<p>My parents are very conservative and they assume that going to college will corrupt me. I accept that college does force students to make some decisions and sometimes students make the wrong decision. But that is a part of life and the learning experience of college. I really want to be independent and experience new things. How do I convince my parents to let me go?</p>
<p>Thanks :)</p>
<p>I totally agree that often times the only way for some of life’s important lessons to sink in is to learn the hard way. </p>
<p>That said, do you think think your parents might be amenable to you dorming in a womens college or at a school that’s got a reputation for NOT being a party school?</p>
<p>Maybe they are trying to save money by having you live at home/commute?</p>
<p>Do you have cousins or kids of family friends who dorm whose parents might be able to advocate for you?</p>
<p>Another approach … a lot of top schools require first years to live on campus … so a backdoor way of achieving your goal of living on campus would be by controlling your application list … including schools your parents think highly of (which also require frist years to live on campus)</p>
<p>Yup only us Desi’s would encounter such problem.</p>
<p>A few suggestions:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>If your academic opportunities would be limited by living at home and commuting, point that out to your parents. Perhaps the only available school is the local branch of your state university, and you could qualify for the more prestigious flagship. Or perhaps you want to major in subject X, and the local college has no program or a poor program in that field. If any of this applies, it’s probably your strongest argument.</p></li>
<li><p>Do your parents have any friends or acquaintances, preferably of the same ethnic background, whose kids went away to college and it worked out well? You might suggest that they talk to those people (but make very sure first that the student didn’t go wild at college).</p></li>
<li><p>Seek out colleges that have organizations for people with your ethnic background and express your interest in joining. Your parents may feel better if they know you would be spending some of your time with people who share your background.</p></li>
<li><p>If a college has a substance-free dorm, agree to request it.</p></li>
<li><p>If a college has singles available for freshmen, agree to request one if your parents are willing to pay the higher price. Point out that having a single gives you control over your own environment. (If you’re a top-level applicant, you should know that two of the places where you can get singles as a freshman are Columbia and Cornell.)</p></li>
<li><p>If you’re female, and the college has an all-female dorm available, you can agree to request placement in that dorm. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Don’t worry that you’ll be restricting your life by doing #4, #5, or #6. It doesn’t work that way. You may end up living in a somewhat quieter environment than average (which is not necessarily a bad thing), but you still have plenty of freedom.</p>
<p>Some great suggestions here. </p>
<p>I might also encourage a campus visit and dorm tour to let you parents see the dorms. I think some people think dorms are loud and party central. Most universities do not allow alcohol in the dorms (legal drinking age is 21) so you won’t have a ton of parties in the dorms. </p>
<p>And seek out friends of your parents who have kids that have been in a dorm to share their experiences. </p>
<p>If it is financial reasons on your parents part to not live in the dorm, be respectful of that situation. Maybe ask to live in the dorm second semester to save some money?</p>
<p>If money is an issue, you may want to work with your parents to compare the cost of living in a dorm with the cost of commuting.</p>
<p>If you live in a dorm, you don’t need a car. If you commute, you almost certainly do, unless the mass transit in your area is excellent. College students need to be able to come and go at different times of day, depending on when classes and extracurricular activities are held, when they need to meet with classmates to work on group projects, and when they need to use campus facilities such as libraries and computer labs. It is probably impractical for a member of your family to drop you off and pick you up (even though the dropoff/pickup system tends to work pretty well for people who are in high school or have jobs). </p>
<p>Owning a car is expensive. Besides the initial cost of buying it, there’s insurance, gas, and maintenance to consider. When you take the cost of a car into account, living in a dorm may not be significantly more expensive than commuting.</p>
<p>College doesn’t force kids to make bad decisions, KIDS make bad decisions. I would suggest you point that out to your parents, maybe make a deal with them that if they allow you to live on campus freshman year and you stay out of trouble, that they will allow you to continue to live on campus the remaining years but if you get into trouble, you have to move home.</p>
<p>Commuting rarely saves anyone money.</p>
<p>What kind of ‘corruption’ are they worried about? We are all assuming it means sex, drugs, alcohol. But we’re operating from an American frame of reference. Does corruption mean something religious to them (not observing religious practices or strictures), cultural corruption (socializing with people outside your community) or developing friendships they don’t approve of? </p>
<p>Our suggestions are all aimed at the ‘sex and drugs and alcohol’ corruption, but if they are worried about cultural contamination, then you are probably stuck for the next 4 years (and possibly longer if you are not self-supporting). This is always an issue for kids who grow up in socially very conservative communities. </p>
<p>My suggestion would be to have a conversation with them about exactly what their fears are. (You might even need to talk to each of them separately as it may not be the case that they are both on the same page on this.) Have them be very explicit about their concerns. If you handle the conversation(s) well, perhaps you can persuade them that you share their values sufficiently that you won’t be ‘at risk’. It may also be possible once you start school to find others ‘like you’ with whom you can room in future years even if you are at home freshman year.</p>
<p>If nothing changes their minds, then you need to take advantage of what freedoms you are allowed for now and know that when you are a financially independent adult, you will be able to make your own decisions.</p>
<p>lol i have same problem. and im like epic desi. im a mallu, which is from the south and extremely conservative. My cousin goes to college and he is like my “Advisor” and convinced my parents to let me dorm. The excuses i used was: But i need to learn to be independent. I need to learn to do things my way. If I stay home, I will be dependent on you. College is a way for me to learn to be independent because you still will have dorm advisors who could be “parents”. By the way, results vary on how conservative you parents are. But you really should not stop yourself going to college because of this. Any other desi advice, I can def help you with. good luck and just tell them how you feel. THat holding you close to home will corrupt you later. Im a senior in high school. I have same issue but got over it. Any other help I’'lll be there for you :-)</p>
<p>the best way is to let them know you will stay in an all girls floor/building lol. idk. my parents have been okay with it because other girls we know dorm and they come out fine</p>
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<p>I suggest that it is very important for you to know if the anti-dorm position is actually financially driven. It will make a lot of difference in your approach.</p>