How did your son or daughter make his or her decision? Having trouble here....

<p>Son is in the fortunate position of being able to make a decision without regard to cost. Given that fact, April should be easy going, or at least one would think so. But here we are heading towards the end of the month and our son honestly doesn't know which school to accept. He was waitlisted at Brown, which was his first choice and a disappointment. He is staying on the waitlist there, but clearly understands that it's more important to look seriously at his other schools and make a decision.</p>

<p>Our son is considering three schools. He is now in the middle of a visit to Tufts; he saw Chicago last week. Last fall he was able to see Emory and sit in on a class during the fall semester. So often, I hear about students who pay a visit to campus and "fall in love" with a given school. This is how they make their final decision. That didn't happen to son. He can see good and bad things about all three schools. He likes some things better at one campus and some things better at the other, but there has been no parting of the curtains of heaven, no trumpets sounding to clue him in on where he should go. He had made lists of pros and cons and spoken with people who go to the schools. My guess is that he could now make a list with one school ranked a tiny bit lower and the other two tied just above.</p>

<p>Should we be concerned that son didn't bond immediately when visiting his likely schools? Is it possible to have so-so feelings when you see a campus, sit down and choose a college for reasons on paper, and then go there in the fall and have it work? Or is this a sign, he's in serious trouble? At one point in this process, he raised the question whether he had applied to the "right" schools.</p>

<p>Are there other students out there who visited campuses in April and didn't get any sense of a clear first choice? If so, how did you make your decision? </p>

<p>Son has always been an analytical kind of kid; his emotional attachments come slowly. It took almost a year for Brown to become his first choice. He's not the kind to fall head over heels in love with a person or insitution, but once he develops an attachment it is very firm. I am thinking this agonizing process is actually more a reflection on him, his way of handling decisions, rather than on any college per se. </p>

<p>Are we the only ones experiencing this, and what can we do to make this choice easier for him (and for us)?</p>

<p>P.S. I spoke with son on the phone just now, and he says we should lock him in his room without food for a number of hours, and not let him out till a decision is reached. He said this in jest, BUT......</p>

<p>I asked my son if, in 10 years, he would regret not attending school X. When he immediately said no he realized he should go to the other school.<br>
I don't think it's a bad sign. The way you've described him it sounds as if he'll be fine no matter where he ends up. My son had a friend that couldn't decide and literally drew straws to decide. She's a sophomore and very happy. If there's not one he's in love with then he will probably be happy wherever he goes.</p>

<p>Straws? Really? Wow...I never realized anyone did that. I do believe people can be happy in a lot of different places. I just wish I could communicate that to him somehow.</p>

<p>Perhaps this might help?</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=51596%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=51596&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>And I wouldn't worry that he didn't "fall in love" with a particular school. Very often, that is similar to infatuation. I think too many people have the idea that there is only "one" right school - The One. With the benefit of hindsight provided by my S' Katrina experience - two schools in two semesters and another on the horizon due to forced transfer (Tulane eliminating his major), I can see that it is otherwise for many kids. DS loves Tulane, loved Bates (VERY different schools in so many ways) and is likely to love wherever he eventually transfers.</p>

<p>Good luck in your son's decision process and keep us posted.</p>

<p>Cami, my son kept us in suspense until April 30 last year. He truly struggled with the decision, and each of the final three schools was equivalent in terms of selectivity. In the end, H and I pretty much persuaded him to choose the option which was closest geographically, and slightly (VERY slightly!!!) better financially. He still had a hard time saying "no" to the other two schools. He is very analytical, like your son, so it finally had to come down to very minor differences. He is now so happy I can't believe it, and I can't imagine him anywhere else. I think I'd feel similarly if he had gone to one of the other two last choices. So, in the end, I would suggest looking at smaller issues, like travel convenience, dorm conditions, other non-critical matters.</p>

<p>You might want to encourage him to participate -- or at least read- the admitted student boards for the colleges he is considering. I only have limited experience, but I found the flavor of discussion at boards very different for the schools. (My son's admitted student board was full of bright kids from typical high schools who wanted to discuss Proust; my daughter's admitted student board is full of amazing kids from all corners of the world who want to talk about Gilmore Girls) </p>

<p>I think this is only a limited view -- but it does give an added wrinkle, and essentially gives the student a preview of who his classmates are going to be.</p>

<p>Maybe college selection is a little like personal love relationships: we all know that those crazy, love at first sight experiences don't necessarily portend greater longevity. Even arranged marriages can turn out to be wonderful.</p>

<p>Your post also reminds me of my son's very close friend, who applied ED to Brown and did not get in. While she had other very good choices, she had a rough time making a decsion, and evenutally, tho with misgivings, chose Tufts. Having just spoken with her Mom, I hear that she absolutely loves her school. She has made good friends, is truly happy with her academics and ec's, and the whole notion of other schools seems to be completely off her radar screen. So, I really think that, while it must be hard to see your son struggle with this decision, 6 months from now, he will very likely think things turned out very much for the best.</p>

<p>My S made his decision on April 29 with a May 1 deadline. It may take awhile, but eventually the decision will be made. As the time approaches for school, the excitement will build.</p>

<p>Sounds to me like he is a very deliberate, thoughtful kid and this decision is especially hard because he's having to metabolize the disappointment of not-Brown while there is still that vague wait list hope in the wings. If Tufts doesn't win him over, maybe he could try drawing one of three names out of a hat over three days and make himself spend the entire day imagining he had decided on that school--if he makes some notes at the end of each day, then compares all three,maybe something will emerge that is helpful. He will no doubt make an efficient decision when the deadline is upon him. And I agree with others here that these are all great schools and he will be in love with whereever he chooses a year from now. There really isn't a "wrong" choice, which is what creates the dilemma...Good luck waiting it out...</p>

<p>i know it's trivial, but in order to make decisions in the past, i've flipped a coin-the sensation that you get immediately after the result (joy or a sinking stomach) often tells you what your brain didn't yet realize.</p>

<p>obviously this is not a be-all, end-all decision maker but may help him zero in on a school or eliminate one, and he could then decide based on, er...more logical means!!!</p>

<p>Well, on a practical level, Cami, make sure you know when the last minute is for each of the contestant schools ... and where the Fedex box is. Oh, and that your car is gassed up and ready to go on the 29th!</p>

<p>Cami, Tufts definitely has the most similarity Brown... But I think the advice you have here is true: there's no such thing as a "wrong" answer, he'll love any of the three. The thread jmmom cited has a good idea-- where you pretend to pick one and live with it for the day... see how it feels...</p>

<p>So many people say that Tufts is similar to Brown. Help me out here ... I just don't see it, and we visited Brown three times and Tufts twice. In fact, our last tour guide at Brown had transferred from Tufts and found them incredibly different - in his opinion after living both, Tufts was much more pre-professional, competitive, and structured (three year language requirement) etc.
I'm truly curious about what the similarities are deemed to be.
As an aside - I liked both schools a lot!</p>

<p>key here is to not get too amped up over this. . . your son really can't lose. . .that should be top of mind for both of you</p>

<p>My analytic son didn't even feel visiting the school was needed before he accepted the school & he doesn't plan to visit until he moves in. He has driven around this school but hasn't even done that for several of the schools he applied to & might have accepted if circumstances turned out differently.
Another friend's son refused to look at schools & applied without seeing the school & saw it for the 1st time when he moved in. He's quite happy at Whitman.
Folks can "fit" & be happy wherever they decide they will be. I'm sure all our kids will make good choices and be happy. If not, that's what the option to transfer is for. <grin> :)</grin></p>

<p>Last year at this time, my son was deep into college visits and trying to make a decision. He debated and considered, weighed the pros and cons and was still uncertain. Then, he decided, two days before the decision was due, to stop thinking about it. When he told me this, I almost panicked. However, after a day of not thinking about it, his decision was made. Sometimes everything just needs some time to be left alone and settle, so to speak. He didn't "fall in love" with any school. But he is extremely happy where he ended up.</p>

<p>Maybe he could try imagining that he has made the decision. Pick one. Really imagine that he will be going there -- only there-- final. See if he is unhappy with his choice. If he is, what is it he is unhappy about? Then do the next one, etc. Could he do an exercise like this? Is he very good at knowing his feelings? Maybe he is being too analytical. Maybe he needs to "be' with his emotions.</p>

<p>Prayer and sleeping on it worked for my son!</p>

<p>atlantamom, I like that advice.</p>

<p>You know what REALLY makes things easier for a kid? If mom & dad quit nagging and offering up helpful suggestions. ;)</p>

<p>May 1 is a Monday. The acceptance needs to be postmarked that day. Five years ago my son waited until the last day, or close to it -- so in addition to mailing we also FAXED the acceptance card and EMAILED admissions with a "yes". I don't remember exactly. It got done. </p>

<p>Give the kid a deadline you can live with, as close to May 1st as you can stomach. Tell the kid in no uncertain terms any limits you have as to which school you will pay for & how much. Then back off. </p>

<p>It doesn't matter. If the kid can't make up his mind, it's because they are all good choices. In the end the kid will figure it out.</p>

<p>This worked really well for me - I had a firm decision from my daughter within about 4 days after I decided to shut up about the whole thing. It was hard to resist the temptation to quiz her about the college visits, but I bit my tongue and settled for the vague answers I got in response to the question, "so how did it go today?" By the end of the week, she was nagging ME about sending in the deposit.</p>

<p>If you don't believe my advice, I'd suggest asking this question on the kids' board -- maybe start a thread entitled, "How much help do you need from parents to decide?"</p>