Hi! I have been accepted to Iowa State and the University of Alabama, both with great scholarships. In total, both even out to cost about the same. However, I live about 3 hours from Iowa State, and 12 from Alabama. My parents are not a huge fan of the drive/flight time and cost. My mom also wants me to be closer to home, although she wont outright say it. I have visited both campuses, and while both are beautiful, I feel Alabama is more my type.My point is, how do I convince my parents that going to Alabama is a better option, both for now and for my future?
How about if you earn the money for your flights to offset the cost difference? That would show your parents that you are serious and se willing to invest your own money.
I already have money liked that saved @intparent and I have told them happily that I will pay for flights. It’s honestly not so much the cost, it’s more the 12 hour drive and the flight.
It is normal for parents not to want their kids too far away. How mature are you? Have you caused your parents grief in high school? If not then you may have them look at the University of Alabama threads here on CC. A lot of parents from outside the south post there and share their experiences.
Have they said no to Alabama? Is there some academic advantage you can point to at Alabama?
I am very mature for my age, and very responsible. We visited the past weekend and listened to a parent panel, and I felt they were taking to the idea, but now that we are home, they almost refuse to talk about Alabama, paying my deposit fee, and housing options. @TomSrOfBoston
They have not said no, and will not outright say it, but would obviously rather I attend Iowa State. Both schools are pretty similar in my major and neither has a real advantage academically. @intparent
You sound like a fantastic kid! Have they laid out specific concerns other than they just don’t want you far away?
The most specific concern is “you’ll miss your friends and us”, which honestly, to me, is not that big of a concern. I have spent 10 days without any contact to friends or family and I also have spent 3 weeks without contact the past 2 summers. While I know this is not comparable to 4 months, in college I will still have a phone. I am not as close as some people are with their parents, and while I know I will miss them and my friends, either way I will not be in the same city as them or any of my good friends. But otherwise, not any other specific concerns. @carachel2
I think you should reassure them that you love them and will miss them, but also that you can and will call regularly and come home for breaks. Tell them that this is important to you, and you would like to move forward with the deposits.
Have you set them up with Skype or an equivalent yet? If not, explain how it works and arrange to talk to them at a regular time each week when you are away. Remind them that if you are ‘too homesick’ you can always Skype them. You won’t miss your high school friends (much) because you will have new friends and can Skype/Facebook/Snapchap your old friends - and see them on the holidays. And if it really is a mistake, you can transfer.
If they have some other concern besides ‘it’s far’ then they need to lay those concerns on the table now. Secrets are not healthy. If not, they need to not jerk you around by allowing you to apply to places they weren’t prepared to allow you to attend. That’s dishonest If the answer is 'we were wrong to let you apply (and did it because we didn’t think you’d get enough money to attend anywhere else)" then they need to own up to poor behavior and admit their own insecurity by saying ‘no’ and not pretending that this is ‘your decision’ or guilting you into the decision they want. They need to own the ‘no.’ If they don’t want to do that, then they need to honor the decision you’ve made. In short, it’s time for straight talk.
OP- one of my kids was very far away at one point for a job.
Did I like it? no. Did I agree that it was a once in a lifetime professional opportunity? Yes. Did I think it was a good idea when I first heard about it? No. Did I get on board once my kid explained to me what the upsides were, why it was better to do it at an early age rather than down the road with family commitments and kids schooling to worry about, why it was a fantastic opportunity to live somewhere cool and different? Absolutely.
Did I worry about the distance once it actually happened? Not as much as I’d anticipated. Nothing makes a parent happier than a kid who is taking advantage of a tremendous opportunity, working hard, learning to live in a different place, coping nicely with the unexpected, etc.
Why do I tell you this?
You need to make the case for moving far away. Not just “I want to be there”, but a package of ALL the reasons why it will be a great opportunity for you. Don’t minimize. Concede that you will be homesick at times. But put together a rationale for why this is the right time for you to move somewhere new, the opportunities you will have, the upside to being far from home.
I agree with the point above that it would have been better if your parents had spoken up earlier before you applied instead of after acceptances. But know that they are really saying that THEY will miss YOU. The more you can reassure them that you will stay in close contact, the better.
I’m confused…are you saying it takes 12 hours for you to fly to 'Bama? Really?
It’s a 12 hour drive! I’ll probably end up flying for breaks but I don’t know the exact time/cost @thumper1
Thanks guys! @N’s mom @intparent @blossom
I was lucky that both my kids chose schools within a couple hour drive (though they applied to places across the country). It is true that short breaks will be a MUCH bigger pain for you to get home. Maybe that’s what they are worried about; that you may skip some of those breaks. And it’s true, maybe you will. So do as much research as you can into transportation schedules, break lengths, etc. and be honest with yourself and them about how it will affect things. Then give them the solid reasons you want to go to Alabama, and show how excited you are about the opportunity. I think they’ll come around, even if they don’t like it.
Given the costs are equal, you need to be happy. Parents adapt. Ultimately, parents want happiness for their children and they’ll ultimately come to terms with you being away physically. Just let them know you’ll keep in touch often and there are many ways to be close other than to be nearby. I moved from Pittsburgh to DC to Florida. My mom is a widow (dad died when I was 6 months old) and she ultimately adapted with my long distance move. If I were in your shoes, I’d be Bama bound, without hesitation. Good Luck !!
We’ve talked about breaks a little, and I think we have come to the conclusion that I would only return for winter and summer breaks, as Alabama stays open for most other breaks due too the large number of out of state! Thank you for the help! @donnaleighg
Have you researched the differences and similarities of the schools?
http://www.collegedata.com/cs/data/college/college_pg02_tmpl.jhtml?schoolId=469
http://www.collegedata.com/cs/data/college/college_pg02_tmpl.jhtml?schoolId=1784
Most dorms at Bama close for spring break, too. Once you’re off campus (for most that’s after freshman year), dorm closures are not a consideration.