and reaching out for help…Things WILL get better. First off, are you still seeing a therapist and staying on your medications? It is important that you continue to do so. There are mental health professionals on campus…you may need to get a relationship with someone on campus that can help you. Ask the mental health agency on campus about any group therapy they have on campus…Social skills group, transition to college group, homesickness group, mental health alliance group, etc. These are kids, like you, that need help getting acclimated and finding their niche. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, though I’m sure you feel that way right now. </p>

<p>Next, have you considered an engineering frat? Engineering kids are rarely known for their social skills, and an engineering frat MAY have other nice kids who have struggled socially. (not a slam at you or anyone else). Another idea is private housing…some of the houses tend to be small and Christian based, which may or may not be appropriate for you.</p>

<p>Next, how about research opportunities within the school of engineering? Sometimes the best way to meet kids and feel valued is when you are working together on a common goal. How about your engineering advisor? Honesty may be the best policy here…explain what you are looking for, and he may be able to point you in the right direction. </p>

<p>I know it’s tough out there…unfortunately, in a school like U of I, you may have to be a bit more outgoing to generally get things going, but most kids are generally friendly when given the opportunity. Order Pizza one night, and invite the next door neighbor. When you hear kids screwing around next door, just show up and laugh along with them, </p>

<p>Let me know how you do and what works for you!</p>

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<p>What about joining an organization and getting involved? Engineering Council is a great one. It’s social and people are very outgoing while EC does great work for the college like putting on EOH and the Engineering Career EXPO.</p>

<p>Also, have you met any other BioE’s? I know that there aren’t many, but BioE’s seem to frequently be very good friends with one another since they take lots of classes together.</p>

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<p>there is a bioengineers club as well</p>

<p>and yes it is true, if you hear some guys laughing, join them, check out whats going on. also there are many people here at lundgren who play video games (on my floor there are a few guys playing rock band or guitar hero on the regular) so you could perhaps check that out as well. </p>

<p>go to the events that we have at lundgren, a few weeks ago the RA came around and told us they had a videogame party at clark hall, so ask the RA to notify you about other events, likely the people coming to those are also looking to meet people. </p>

<p>even striking a conversation in the laundry room can yield results.</p>

7

<p>Astatine, you shouldn’t have any trouble bonding with Lithium, Sodium, Potassium, Rubidium or Cesium. :D</p>

<p>Lol I couldn’t resist. Sorry… sorry…</p>

8

<p>you left out hydrogen and francium… :(</p>