How Can I Solve This Problem?

College Search & Selection
1

<p>Okay, I have an odd problem with my parents.</p>

<p>I want to look at schools that are far away (6-7 hours by car at the most), and I realize that I will have no time to go to these places, so I just want to go to thier information sessions which are usually hosted at hotels or see them at college fairs. However, my parents won't let me do this, and they say that I must visit their campus instead.</p>

<p>My parents and I both realize that this is impossible. So, I am permanently prohibited from inquiring about any colleges whatsoever that are not within a couple of hours from my house. </p>

<p>Is there any way that I can convince my parents to take my own step toward my future and attend these sessions? </p>

<p>Any advice is greatly appreciated.</p>

2

<p>It sounds to me like your parents don’t want you to go far away for college. It may be a matter of finances - have you talked to them about that? If you can’t go visit, you can do a virtual tour on many school’s websites. I would ask your parents if there is something more to it.</p>

3

<p>Lots of people don’t visit schools until after they are accepted and have narrowed their choice down to one or two. But going to a local info session shouldn’t be an issue-unless your parents just don’t want you to apply anywhere that far from home. If that’s what they want, they should just say it directly.</p>

4

<p>Do you think this is a passive-aggressive way of letting you know that they do not approve of you going to those colleges? If so, who’s paying for college? If it’s your parents, then I’d suggest that you give them specific details about what these colleges have to offer that you can’t get from closer schools and try to convince them that you have good reason to want to attend. Maybe you can get them to come around. If you’ll be paying for college yourself or you can get sufficient financial aid to swing the COA without your parents’ help, then see if you can find someone else to take you to the college fairs. You can then visit after you’re accepted.</p>

5

<p>Your parents have set up this parameter because they want you to stay within about 3 hours from home.</p>

<p>How much will your parents be contributing towards your college? Will they pay their entire EFC? More? less? If they will be paying very little, or none, their opinion doesn’t really matter that much (sorry, that’s my opinion, and I’m a mom).</p>

<p>However, if they will be paying for your college costs, then you have to consider their opinions.</p>

<p>You just need to ask them…what is their big issue? distance? money? what?</p>

<p>What are your stats? Perhaps if some further away college would give you lots of merit money, they may change their minds… :)</p>

6

<p>Information sessions don’t help as much as you think they would.</p>

7

<p>Hmmm…</p>

<p>Passive-agressive behavior? Just what I suspected. Glad to know that I’m not being overly-critical.</p>

<p>I wish that they would just tell me why they are placing such restrictions on me. I would much rather have a set in stone law than this sad situation I have now.</p>

<p>I worked for years to develop a college list, figure out where my stats line up with respective colleges, study the ACT/SAT/AP/Subject tests to help with my ability to obtain admission to more prestigious institutions and for the sake of obtaining scholarship money, and now I can’t properly express interest in colleges that I have an interest in due to my parents just now sweeping in to make my past 2 years of work void.</p>

<p>Sorry for the whine, but I don’t know how to get my parents to approach the rest of my life rationally. Any advice?</p>

8

<p>How much will your parents be contributing towards your college? </p>

<p>(Have they given you an amount that they will be paying each year? If not, why not?)</p>

<p>Will they pay their entire EFC? More? less? </p>

<p>What is their income?</p>

<p>If they will be paying very little, or none, towards your college costs then their opinion doesn’t really matter that much (sorry, that’s my opinion, and I’m a mom). The fact is that you’ll be over 18, and if they won’t be contributing, then you can go wherever you want as long as you can get costs covered.</p>

<p>However, if they will be paying for your college costs, then you have to consider their opinions.</p>

<p>What are your stats? </p>

<p>Perhaps if some further away college would give you lots of merit money, they may change their minds… </p>

<p>we can give you better advice after you answer these questions… :)</p>

<p><<<<
You just need to ask them…what is their big issue? distance? money? what?
<<<<</p>

<p>But…along with answering the above questions, you do need to sit them both down at the same time and ask for a straight-up answer if it’s distance, money, or what.</p>

9

<p>^Whoops… sorry about that.</p>

<p>Okay</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Have no financial need (just believe me on this one), so I would be relying on parental payment for many places. However, I would be more than willing to get a part-time job or two in addition to my savings. That would bring total parent cost down to $70,000 at most, which is still a ton. I could see problems here, but this is less than tuition at the state university which they offered to pay in full. They have not stated how much they will be willing to pay toward another university.</p></li>
<li><p>Basic stats are:</p></li>
</ol>

<p>31 ACT/2100 SAT</p>

<p>3.65 GPA (no weights at my school)</p>

<p>Toughest curriculum available, has gone above and beyond with AP self-study</p>

<p>Top 20% in microscopicly small class (less than 90)</p>

<p>5 - AP Human Geo
4 - AP Gov
4 - APUSH
3 - APWH</p>

<p>God-Awful SAT II’s</p>

<p>Good extracurrics </p>

<ol>
<li>I’ve tried asking whether they care about further away colleges, and they say no at first, then they nit-pick whatever place that I like. For instance, I really like Bucknell because it has the small atmosphere I’m looking for, but they thought it would be less reputable because it doesn’t have a “business school”, just business degrees. I’m doing business/engineering double.</li>
<li></li>
</ol>

<p>2.</p>

10

<p>I doubt the major issue here is the additional travel costs of attending a distant college. It may be that they can’t bear to have you go far away. Or, it may be that they can afford to spend more for a private college, but don’t want to. Maybe they want you to go to Ohio State?</p>

<p>There are lots of good schools in Ohio and neighboring areas. How far away is Rose-Hulman (Indiana) for example? Even if it has little appeal, maybe it would be a good idea to make a visit WITH your parents to get some dialog going based on first-hand observations of what a smaller, private college has to offer. I’m assuming you’re not a senior and so you have some time for this.</p>

<p>Be sure to check out merit scholarships. Also the possibility of getting advanced standing and graduating in 3 not 4 years if you have lots of AP credit.</p>

11

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<ol>
<li>Basic stats are: 31 ACT/2100 SAT</li>
</ol>

<p>3.65 GPA (no weights at my school)</p>

<p><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<</p>

<p>What is your SAT breakdown?</p>

<p>I’m still not sure what you’re saying. Are you saying that they’ve indicated that they will pay for tuition, room, board for only a state school that’s not too far away (about $25k per year)? Or, have they said that they will also pay for a private that is close (about $50k per year)? I’m trying to figure out if it’s the distance, or if it’s the money for a private, or is it that they don’t want to spend $200k on a private that they don’t like.</p>

<p>I know that you want “small,” but let me tell you why small isn’t always good. When you go to a small U, then typically they don’t have 2 or more profs teaching the same course. That becomes a problem when you don’t like a prof (or hear bad things about a prof), and he teaches a class that you have to take. At larger schools, you often have a choice that allows you to avoid such a prof (not always, but frequently).</p>

<p>Also, larger schools have a wider variety of programs (business and eng’g) and have more choices for facilities (eating venues, better dorms, better rec facilities). Even if you’re not “into” watching sports, larger schools have a more fun atmosphere if they have some good teams. (I know that my older son didn’t really care about college football, until he started going to a school with a ranked team. LOL )</p>

<p>Many larger schools have honors programs that give you the benefits of a smaller school, while having the benefits of a larger school.</p>

<p>I can tell you right now, that there are colleges that you could get free tuition for with your stats, but they are larger schools. I don’t want you to have to burden yourself with some demanding part-time job to pay your way. I think a part-time job during the school year should be a few hours a week for “pocket money.” Money earned in the summer can be for school, though.</p>

<p>My sons’ school would give you free tuition plus an extra $2500 per year for your stats if you major in Engineering. :slight_smile: It has a good engineering school and a good business school (an actual business school) :slight_smile: </p>

<p>That said, I’m thinking that you’re a boy; is that right? Are you a senior or a junior?</p>

<p>Let me ask you this…is it possible that your parents don’t think you can take care of yourself, and it would be too hard for them to “help” if you’re too far away? Are you the type to lose things, and/or can’t find things, and/or can be a bit “spacey”? I’m just asking because there have been parents on this board with such kids, and they have been petrified at the thought of such a kid being too far away.</p>

12

<p>Where did your parents go to school? I think all parents want their kids to go further in life… but sometimes it’s frightening when it actually starts to happen. If you sit them down (and, if you have siblings who could help you, get them in on it too), and talk openly, you may discover what their fears are, and be able to reassure them. You also might talk to your guidance counselor and see if he/she can help. You sound very mature and thoughtful, and I suspect they’re proud of your abilities…but something is holding them back. You can find ‘proof’ that Bucknell, for instance, is a great school-- USNWR rankings, grad school acceptances, etc. You can ask them to accompany you to at least one distant school you like, let them ask all the questions they like so they can satisfy themselves.</p>

<p>I bet they’ll come around, or at least come to a compromise. If not, family counseling might be a help. It’s your life, you’ve worked hard for it, and you deserve to know at least the true reason for their wariness, so you can find something that works for all… (you do all want the same thing).</p>

13

<p>Thanks for all the advice, everybody.</p>

<p>@tk21679- Miami of Ohio is the school that they want me to go to. Probably about $30k/yr, and I am unlikely to get any merit aid. However, for many of the private Uni’s, I think I could bring the price tag down to this level our lower ($70k is actually what I consider to be my “debt limit”)</p>

<p>@Gwen Fairfax- I’ll have to try doing that. It might work, especially since I know my guidance counselor so well. Also, one parent is a Miami alumnus, other went to a mid-sized Catholic school.</p>

<p>@Mom2collegekids- Thanks so much for your help :slight_smile:

  • Yes, you are correct in assuming that I am male, unable to find anything, and spacey. I didn’t realize this could be such a concern for my parents, because I really do consider myself to be responsible. However, I do get the vibe from then that they think I am “incompetent”, despite what I have accomplished and am currently doing (my word, not theirs…).</p>

<p>Honors colleges are something that I have been putting a great deal of emphasis on, especially considering that I am borderline for Miami’s and that the program would be the only way that I could really enjoy the university IMO.</p>

<p>Very good point about small schools; coming from a school that is extremely small I understand the problems with schools of a small size. It’s nice to know that honors colleges can really make a school “smaller”, but I’ve still got the “big school fear”. Stupid, I know :)</p>

<p>SAT breakdown in 670 CR/680 M/750 W.</p>

14

<p>Did you apply ED to WUStL? Or am I confusing you with someone else?</p>

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<p>Honors colleges are something that I have been putting a great deal of emphasis on, especially considering that I am borderline for Miami’s and that the program would be the only way that I could really enjoy the university IMO.</p>

<p>Very good point about small schools; coming from a school that is extremely small I understand the problems with schools of a small size. It’s nice to know that honors colleges can really make a school “smaller”, but I’ve still got the “big school fear”. Stupid, I know</p>

<p>SAT breakdown in 670 CR/680 M/750 W.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<</p>

<p>Ok…we may have some insight into their thinking. Yes, parents do worry about their kids going “far away” when they seem to be a bit unorganized and “spacey” :)</p>

<p>Yes, you get good grades, so you may think that should prove to them that you’re responsible, but they may be thinking that they’ve had to help in various areas - such as helping your find lost things or being “resourceful” when faced with various problems (I don’t know if that last issue applies, but it does apply to some kids).</p>

<p>So, the answer is… try to demonstrate some organization. It will take some time to develop some good habits, but you can do it!!! :slight_smile: Show your parents that you’re ready to go to college anywhere!! :)</p>

<p>Designate certain places to keep specific things - Develop routines - for instance:

  • as soon as you get home from school, put your things where they belong
  • keep all school stuff together, then fill your backpack at night with homework and textbooks, and then put it by the door with anything else you need to take to school.<br>
  • Put your wallet, keys, cell phone in one designated place all the time (perhaps in a basket near the phone charger), so you’re not hunting for them. (I have sons, I know this works!)</p>

<p>Clean up after yourself - don’t leave laundry on the floor (there’s this invention called a hamper :wink: ), throw away empty soda cans, put away things that you use, (you get my drift :slight_smile: )</p>

<p>Do chores without being asked/reminded. Do extra chores without being asked! :slight_smile: (You’ll be amazed at how this will change your parents opinions!! LOL )</p>

<p>Make sure that you’re getting yourself up every morning (many parents fear that their child will sleep thru classes w/o mom waking them up.)</p>

<p>Go to bed at a “decent” hour each night without being told (another fear of parents)</p>

<p>Seriously, if you want to convince your parents that you can handle the adult responsibility of going far away to school, then you need to model the adult behavior. :)</p>

<p>Now…back to the college choice issue :)</p>

<p>My kids come from a small Catholic High school, so I think we were all concerned about how size would affect them (Their U has about 23k undergrads.) They are both in the honors college. That has really helped them get that “small college within a big college feel.”</p>

<p>Many schools (including big schools) tend to have many “ice breaker” activities during the days before school begins to make new friends and to become more familiar with the campus before school begins. My kids’ school has over 40 different activities for incoming freshmen - including a camping and canoeing adventure.</p>

<p>Also, large schools tend to be set up in a logical fashion with buildings clustered according to majors for instance - science and engineering buildings in one section of the campus. This helps “shrink” the school for students. </p>

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<p>I’m not sure what you mean here. Are you considering borrowing up to $70k in student loans to go away to school? If so, do you realize that repayment on such a debt would be over $800.00 a month for ten years? That would be quite a burden on your life during the ages of 23-33. </p>

<p>But, maybe I’m misunderstanding what your wrote :)</p>

<p>Are your parents wanting you to go to an in-state public (like MU Ohio), because the price is reasonable, and it’s close?</p>

15

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<p>I think you have the right person, but I haven’t done it yet. I would really like to, though, and its academic quality paired with its relatively close location may let my parents allow me to do this. Although, I doubt I’ll have to worry about getting in with my stats :)</p>

<p>Also- I’ll have to try doing some of your ideas; they sound great (and easy)!!! Some of it I already do, but things like extra chores I do rarely. So yeah, looks like I’ll be dusting tommorow ;)</p>

<p>And, Mom2collegekids, I do have to admit that large schools are starting to grow on me. I noticed your kids attend U Alabama, and I am applying there (looks awesome :)). I’ve also been asking friends and family that currently attend large uni’s about the size issue, and they have been basically saying that “You can always make a large school small, but you can’t make a small school large!!!”. Guess that there’s a lot of truth to this, so thanks so much for the additional reassurance.</p>

<p>As for the money issue… </p>

<p>I assumed that my parents implied that the amount to attend Miami was the amount they were willing to put toward my education in general. I would have to make up the difference.</p>

<p>Again, Mom2collegekids, thanks so much for your advice. It has been wonderfully helpful for me. :)</p>

16

<p>Where in Ohio do you live?</p>

17

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<p>And, Mom2collegekids, I do have to admit that large schools are starting to grow on me. I noticed your kids attend U Alabama, and I am applying there (looks awesome ). I’ve also been asking friends and family that currently attend large uni’s about the size issue, and they have been basically saying that “You can always make a large school small, but you can’t make a small school large!!!”. Guess that there’s a lot of truth to this, so thanks so much for the additional reassurance.</p>

<p>As for the money issue… </p>

<p>I assumed that my parents implied that the amount to attend Miami was the amount they were willing to put toward my education in general. I would have to make up the difference.</p>

<p><<<<<<<<<</p>

<p>Glad to help you anytime :)</p>

<p>Ok…so you think you might be able to count on your parents paying for the same amount that they would pay at Miami Oxford, right?</p>

<p>Well, that’s about $25k, I think. Is that right? Well, if you end up at Alabama, you’ll save them some money! That should make them happy. :slight_smile: They’ll have more money for your grad school. :)</p>

<p>And with the scholarships that you’ll get, you won’t have to pay anything yourself, if your parents can contribute for your dorm, books, food, and misc.</p>

<p>Happy to hear that you’re applying to The University of Alabama! :)</p>

<p>You need to put down that you’ll be majoring in engineering so that you’ll get that engineering scholarship which will “bump” your tuition scholarship up to full OOS tuition PLUS and extra $2500 per year. </p>

<p>You can still double major in the Business School or minor or whatever you want! :)</p>

<p>The below two scholarships would be given to you as long as you do the school app and the scholarship app Dec 1. Believe me, the apps are easy and quick - no essays :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Alabama uses formula admissions - as long as you have the minimum required college prep curriculum, the GPA, and the SAT/ACT scores, you’re in and you get the scholarships as long as you do the apps by Dec 1.</p>

<p>Out-of-State Students - Engineering Scholarship</p>

<p>Students who have a 30-31 ACT or 1330-1390 SAT (math and verbal scores only) and at least a 3.5 cumulative GPA ** will receive a tuition supplement to bring their University-level scholarship offer up to the value of tuition. In addition, they will receive $2,500 per year for four years. **</p>

<p>Out-of State Students Scholarship - University Level</p>

<p>Students who have a 30-31 ACT or 1330-1390 SAT (critical reading and mathematics scores only) and at least a 3.5 cumulative GPA will receive two-thirds the cost of tuition for four years. </p>

<p>I don’t know if you’ve looked at the links I’ve provided elsewhere, so here are some…</p>

<p>School Website [The</a> University of Alabama](<a href=“Page Not Found | The University of Alabama”>http://ua.edu/)</p>

<p>Culverhouse College of Commerce and Business [The</a> Culverhouse College of Commerce and Business Administration](<a href=“http://www.cba.ua.edu/]The”>http://www.cba.ua.edu/)</p>

<p>College of Engineering - [College</a> of Engineering - The University of Alabama](<a href=“http://www.eng.ua.edu/]College”>http://www.eng.ua.edu/)</p>

<p>Honors Housing : [Housing</a> & Residential Communities - The University of Alabama](<a href=“http://housing.ua.edu/ridgecrestsouth.cfm]Housing”>http://housing.ua.edu/ridgecrestsouth.cfm) here’s an example of my DS2’s dorm…scroll down for all pics. These are “super suites” - each kid has his own private room in a 4 bedroom “super suite” with a living room, kitchenette, and 2 bathrooms. </p>

<p>Virtual Tour - [Campus</a> Tour - The University of Alabama](<a href=“Page Not Found | The University of Alabama”>http://tour.ua.edu/)</p>

<p>** An out-of-state student who goes to UA recently posted on CC that… “UA is recruiting for the best and brightest students nationwide. For many students, it is the money that first interests us in Alabama, we visit, and then we get hooked.” **</p>

<p>I hope that you can come and visit :)</p>

18

<p>Meh, twenty minutes and a computer attached to the internet will do so much more for you than an information session. I also wouldn’t allow my offspring to travel six or seven hours much less spend money on hotels to see an information session regardless of how I felt about them attending a school far from home.</p>