How did I do on this SAT Essay.

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

Hi everyone.

I am pouring over the SAT here, and am torturing myself with the writing section.
I do not have access to a grader, and this is my last-ditch effort to see what I can improve with my writing.

If you can grade this essay below, then it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!

Prompt: Does questioning authority make a society stronger?

Ever since history was first recorded by mankind on clay tablets and bones, man has always kept a written record of history and achievements. Examining these records closely, it is evident that mankind’s ability to question authority has always been ubiquitous throughout the various societies that it composed. Questioning authority makes a society stronger as shown by the fragility of the political system in the Soviet Union, in which questioning authority warranted imprisonment, death, or exile, and in my personal classroom experiences as well.

The Soviet Union was founded in 1917 after the Bolshiveks rebelled against the rule of Czar Nicholas II. Shortly afterwards, they instituted a 1-party legislature and were ruled by Vladimir Lenin’s dictatorial rule. Nobody wanted to question authority for fear of imprisonment or even death. There were many holes in the framework of Soviet society where production of food did not meet the demands of the people (creating famine). This trend of poor food access for most of the citizens of the Soviet Union and fear of questioning authority continued into the 80’s until Gorbachev became the leader. He instituted a policy of “glasnost” (“openness”), allowing people to question authority. However, food shortages still persisted, and the newly empowered people started to question the Soviet Union’s political system and its disability in providing food for its citizens. Due to the weakness of the Soviet Union in facing criticism after suppressing it for 7 decades, the Soviet Union swiftly fell apart. However, allowing active questioning of authority might have enabled it to survive even longer.

In my own experience, questioning teachers led to the improved quality of discussions and also content presented. For example, my AP World History teacher was talking about the “Young Turks,” (a political party in Turkey in its early history) and she mentioned that they “were reformers>” She did not mention that the Young Turks were responsible for the Armenian Genocide at all! I politely questioned her line of reasoning in class, and this started a large discussion regarding points of view on history. She disagreed with me, but others joined in, favoring my argument more. The next time she taught class, she mentioned that she had checked the facts in order to present the right version of history. She also allowed for more discussions, and the quality of her teaching improved.

Many examples make it evident that questioning authority makes society stronger. In the example of the Soviet Union, it was a society that suppressed the questioning of authority, and it fell apart with the open questioning of once-suppressed citizens. Thus, it is seen that suppressing the questioning of authority makes the society weaker and more vulnerable to failure. Additionally, the example of the AP World History lesson shows that questioning authority improves a society, making it stronger.

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Well this is a much better prompt!
Right away I like your introduction, however, the wording sounds unnatural. Your content is great!! But it reads choppy. Like your first sentence, I don’t think you need both parts. You might be able to combine them more naturally…hmm…
Maybe instead “The first historical documents prove that mankind has a desire to learn and remember past events and achievements. When examining these records closely, it is obvious that man’s innate ability to question, especially those in authority, has been dominant throughout history . This inherent desire has been found in every society mankind has ever composed, and is still ubiquitous today. Mankind has continuously questioned authority in an effort to change society for the better, and this questioning, whether it be by the disgruntled Russian society under the Soviet Union, or by a curious student in a history classroom, makes society stronger.”

That’s veryyyy rough, but I just tried to make it a little more natural. But like I said, ur content is really really great. :slight_smile:

Your first example is great too! Very knowledgable! However I would get rid of any parentheses, and just say “, which created famine.” Or “‘Glasnost’, or openness, allowing…”
And you could say, “When food shortages still persisted, Russian society took advantage of Glasnost, and began actively questioning its political system.” I don’t know I thought that sounded better.

And I don’t quite understand the ending of the first example. You say that Glasnost helped the weak Soviet Union survive longer, but then if fell apart. Maybe take a different angle and say (like you do in your conclusion), that the open questioning made a weak society fall, and a new, fair, one begin in its place. That is more consistent with you say that questioning makes a society stronger.

I think your second essay is great!! It’s a really good example to use, and is well-worded and very natural. One minor point! I know you were obviously right in this instance, but try to avoid sounding too “know-it-all”-ish. Not that you Do, but I wouldn’t want a reader to misinterpret!!

And your conclusion is great! Although maybe change your final sentence, make it more obvious that it is the end of the essay. So maybe “Also, the example of the AP world History lesson proves that even when a small ‘society’ dares to question its ‘leader,’ both can emerge as a stronger, more united group.”
Obviously that’s VERY rough, but that’s just to give you an idea! And you can play with the difference in the examples, like how you were in a small classroom, whereas in the other example it had a whole country of people! Because that difference proves your point! Even those they are such drastically different examples, the claim that questioning authority makes society stronger was proven in both! So great examples! Seriously! :))

But I’d give your essay an 11! It’s deifnitely improved, and considering they grade it as a rough draft, I think you are going to do really well! Just remember to be natural and concise, and stay consistent with your thesis! :slight_smile:

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Thanks for the help.

What I am trying to say is that “glasnost” made citizens question the soviet union, and the soviet union fell apart as it was so rotten from not being questioned that it could not deal with the citizens at all.

Then, I go on to say that “had the soviet union allowed questioning, it might have survived even longer.”

Hope that clears up the misconception.

I do not think that I can rewrite this as I was cramming words onto the sheet of paper (one on top of the other towards the end. Were I writing this for school, then I would rewrite it.