<p>Exie- I’m glad to hear you opened the envelope too. </p>
<p>As soon as it arrived, I wanted to take the packet to my daughter at school. But if it was bad news, I wanted to let her deal with that after school. I thought it was probably good news. It was thick and delivered by Fed Ex., but I had not yet discovered CC so I hadn’t heard about how the various schools notified their admits. (And of course, we adults were dying to know too.) So eventually I did it…I opened it. But I didn’t seal it back up. I just rushed over to the school and had her called out of class and handed it to her. Of course, I apologized and told her why. She didn’t seem to care, thankfully. She carried it around with her for the rest of the day.</p>
<p>I admit it…I am a terrible mother. I allowed my d to stay home from school. My d seldom missed school and she asked to stay home. </p>
<p>She got her first acceptance right after midnight so she sleep well. Another acceptance came in the early morning hours. She logged on, saw that she was accepted and went back to sleep, not telling me a thing. Another school we didnt have the info to log in so we didnt know until Saturday that she was accepted.</p>
<p>The hardest was Deerfield. They only send snail mail and it was her number one choice. We waited a full 2 days more for that news.</p>
<p>I do not envy this part of the process. I am glad that college letters will go to bs. I know what you are thinking…yep I am a wimp–lol</p>
<p>I wish I had done that. Some teacher’s had been telling the other students she was being “sent away because her parents didn’t love her.” lol! I would have loved them to see her happy reaction. Darn. I’m slipping as a parent. The old Exie would have pulled that kind of stunt. </p>
<p>@Alexz825Mom</p>
<p>Doesn’t that just burn - that the favorite school is the one that came last! I guess it’s true that good things come to those who wait.</p>
<p>Opened up your kid’s mail? Yikes. I think that’s wrong on a million levels - sorry to be a wet blanket on this. Acceptance and rejection, however exciting or disappointing is a fact of life and this is often your kid’s first taste. This news doesn’t make your child a better person or worse, it is not a comment on them as individuals. “Of course we know that,” you say. But given the charged tone of some of the comments on this thread, it would be impossible for the kid to distinguish the difference in your reaction.</p>
<p>I counsel making it clear to your kid on lots of occasions between now and March that the news will be interesting, “may” offer some excellent school options, cannot be predicted or even worried about, and does not bear on their success or failure etc. I would avoid being the one to bring the subject of boarding schools up. Your kid will know by how much you talk about it how important it is to you. Your actions will speak very loud. The last thing you want to do is have them feel you’re disappointed in them, in their waitlist, their rejection etc. </p>
<p>Acceptance is something to be celebrated, but not so much that they think it was more important to you than to them.</p>
<p>Yeah, I agree with Parlabane on this one. Open your kids’ mail???
Geez, so many parents write about how important it is for the kid to drive the whole process, applying, setting up interviews etc.</p>
<p>Then you go and open the decision yourself? Whose application is it anyway, your child’s or your’s?</p>
<p>Red & Parl–I see your point, but my d was 14, not an adult. I treat her with respect, but she is the teen. </p>
<p>I am one of those who still believes that “in my house…”. If I thought she was doing drugs I would search her room high and low. If I found her diary, I wouldnt read it.</p>
<p>@ Alexz - thank God we have different parenting styles. How you equate drugs with opening your daughter’s mail is beyond me. From what I’ve read on this site, you home schooled your daughter and were/are deeply involved in every detail of her life. I am sure that parenting style has many benefits, but for some kids, it would be claustrophobic to say the least. Deerfield will be her first experience “under new management,” or at least shared management, which will be a good thing. I bet she blossoms.</p>
<p>Had I to do it over, knowing what I’ve learned from CC about acceptances from the various schools, I would have just taken it over there without opening it first. But I wanted to be sure before laying that on her in a public setting.</p>
<p>If a child’s accepted, it’ll be a large envelope. Waitlist or rejected, thin envelope (usually.) My daughter wanted me to open the envelopes, and to text her during school.</p>
<p>Our mailman and our FedEx deliveries reach our neighborhood in the late afternoon, so whatever the outcome, we’ll only be staring at unopened envelopes for a short period. This year, so much will be emailed or online, it won’t be the same.</p>
<p>I agree with erlanger, the kids move on fairly easily.</p>
<p>I’m going to agree with Parl on this one (although not necessarily the tone). This is the child’s letter to open. A parent’s desire to know what it contains is not the same as searching a child’s room for suspected drugs. Care about and investment in the success of your child are felt keenly by all parents on this site. Still, opening their mail crosses a line. </p>
<p>While my kids were fortunate enough to get mostly good news, I wanted to be sure that I stayed steady and relaxed whatever the letter’s content. Otherwise, like Parl said, it would send a message to my children that a boarding school’s acceptance or rejection meant more than it ought to mean.</p>
<p>Hmm, I think my wife and I are split on the “open a kid’s mail issue”, and have not really had a firm policy when it came to SSAT, SAT results, report cards, etc. Some we’ve (read that as “I’ve”!) opened first, others we let her open first. The notes and things from AOs, we always let her open first…</p>
<p>My take on it is more similar to Alexz825Mom’s than Parlabane’s…it’s my house. Also, stuff like test results, that to me is admin…just like doctors records, school bills, etc.</p>
<p>I think I’ll ask her what she prefers when it comes to the BS admission results.</p>
<p>Parl, with the hope of not being insulting. I find your comments somewhat insulting. Parenting styles differ greatly. We are very small family, divorced mom, only child, URM. Our way has been working well for us. My d still has no problem with me opening mail. If a private letter came, no I wouldnt open it. But as long as I am the parent and are responsible for her it comes down to my rules, good or bad. </p>
<p>This issue is similar to if children should be spanked. I would never place a hand on my child, I just think its wrong on so many levels. But I would never tell another parent that it is wrong for their household or child.</p>
<p>I believe that my very hands on parenting style has worked for my kind of child and has gotten her to where she needs to be.</p>
<p>Quasi-independence comes a lot earlier for our kids attending BS than most. Not sure you can justify opening a kids’ denial or acceptance letter from a BS, unless you both have agreed, then send them off to be independent to said BS.</p>
<p>What will you do about college acceptances/denials? </p>
<p>This is the same thing. It has just come a little earlier for our kids applying to BS.
Our kids need some privacy… I’ll put it this way, sure parenting styles are different and different kids need different things, but I wouldn’t insult my son or daughter by opening up this type of mail. Open their acceptance or rejection letters, c’mon really folks?</p>
<p>I edited my earlier post because I was afraid it might come across as snarky. I must say that I was taken aback by the judgmental tone of a few of the posts. Every family is different. Parenting styles are different. And I believe parents are ultimately responsible for their children until they are of age. If my opening the envelope and bringing it to her at school (or not) was an issue between us, she and I would have worked through it. It really isn’t for others to judge.</p>
<p>My d is now a 10th grader at a ‘HADES’ school. She recently shared that many of her peers do not have good relationships with their parents. And that several of them feel like they were sent away to school for their parents’ convenience. She went on to tell me that she does not feel that way herself and that she is very thankful that we are there to support her when needed. Being hands off doesn’t work for everybody either. Our kids are still young teenagers, not mini-adults. They are very capable, but they are still kids.</p>
<p>I guess in retrospect I should have been more thankful and grateful to my parents who let me open all my own mail addressed to me like birthday cards , letters from penpals, school grades, standardized test scores etc, thank you’s, personal notes, magazine subscriptions.</p>
<p>I can see if the teen and parent have agreed who will open based on the teen being at school when the letter comes and the parent being helpful.</p>
<p>But we’re not talking about just any mail, it’s acceptance or rejection letters! And if the student has put a lot of time and energy into the app process, don’t they deserve to get the first peak? </p>
<p>I’m not being judgmental, but I am trying to bring a dose of reality to the situation. We’re talking about an important milestone in any person’s life, college or BS. yeh, they’re kids, but kids with hearts and minds and privacy issues who are growing up.</p>
<p>Again, I think it is a moot point, if this has been discussed with the student who sees the process as a partnership with the parents and who has agreed that the parents are “helping” by opening the mail. Even then, I think I still want to give my kid the thrill or (disappointment), the respect of being the one who gets to know first. It’s a gift to them, really, by not taking charge and making a unilateral decision.</p>
<p>My post was snarky and I wish that I hadn’t sent it. I was peeved by Alexz’s insinuation that a choice not to open mail addressed to my child was akin to not searching my kid’s room for drugs, like I was that uninvolved and uncaring. I have the same reaction to opening my child’s mail, mail addressed to her, that Alexa has to spanking. But I should have held my tongue and apologize.</p>
<p>RBGG, your point is valid, but it can be carried out in different ways in different families. Who opens up the acceptanace letter is not – well, “be all end all”. Just like Amy Chua has many good points, but those ideas can be implemented in different ways right?</p>
<p>No apologies necessary. I’m there with you and Alex and the others. Luckily mini-me and I have an extremely close relationship and like your child, she’s constantly telling me about friends at school who don’t. It’s a learning process for her that the “haves” are sometimes the “have nots” in the other social and family aspects of life.</p>
<p>Me - we take life in stride. I opened the envelope. And clearly your child was happy you did. Given the nature of our relationship - which is pretty open - she’ll just laugh if I tell her.</p>